Sufferer Determined To Keep My Head Above Water!

[Llith]

Hey, nice to meet you all :)

Never sure what to say in these things, on one hand I am like: 'I SHOULD BE HERE LOOK ALL THIS HORRIBLE STUFF HAPPENED', and on the other hand I just wanna give everyone hugs and inform them that they are strong enough, no matter what does and has happened.

I have been informed I have been through a lot so far in life, though I guess same as anyone who grew up around it, it still seems like the norm to me.

In summery: My dad had depression & was physically abusive from when I was 2(ish) till I was 16(ish). My mum let him. My sister started self harming at 9. My house burned down when I was 9. I was bullied badly at school with bad anger issues,. My best friends mum, who I was close, to died of cancer. I developed an eating disorder. My sister developed Bulimia which she still has. I was sexually abused & raped once by my first boss which went on for a year.

Guess that is kinda it. My sister is still very ill but aside from that things are generally untraumatic for once. I am dating someone amazing who puts up with me not being able to let him touch me for periods of time and crying randomly (People like this exist!?) and a few years ago I fixed my relationship with my parents, we get on great. I am doing a job I love - and am apparently good at!

Really I am surrounded by amazing things, and determined to keep my head up and make the best of life. Guess I just want to meet other people who understand how truly hard it is to keep up a semblance of normalcy!

Ahaha it ended up an essay. Thank you for reading if you did :P Lovely to meet you all! :)

 

[The Albatross]

Welcome Lilibuth, congratulations for things being "generally untraumatic for once". I have to say your first sentence made me laugh, thank you for that. My father likely had depression for most of his adult life but wasn't diagnosed til about 8 years before he died. He was abusive and my mother let him too. I also had an eating disorder for that manifested for a decade or so after my sexual assaults/rapes started. So some of what you share is similar I guess.

But I like your attitude and appreciate your humor. Glad to meet you.

 

[Faerie]

Welcome! I'm new too (well, lurker for awhile but just started posting), and I actually thought something similar that I just wanted to give everyone hugs and cookies!

I'm somewhat opposite of your scenario - verbally/emotionally abusive mom, physically abusive brother, dad let it happen, probably had an eating disorder in high school. Things are generally untraumatic for me too for once, relationship with family is ok now, except I think I'm starting to get some long repressed memories back of sexual abuse, so life might be getting a little crazier again. Sorry to hear what you've gone through, but hopefully you'll find some kindred spirits here :)

 

[broken brain]

Welcome :) it's awesome you have a great supportive boyfriend. They sure can take a beating when it comes to unnecessary rage and triggered memories. My guy has been the most supportive person I've ever had, and it feels great to be accepted for all your glorious flaws.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome. :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Lilibuth,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

It is great when things are untraumatic, but it does take a huge amount of energy just to function day to day. Sometimes when things are going well, that is the best time to focus on yourself and your own healing. There aren't other life issues that are competing for that focus. There is a lot of information on this site about various types of therapy and I hope you find it helpful.

Debbie

 

[lynn131]

Hello Lillibuth,

I always thought that something was inherently wrong with me, that I must have needed medicine, or I was just too flawed to succeed. Then I sought therapy and learned that tragic things, assault and abuse wear down our defenses and deplete our coping skills. I applaud you for looking for the good in life. Optimism helps me to get through the day, and I m learning to own that I was hurt, but I can still heal and be well.

 

[Llith]

Hey Everyone,

I am a CPTSD sufferer with anxiety, migraines etc. I am not on any medication because I am stubborn and always run away before they give it to me.

Would be nice to connect with other people with similar issues, I was abused as a child and then sexually abused multiple times later on. Needless to say its not the easiest thing to talk with people about ahahaha.

I am currently seeing a therapist and an acupuncturist (migraines but seems to be doing odd stuff regarding my PTSD!?) and I am relatively stable, as in I can just about hold down a job.

Personally I have got to say the worst thing about PTSD is flashbacks of memories I had forgotten/avoided and having panic attacks in the most inconvenient of places.

Thats all from me! Nice to meet you all and thanks for reading :).

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome back, @Llith - as we only allow members one account, your old account has been merged into this one. It's nice to see you back on the site, and I hope you continue to find it helpful.