Childhood Developmental Trauma Vs. Later Trauma

[ghotiff]

Sorry, struggling with quoting for some reason...

I absolutely agree that I find myself both here and the 3D world drawn to people with challenging childhoods.

In Regards to the concept of modeling, I feel that those with childhood trauma respond more easy to thread replies that have the approach of stating
-this is how I am similar
-this is how I'm different
-this is what I've done to help
-this is why I think it helped me

I think the above is a form of modeling, and also contains no "you should" type of statements which I believe a counterproductive with childhood trauma.

(I've avoided the use of the term developmental trauma, because Im not sure I quite understand it).

 

[Meadowsweet]

@ghotiff it's funny that you said that the statements don't contain any 'you should' statements, because in my mind they did. That's not you thinking that 'I should' that's just me looking for somewhere to fit in.

And I reckon this personal thought process of looking where I can 'fit' in the world, is the same for people with developmental trauma that succeed in finding people they fit in with in contrast to people they believe are different and won't understand, as it is for people with developmental trauma that feel that they don't fit in with that group and feel that there is no one that understands.

So from my perspective, I realise that my thinking is not always reliable and especially so in social situations, so I don't actually believe that my feelings regarding who understands and who doesn't are entirely accurate.

 

[ms spock]

I feel it is because they had a sense of SELF at one time. And they draw on that.

Yes and you can't explain it to people who had a self to draw on. You just can't. They give you suggestions and they might as well be speaking Latin to me. I would LOVE to speak Latin, but I can't, both metaphorically and literally. And that not being able to explain that has kept me very, very, very stuck indeed.

I read some people's posts and I really don't understand what they mean. Or people say something to me and I think I wonder what that means and the gulf must be big because when I ask questions I receive no replies. And a few people have asked me questions and I thought that is too hard it would take months for me to explain that.

I wonder sometimes if those who were traumatized throughout their developmental years simply cannot relate to those who were not.

There is something in that, but at the same time, unless you were primed in childhood in some way you won't get PTSD full stop as far as I have read and understood so far. Those people that don't get PTSD, after a traumatic event, were not primed in some way in their childhood years. So there is a point of overlap at some point, an intersection - even if we cannot identify the nuances. Though the other thing is that intersection might never be uncovered as the "self" that they have might be useful and enough for them to rebuild and recover from.

An example of this would be when those of us who were damaged very early in life talk about 'parts' and EP's and ANP's.

I wish people would define these two things in all their opening posts because (1) we try not to use abbreviations on these forums to make it easier for new people to read, understand and connect (2) it would help my poor brain if these were defined in each opening post as I am reading along from time to time but I still can't hold these two concepts in my brain (3) to try and read and understand the definitions for these two concepts is really hard given the density of the literature surrounding (4) a lot of you have done a lot of reading and accumulated a substantial amount of knowledge and I find it really hard to keep up with you. You don't realise how much you know now (5) It would be personally very helpful to me. (6) Giving me a url to read is totally overwhelming for me around this stuff. If you could all just summarise the basics in each new thread it would enable the newcomers (and me! I want to come along for the ride with you!). It would help the newcomers (and me!) to follow what you are saying. When I have to reread the whole thing of EP's and ANP's and then try and reread the threads I get really lost. It is probably emotional, and just me but it would help (me!)

I really am wondering if those of you who were traumatized later in life scratch your heads at those of us who were and vice versa. I feel like many people scratched their head over me all through my life and wondering if this is a large reason why.

I think there is something in this.

 

[Digz]

It only makes sense really that one with developmental trauma would likely relate better to another with developmental trauma. The brain changes if you experience trauma young. That has to have some similar impacts on patterns of behaviour, how we think and how we feel. For example, as a teacher (and within myself) one thing I notice about kids and adults that have experienced trauma is they all how low self-esteem. I don't know if that happens to those who experience trauma in adulthood - but it is certainly well ingrained in those with developmental trauma that I've seen.
It would be interesting to see a study that compared the two, to see if there were symptoms more prevalent or unique to either type of PTSD.

 

[Mercy]

This is life as I've known it. I'll grant that there are "a lot of blank spots in my road map of reality", but you don't really miss something you've never known the way you miss something you've lost. Not that it's not a problem or a loss, just that it's different and seems like it would be less confusing.

I am not sure about 'not missing something I never had.' I know I looked for Mother substitutes in all the wrong places.

I do remember being in a crib, thinking in pictures and sensations. I knew if I cried I might get scalded or beaten. I'm not sure I could even turn over at that point. I chose not to cry. I turned my head and looked out the window and watched maple leaves dance in so many colors of green. Now I say God made me a crib mobile.

Another time, something painful was happening. I turned my head and saw a teddy bear about my size on the bed and wished I could go inside it to get away from the pain. My first experience of disassociation was early.

 

[Mit]

I've been following this discussion with interest. After a while in therapy I am starting to understand (but not yet really believe) that I suffered from developmental trauma. As a child my response was to unknowingly develop ways of coping that later in life I just assumed were primarily personality traits, perhaps of genetic origin, being adopted made such a premise easier for me to develop and believe. Five years ago my coping strategies were identified as 'wrong' and 'unhelpful' and through therapy traced back to childhood trauma. But the exposure of my 'unhelpful' coping strategies (by the authorities as it happens) was a traumatising experience of itself. I lost my job, almost my family and all my friends. My most intimate thoughts and behaviours became public, discussed at meetings and spread through rumour around our local community, resulting in my family and I being isolated and afraid. It caused me to take an overdose.

The therapists I have seen since also count this later life experience as traumatising. Since this experience I suffer from nearly constant low level anxiety, frequent severe anxiety attacks and a total loss of self belief and confidence. I also suffer from depression but have come to understand that I was already suffered from depression, probably as a result of my childhood trauma. Prior to this experience I never experienced anxiety (not that I recognised anyway) and was a much more robust person.

It seems developmental trauma gave me depression and coping strategies that weren't ultimately healthy or helpful and got me into trouble. The recent trauma has left me a changed person, anxious, afraid and lacking any self belief. What is unclear to me is how the two 'experiences' interrelate, could the developmental trauma have made me more vulnerable to anxiety later in life? In my case the common feature to both experiences, childhood and adult trauma was a lack of control and loss of control. I guess I am wondering if developmental trauma makes a person more vulnerable in the event of adult trauma.

 

[Chava]

I guess I am wondering if developmental trauma makes a person more vulnerable in the event of adult trauma.

Yes, early trauma predisposes you to developing PTSD in response to adult trauma. Many humans have had one or more traumatizing experiences. Not everyone develops PTSD. Dissociation at the time of trauma increases likelihood of developing PTSD from a trauma. So does having experienced earlier trauma. You nervous system is already on a traumatized default (for lack of a better way to describe it quickly).

One assault I (partly) remember as a teen shoved me quickly over the edge. Whereas someone else might have been able to talk to someone about it, I just went right for repeated suicide attempts. I was already managing poorly before that event. My childhood contained multiple traumas and ongoing physical threat and need to dissociate and become non-existent. I also noticed I crumbled after some pretty challenging work situations. I just couldn't bounce back. Panic attacks, then numbness, then near nervous breakdown, then numbness. All trauma-related but sort of tipped off by problems with work, since that was previously a sort of safe and structured place where I had a role that was clear and I felt good about it. I realized how much I don't have that elsewhere, how fragile my sense of self and coherence is...I really depend on my work to even exist.

 

[Anarchy]

Does anyone here find themselves consciously or unconsciously selecting the company of people who they later find out have developmentmental trauma too?

Of my really significant ex's at least one had. Amongst my longest standing friends, a group of us are members of a club that was set up by guys who couldn't adjust after they got back from world war 2, looking at us with my acceptance of my own early trauma, I think everyone of the group has it. At least 2 of them married partners with early trauma...

Do we flock together in meatspace as well as on the webz?

 

[Chava]

Does anyone here find themselves consciously or unconsciously selecting the company of people who they later find out have developmentmental trauma too?

Yes, for sure. My few very best friends in life were adopted late and/or grew up in abusive homes. I didn't know this when I befriended them. There is just an easiness about approaching them and I could probably describe some of the traits, but it might be quite subjective (thought lots of resonance with general traits of developmental trauma...highly sensitive, awkward ways of connecting, varying between intense and avoidant involvement in life in general, easily tossed into spiritual or mental/thought binges, feeling like a general misfit or outcast, and even embracing a level of quirkiness because it's the only way to survive). We related easily, like we were on some similar wavelength.

Without getting too fruity, I wonder if we really can perceive people's energy (or maybe it's subtle cues in body language). A lot of people don't want to hang out with me, but I'm a magnet for people with major challenges and I don't really mind...I'm too avoidant to get into a relationship unless I'm also drawn to them. I seem to keep pretty clear non-verbal boundaries.

On a conscious level I also feel more comfortable around people who outright struggle or feel broken somehow (like friends from an AA group...there is not all the awkwardness of wondering how normal you should pretend to be...just be yourself).

 

[scout86]

Does anyone here find themselves consciously or unconsciously selecting the company of people who they later find out have developmentmental trauma too?

Yes. Not consciously, but it seems to work out that way, for sure.

 

[ms spock]

Unconsciously @Anarchy.

 

[shimmerz]

it came to me (I see) what I think we need is modelling (it is one thing that is very helpful).

Sun and I are learning this BIG time. Modelling is so important. I hadn't realized the importance of this statement Junebug until I went over this thread again today.

“breaking news! we've discovered that child abuse can cause long term developmental damage!”

This is one of the reasons why I hate studies. There is such a thing as common sense as well. And common sense (if people choose to act upon it in a helpful way) helps people approximately 25 years before studies are even spearheaded.