Sufferer Diagnosed With Ptsd And Gad, Been Struggling For Almost 3 Years

[MummaKitten]

Hi!

I was diagnosed with PTSD at the beginning of the year. It stems from a bad relationship that ended almost 3 years ago. Right now, it's harming my marriage and my children, of which I don't want to happen.

I suffer from disassociative flashbacks. I don't remember anything afterward, so my husband has to clue me in on what happened. I also have GAD and am constantly on edge with hypervigilance. I'm constantly up and down with anxiety and have even questioned if I am bipolar (of which I have been screened for, but it was not enough criteria).

I am going through therapy with sensorimotor processing and somatic experiencing. I've only started a few weeks ago, but so far I haven't had a bad flashback event. I have been using recreational marijuana just to keep myself level as a last resort. It has been helping a lot, but I don't plan on using it for the long term. I'd hate to see my children see me using it.

I'm also going through a bit of an identity crisis, because I don't even know who I am anymore. Most of my daily life seems surreal, though. A lot of times I think it's a dream or a facade of the old life I left behind. So much so, that about a month ago I was in the midst of a panic attack/flashback and, while trying to take my anxiety medication as directed, took too much and ended up in the ICU. My past self wanted to kill me and my present self was simply trying to calm myself down. I don't want my kids to be without me. I'm struggling with keeping my anxiety down at work, now- something of which I have always been able to control.

 

[Ka-9]

Warm welcome, it sure isn't an easy endeavour, but things will improve with effort, thanks for sharing Mumma.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Sounds awful! You sound like a very intelligent person with solid instincts. Your husband seems to be supportive as well. Unless I read it wrong, just a couple of weeks into therapy, you've experienced a small measure of relief. That tiny spark may well help your husband to stay on board.

Seems like you're in a bit of a spiral right now. Can you share this with your therapist? Is there someone you trust that you can talk to? A friend? Relative? Sometimes even a goofy email can brighten your day.

Really glad you've come to the forum. So many people here ready to jump on board. Welcome.

 

[MummaKitten]

Sounds awful! You sound like a very intelligent person with solid instincts. Your husband seems to be...

I have expressed this to my husband and several different close people, as well as my therapist. I know it's been a spiral and I've been struggling so much. I have experienced some relief with therapy, but we've only just done the intake and treatment plan so far. Friday I have my third appointment and am rather curious as to how it will go.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Certainly is an awful spiral. I find it so difficult to just keep on keeping on. Children have to be cared for, the house maintained, food available...etc what used to be enjoyable is now a trial.

Yes, Friday's session may shed some light. Are you going alone to the sessions or does your husband go with you?

 

[MummaKitten]

Certainly is an awful spiral. I find it so difficult to just keep on keeping on. Children have to be...

My husband goes with me. Unfortunately we're experiencing -30 wind chills and I won't be going at the present time. This week hasn't been so bad.