Relationship Diagnosed With Ptsd, Gettign Help, But Getting Worse?

[Mummy_Mary]

Hey all,
So my partner was diagnosed with PTSD recently. Cue the relief. We were both almost excited about it, because we finally had an answer for what had been so "off" during our 3 year relationship, and why he was always so "down" and "moody".

He started meds, started seeing a psychologist... and its getting worse? We both thought it would get better (albeit slowly), so its been beyond tough to deal with the fact that hes near suicidal these days. I worry about him 24/7, as he's either acting completely numb, or saying things like "youd be better off without me".

Advice? Is this normal?

 

[Kintsugi]

It is extremely common that sufferers will become more symptomatic and appear "worse" when they are beginning treatment (or, alternatively, if therapy begins taking a more aggressive tract). I would expect meds to mitigate some of this, but I don't know.

I always get worse when I see a T. I'm in that "Oh shit, therapy is kicking my ass repeatedly and I want to die" stage currently, waiting for it to level out. I began seeing a new trauma T in March.

 

[Friday]

Some of the best advice I've ever gotten is that it is going to get seriously worse before it gets better. Both for setting expectations (okay, this is what we're dealing with), and in not adding stress along those same lines of WTF am I doing wrong, here???

Does it always happen? Nope. But of not? My understanding is that they're the rare/lucky few.

Caveat, here... Some therapists suck. And some meds are the wroooooong meds. Like increase suicidal ideation/risk 1000 fold. If either of those 2 things feel to be the case? Don't hesitate to speak up immediately and taper off the meds under supervision, or to look for a new therapist.

 

[Justmehere]

Yes, it's common for things to get worse for awhile. Really typical. Whenever I take a break from therapy and re-start, the first few weeks in particular are a living hell. All my symptoms go through the roof.

This doesn't mean your partner should ignore the signs of things getting worse. Like @FridayJones mentioned, many medications come with the risk of increased sucidiality in small percentage of patients, and the prescribing doctor and therapist need to know if this is happening. I have had it happen myself. It took awhile to figure out if it was the therapy or the medications or something else. Crap therapists can cause things to get worse too. Make sure they are working with someone trained in treating trauma.

Things will likely get better, eventually, and then they may get worse again, and then better again, and then... well, treatment is a tough road, but worth it.

 

[Panda Bear]

Oh shit, therapy is kicking my ass repeatedly and I want to die

This!!! My husband has had similar frustrations as you @Mummy_Mary. His wish for me to be better, is often meet with weeks or months on end of a sickening roller coaster to say the least. The ups and downs are hard on us as well as partners :(. But the deeper I dive, the harder I push, the more scary things can be at times. And some of it, Im not always sure we will make it to the other side. But we manage and that's where the growth really shows, is out of those dark times.

One thing my T and I have done is after weeks of hard work, is to take a week or lighter work. Makes all the difference,

 

[Seasounds]

And as a supporter, you can always, kindly, set boundaries. Example, you can reassure your mate that you love him while you don't like what he said; you can reassure your mate that you are still supportive of him while you go to an alanon/or other support group-meeting, for you to get support for yourself.

It is expected that as suffers go through ups and downs, that supporters will go through ups and downs. Sometime sufferers have therapists and/or takes meds. It pays to find an emotional center in yourself, that can be steady for you, when the boat rocks. These (mentioned) supports help the supporters.

I really benefited from learning and implementing non-violent communication suggestions, so that I spoke accountably and didn't add to the fire, in conflicts.

 

[Panda Bear]

My mate takes a weekly night 'Off' and hangs at a friends house. I do everything in my power to make that day possible for him. I've simplified dinner for the kids, I don't schedule things that require me to be 'on' point much during the day, so I can handle any kid/crazy family meltdown.

I choose a lot of things and let them slide, that way I can deal and he gets a break from being on point do much. Please do care for yourself!

 

[Purplemunchkin]

saying things like "youd be better off without me".

I've heard this many times from hubby. I just tell him he's wrong. I'm all growed up and get to make these decisions for myself. If I didn't want to be with him, I wouldn't be. So he is stuck with me.

And some meds are the wroooooong meds. Like increase suicidal ideation/risk 1000 fold.

And this is very scary. Hubby was discharged from hospital with anti-depressants that made him so much worse. Luckily his GP is very good and she had him off those meds within days.

Having the right medication has made so much difference to hubby. He still has all the negative feelings, but somehow the meds help him understand them, deal with them better, and shift/change them quicker.

He is still (almost three years now) waiting for trauma therapy; something I hope he gets, and dread him having all at the same time! He has had a couple of rounds of basic CBT which just frustrated him as he wanted to talk about the traumas, but the therapist kept insisting on talking about his childhood without any explanation as to how or why this might be important.

 

[Sighs]

i also have to tell my vet - you don't get to decide whether I would be better off without you - you ca decide if you are better off without me but I get to decide if I'm better off without you! And I love you and want to be with you. So sit down and shut up! Lol

And we've also experienced the therapists who want to talk about his childhood. His childhood was great - it's the ten deployments to 3 different theatres of war that are the problem!

 

[ZebraWestie]

Definitely worse, and worser still. The most sickening roller coaster when his anxiety kicks in but he keeps fears to himself, pretends it's all ok when his behaviour clearly isn't and those beautiful carefree days I long for have all but vanished lately; he doesn't want to be a burden, can't do talking about it to me or anyone else, not manly, feels he failed his kids, his family, me & stuck in limbo waiting for getting EMDR next week... 1st session, also discovered hernia, might be off sick again, no money, worry, stress, depression, it's all part of the PTSD parcel that HE has to unwrap, with my support, but somedays I wonder why.... It's for the love, love I the only thing that keeps us going through those tough times, love & hope. It will get better, eventually.