I don't know how this works really.
Not from a forces/military background but I'm definitely over qualified for the list of traumas that can cause ptsd, diagnosed complex ptsd, tried pretty every much every medication there is and not just for a week each time, had 100s of hours of trauma therapy, support groups, classes for mindfulness, read books, audio books but sometimes it feels like it was all a waste of time.
Today was a bad day, I couldn't get out of bed and go to the gym, I couldn't take my friend for dog food because I know I'm not fit to drive in this state, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the feeling of my body being too heavy to move, the racing thoughts, it all took me over and instead of me up at 6, I couldn't get out of bed until 1pm because I felt so guilty when I remembered I hadn't fed my 2 dogs and then it took me a further hour until 2pm to grow a spine, cook myself food and prep a meal for later.
Lots of stress in daily life that keeps mounting up and then I had some news that took me completely off guard and took me back to my trauma causes yesterday.
I really hate myself today. Feel like I've let down everyone I love who give me opportunities and thrown it back in their face.
Not sure if the drastic lifestyle changes I started last week have caught up on my body then my mind followed suit and caused a meltdown but I truly feel like a little girl today, helpless, weak, vulnerable and I absolutely hate it.
Not sure if I did it right but that's my introduction. Thanks for reading if you got through it all.
Not from a forces/military background but I'm definitely over qualified for the list of traumas that can cause ptsd, diagnosed complex ptsd, tried pretty every much every medication there is and not just for a week each time, had 100s of hours of trauma therapy, support groups, classes for mindfulness, read books, audio books but sometimes it feels like it was all a waste of time.
Today was a bad day, I couldn't get out of bed and go to the gym, I couldn't take my friend for dog food because I know I'm not fit to drive in this state, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the feeling of my body being too heavy to move, the racing thoughts, it all took me over and instead of me up at 6, I couldn't get out of bed until 1pm because I felt so guilty when I remembered I hadn't fed my 2 dogs and then it took me a further hour until 2pm to grow a spine, cook myself food and prep a meal for later.
Lots of stress in daily life that keeps mounting up and then I had some news that took me completely off guard and took me back to my trauma causes yesterday.
I really hate myself today. Feel like I've let down everyone I love who give me opportunities and thrown it back in their face.
Not sure if the drastic lifestyle changes I started last week have caught up on my body then my mind followed suit and caused a meltdown but I truly feel like a little girl today, helpless, weak, vulnerable and I absolutely hate it.
Not sure if I did it right but that's my introduction. Thanks for reading if you got through it all.
