SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I'm having one of those, when I packed all my things for working at a cafe (or applying to jobs)... and then I unpacked it back because I was panicking. Then I cried for no reason. I start happy tv shows and I can't pay attention. I can't stop eating. I cant stop feeling like the whole world around me doesn't depend on me. I have no control or impact. Afternoon and evenings I can't workout because the only room I can have space to exercise will have the tv on and I would have to be in front of it. Eating is at certain times. Waking at 9am is reason to be woken up unless I warn them. When I go anywhere by bus I need the schedule because we are in village at the edge of the city. Everything stresses menout here. The cafe is my oasis, but couldn't get ouf the front door to get the bus.
I've been sleeping and eating and it's noon. Maybe it's not high work day, but I don't want it to be a wasted day either... Brings up dark parts of me and questioning everything. Especially myself, my work, my worth....what can I do? So far organising paperwork, and reading Dostoyevsky are the only things making sense. And sleeping. But I already had a fight with my mother about having a bad day, and planning the next days of job applications and working on my shop makes me anxious....
I've been sleeping and eating and it's noon. Maybe it's not high work day, but I don't want it to be a wasted day either... Brings up dark parts of me and questioning everything. Especially myself, my work, my worth....what can I do? So far organising paperwork, and reading Dostoyevsky are the only things making sense. And sleeping. But I already had a fight with my mother about having a bad day, and planning the next days of job applications and working on my shop makes me anxious....