DID Did formerly known as mpd

[BuckarooBanzai]

people with DID are more likely to be co-morbid with PTSD.

Absolutely. I had both DID and PTSD, but my DID came first.

DID can be a little like PTSD where the original trauma might occur young and then just get reactivated later.

Yes, very true. However, with DID, the initial split into two alters must happen (per researchers and other professionals) prior to the age of 8 years old.

So, I split very young, but I did not develop serious signs and symptoms until I turned about twenty years old. Still, it wasn't until I was severely traumatized in my forties that I developed PTSD. At that point, the DID signs and symptoms went wild as I split off new alters and dissociated more and more in an apparent attempt to deal with the PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

Thank you so much for the replays. I wrote this in a bad place, and didn't clarify my family had changed years ago, and got much healthier before my shattering. I am getting into therapy for early childhood issues. Thank you so much again.

 

[whiteraven]

I wanted you to know I read this and will reply when I can get to a computer, probably tomorrow. You are in my thoughts.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

One more thing: Be comforted and know that, no matter how bad things seem now, you can heal.

I did.

 

[whiteraven]

Hi there. Well, it took me awhile to get back to this, but here I am. I wanted you to know that I had read this, and I am sorry you are going through so much. I know how crazy and chaotic all that can feel.

So, first of all, I have DID and I am familiar with all of the "shoulds" and "musts" of the traditional teachings, but I believe that we are people first and foremost, and we don't always conform to what the books say, so I might sidestep what some folks say here. Not because they're "wrong" but because I just think there is room for more open thinking sometimes.

You said you were shattered at 17. Ok. So does that mean there was no abuse or anything that could have caused fragmentation before that? You don't have to answer. I'm only asking so that you can give that some consideration if you haven't already. I have heard of some folks who experienced no trauma until a later age and then split, but it is unusual. Usually, it is that they have experienced no *known* trauma and then something horrific happens and that thing triggers or uncovers hidden traumas from younger years. And maybe those hidden traumas stay hidden or covered up while the person is dealing with that major trauma that caused what they think is the original split. But really, what is causing all the real chaos is the earlier stuff. And, the other stuff is more trauma and more triggers. See, that's what happened to me. That's how I know and that's why I ask.

So...whether you have one other personality, or whether the other personality is a conglomeration of several (did you mention anywhere if you were diagnosed with DID?), it doesn't sound like you are on very friendly terms with "it." One of the things I have learned about being multiple is that all of my "personalities" or "parts" or "insiders" are integral parts of me and that, in order to heal, I have to accept them as such.

If you're comfortable doing so, maybe you could talk a little bit more about your other personality, and how you relate to it.

Take care!

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I was abused as a kid badly from 4-6 physically, and raped and psychologically ducked with by a step grandfather from 6-7 ish. I think maybe at 17 from a new trauma everything before then came out, and I had age regression from repressed memories to the point of DID. I was me, but in the third grade. I dont remember all the switching as you know we lose time, but I do know it was me just at like a kid level. I was brutalized over breaking at 17 as well. Called a crybaby and other things, but girls in high school kill themselves over this stuff now, and its recognized as a trauma to them. Video taped, watched, set up to suffer by an ex boyfriend and a f*ck of a lot of people like my entier senior class, with college guys, and some of their parents to be supprised that I was "caught" being a "dirty whore" they thought it was a funny joke.
It was just one part of that trauma though. I was gaslighted and put into a chemical lobotomy at that point because my parents said it didnt happen, and for a few years after that the medication was uped, and I was repeatedly told what was happening to my face was a hallucination by family, and shrinks, and friends who didnt know. I was told I was crazy until it came out in the media that it happened to other teenage girls, and women the past few years. But the medication made me so disassociated I heard voices for the three years I was on it. I got off the medication, and after a decade met a woman who had intergrated her alters and did what she did, and no more voices.
My parents had their own issues back then, and thats another story. It was 20 years ago, but the other aspects of the trauma with my childhood, and parents one with a mental illness (ptsd, and depression with suicidal ideation), with other things happening at the time broke me. The chemical lobotomy ended up putting me into a psychosis after everyone said it wasnt happening, and I shattered. I need help for a trauma, but I got punished. Its not full DID, but I regress to previous ages of trauma I havent dealt with yet. I hope this last breakdown is the last one. I finally caught up to only reverting back to 17..... With counseling, and maybe prozac I hope I can get better, but maybe not. Its an odd story, and I hope it makes some sense, but I cant get into the trauma to much. I am responsible for some of it, but it was psychological torture, and I was alone. I think it may be more like almost DID. Im not sure. Why I asked.......

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Whether it is DID or not, you can get better with the help of a skilled professional.

 

[whiteraven]

Agree with @BuckarooBanzai. Hoping you are getting some good, professional help with this. You sound like you are really suffering and you shouldn't be going through this alone. It was unclear to me if you are currently in therapy or if you are in-between therapists. Also, if you have been diagnosed with DID?

I didn't really know about my insiders until I was in my late 30s. They were around all my life, though. I know that because, through therapy and now with really good communication, I've heard many of their stories. And I didn't meet all of them all at once. I still haven't met some of them. I only met one at first. DID is complicated. Heck, dissociation is complicated.

The most important thing, though, is that you look after yourself, and keep reaching out.