Relationship Did I do the right thing by breaking up with him?

[Ronin]

Curious as to what you mean by not thinking that anger alone is his issue

What @MrMoonlight said. More homicidal psycho, less angry arguing dude who should be taken back in.

 

[caligirl03]

Does it make any difference that it was all said over the phone?

 

[Deanna]

Does it make any difference that it was all said over the phone?

No. The thing is... He talks to you once like that and you let it slide, he'll always talk to you like that. Is that what u want?

That was a threat!

 

[Ronin]

Does it make any difference

To me, yes and no.

In, no b/c its the content that just reads wrong.

yes, in he just shown he is yet bigger pansy than I had him for.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Whoa! A pretty specific threat! Yes, I think you did the right thing to break up with him and I would stay away from him! I would fear you'd end up in a domestic violence situation and people do not have the right to talk to others that way! Props to you for laying down that boundry and enforcing it! That's awesome!

 

[blackemerald1]

Does it make any difference that it was all said over the phone?

^Well it does to me. I didn't know you were arguing over the phone - your initial post didn't mention that.
I thought this was a person to person interaction and you had to physically walk away from the threat that was immediate.

Not just some blast off over the phone.

For sure it is a completely unacceptable thing to say - over the phone or in person - to anyone. But, you got to say sufficient information that now you've broken up with him. How did you do that after he said that? I would have hung up but it seems you got to say you've now broken up?

Phone calls are definitely different in terms of context.

And before I get slaughtered by other members for saying this - I was thinking this was an immediate threat.

Idk it might be what you needed to do anyway so breaking up by phone is as good as anything if he's saying aggressive things.

 

[LuckiLee]

My guy has never threatened violence. And I've seen him rage. PTSD tells him all kinds of horrible things about himself. So that's where he goes. "You never loved me. I'm a piece a sh#t. My life sucks. I hate it here. I can't do this anymore" etc. Nothing I say or do can help when he's like that so I leave the room and let him argue with himself. ?

If he was raging AND threatened to hurt me like that? I'd be scared. That's a whole different level of "rage". More than I could handle. And him saying he doesn't remember. F that noise! I'd remember and never look at him the same way again.

I can't recall if your guy is in therapy. If he's not he should be. I don't ask for alot from my guy but I do expect him to respect me and have common courtesy. To learn about his disorder, symptoms, triggers, meds...To make progress. To work with me. And I always try to do the same. One person can't do all the work. Once J finally accepted his diagnosis he was unstoppable!!

Have you set that boundary yet? If you speak to me like that I will...
I'm wondering why you're second guessing yourself? He has no right to threaten you like that. No one does. (On the phone or in person)

 

[Freida]

Domestic violence starts slowly. Mean words become veiled threats which becomes pushing and shoving which becomes putting you in the hospital.

You know this guy.
Your gut knows this guy.
You know what he is capable of
You took the threat seriously
Enough said

You cant have a good relationship with someone who you don't feel safe with. It doesnt matter if it was on the phone or in person, said jokingly or seriously, PTSD or no PTSD

You took it seriously
Trust yourself
Trust your instincts
Because at the end of the day that's what keeps you safe

 

[caligirl03]

It's not so much that I took what he said as being a serious threat per se, so much as the fact that he even went there at all, if that makes sense. The level of disrespect is just beyond.

 

[Tinyflame]

People can say a lot of things they regret when angry, but contempt is a very bad sign for relationship longevity. Worse yet, is verbalizing harm for someone they supposedly love, and worse still to someone who will need to be vulnerable with him to ever be intimate again. He can't take words back but he can use words going forward. Even if he didn't remember, it requires his trust to believe you when you said he said it. And I think, if not feeling contempt or anger, he would feel mortified at even the thought of the visual.

You know this guy.
Your gut knows this guy.
You know what he is capable of
You took the threat seriously
Enough said

You cant have a good relationship with someone who you don't feel safe with

Agreed. ^^

 

[Tinyflame]

The level of disrespect is just beyond.

I would call it something other than disrespect. Maybe 'rage'?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I agree with @LuckiLee. There is a line of respect that should never be crossed. If somebody loves you they should never want to hurt you. Ever. I don’t give a shit what is going on.

I’ve seen my Vet in states that have frightened me.... triggered, symptomatic, dissociated. I’ve seen plenty of rage. I’ve taken the brunt of rage. Even with all of that, he has never once threatened to harm me physically, called me names, or touched a hair on my head. He knows how big and intimidating he is, and no matter what, he doesn’t want me to be afraid of him. He feels like shit when he sees me shrink away when he’s raging in general... I couldn’t imagine how bad he’d feel if he thought I was afraid of him hurting me.