DID Did - i hate today (the body's birthday)

[Muttly]

not a good day for us. The body's birthday is a trigger. we thought we were doing ok as it approached. There were signs it was bothering us, (troubles with sleep, nightmares, moving back to the couch, hypervigilance) but over all, we weren't freaking as bad as we have in the past.

Woke up though and was instantly in a bad place. And it's hard to think because of all the noise inside. I can't make the insiders be quiet and I'm getting worn down. It is one of this times when DID is useful because earlier while I was driving someone inside was having a panic attack, but it stayed inside. (hard to explain).

and then there's stupid things like, in the past we've made such a big deal out of not celebrating the birthday that most of our friends don't do anything for us. Which is what we wanted, right? Except today we've gotten a couple "happy birthday" texts (nothing from the boyfriend). and that's it and someone is all sad and depressed that we don't have family and friends that treat us special. But that's distorted and not really fair.

We've had no contact from the family of origin. If we get nothing, that will be the first time they've respected our wishes and not contacted us. They always used the birthday as a way to hook us. the games- Look how much we care. look at the presents and the plans we've made for your birthday and you have to participate or yo don't appreciate what we've done. blah blah blah.

we are so stuck

 

[Cerulean Synapse]

We like our birthday because it's the day all of us were born. The main one is asleep. My husband doesn't know but he doesn't think to highly of DID. He thinks I will or one of us will stab him in his sleep. I told him not the case. Most DIDs peeps are pacifists and abhorr violence.

 

[Muttly]

This was a stupid post.I shouldn't have made it.
everything is fine. it's just a day. big deal.
We were just being attention seeking or dramatic or something

 

[Muttly]

. My husband doesn't know but he doesn't think to highly of DID. He thinks I will or one of us will stab him in his sleep.

your husband watches too much tv or something :P

 

[Muttly]

We didn't get our wish. The foo (family of origin) contacted us. The brother left a voice mail. It wasn't too terrible. He wished us a happy birthday. Then it was the usual guilt trip - I miss you. I hope we get to hear from you someday. We worry about you. Blah. the dad sent a birthday card. Intellectually, we know we could just throw it out but we had to know. I guess a part of us is still convinced he will come get us and so we need to know how mad or whatever he is. The card was... triggering. It was a card for a little girl and what he wrote really freaked some insiders out. We didn't open it until today, when we were heading for therapy. T agreed it was a card meant for a little girl but wanted to know why it was so triggering. Someone little came out and started talking. The nice thing was T let the little one put the card in her shredder and shred it.

I haven't been able to sleep in my bedroom all week. One of our alters that has behaviors that really upset us came out this week and we lost a day to that. I'm hyper-vigilant. It's just a stupid day. It's over now and I need to get over it.

PS- sorry I am posting again

 

[Teasel]

Happy Birthday to the someone that's sad about not having ppl who make them feel special <3

And I like what your T did for the little someone x

 

[Ronin]

We were just being attention seeking or dramatic or something

Did you mean: meeting your needs, eloquent, and very brave?

(This should be one of those google 'did you mean' search terms, because I'm really not finding 'attention seeking' and so forth in anything you posted.) :hug:

 

[whiteraven]

I'm sorry your birthday is a triggering day for you and so hard. I wish you didn't feel like you had to apologize for posting about it. I think one of the reasons this group is - we are - here is to hear what folks need to say about what they are feeling and experiencing, and to help them through it. Whatever that is for you, it's important. I'm glad you posted!

Sounds like you got through your day and are trying to move forward. You are to be congratulated! (Even if it doesn't feel like it).

I have DID. Birthdays have always been kind of weird for me. *Family* has always been kind of weird. I've resisted the urge to tell everyone to take a flying leap, to just leave me alone. I do birthdays, even though they feel like obligations. They're not really triggering for me or my insiders, though. I imagine that would be really hard.

Some of my insiders celebrate their own "birthdays" or special days. We find that very affirming for them. We do stuff that is fun for them. It's fun for me, too.

 

[Ronin]

Some of my insiders celebrate their own "birthdays" or special days

^ This. Even though here, it's more literally the event that person originated from/at where known, instead of choice. But we've done rechoosing something else for a 'birthday' once having healed from that trauma to the point it became a memory and not a gaping wound recreating itself.

 

[Cerulean Synapse]

It's hard to celebrate our real birthday but Loni celebrates August 8 the day we got rid of our abusive ex that was trying to kill us.

 

[Keen]

We were just being attention seeking or dramatic or something

I agree with @Ronin , you were reaching out for attention/care because you had a legitimate need--to express your difficult feelings surrounding your body's birthday. Posting here was super brave and super smart, because getting support from others is what helps us get through the sucky stuff in life. We live in a weird society where people seem to think we all have to be independent and self-reliant, but humans were created to be interdependent and help each other out and we can't do that if one another's needs are not brought to our attention/we're not willing to reach out when we need help. Give yourself a high-five, and lots of self-care! You rock!