Did My Therapist Mishandle My Flashback?

[desiderata310]

Hi anon.
I have fully gone flashbacks as well but I also have some where NOW bleeds through just a bit. I am somewhat conscious of my therapist in the room. Those usually don't happen to me but it is possible that the OP is experiencing a flashback where she is conscious of her surroundings.

Consciousness is weird.

 

[desiderata310]

@DancingBull I get what @joeylittle is saying.
Went through a whole thing with my therapist where he became exasperated about this very thing.

Therapists are human. They get frustrated and scared for us too.

I can vaguely remember my therapist smacking his knee (he was emphasizing whatever it was he was saying by hitting his knee)as I was coming back and getting terrified that he was angry and viewing him as the dangerous person. It pushed me fully into the flashback.

One of the most helpful conversations we've had about this is the fact that he told me how helpless he feels when I have a flashback. He worries that he is doing more harm than good.

If you're having them almost every session, she may feel the same way: impotent, scared that she's doing something wrong. It might be time to talk about a plan to keep this from happening: if she can see the 'tells' of when this is about to happen she can refocus on helping you ground. We get up and walk outside, pet the dog, ANYTHING that will refocus and add sensory input for grounding.

Chances are your therapist would be horrified to learn she was the bad guy in your flashback.

Might be worth an email before to help give her a heads up so you aren't face to face trying to sort it out.

 

[Friday]

The irony is she thought she was keeping me safe by keeping me there, but in reality she was the unsafe person for me.

Hey DB :) Just coming back to this thread, lost it for a time.

One thing to keep in mind is that if she lets you leave the office in a flashback? It's not only your own safety in jeopardy.

Spoiler: Examples of

I've woken up out of a flashback miles away. Pulled over to the side of the road. Gone over every inch of my jeep for blood spatter, dents, paint scrapes. It's f*cking terrifying.

Similarly, I've come up out of both flashbacks and lights-on-no-one-home moderately to severely injured. Most recently my feet were blistered to the bone and my shoes sloshing with blood after wandering DC (not a safe city) for hours. I've woken up in the middle of a brawl. I've damn near assaulted someone trying to help me, because I thought they were someone else, somewhen else... And I have lashed out at people in that same head space.

I'm not so bad, these days. I can usually recognize something coming on before it slams into me. I haven't hurt anyone on accident in a very, very long time. But I'm still a danger to myself. And if driving? To everyone around me. Caught myself this winter switching into combat driving just because of a cranky-holiday-driver behind me. Scheisse.

Girlfriend of mine, meanwhile I have drug her ass of an intersection, because that's where she ran to "hide" and curl up in a ball. Damn near caused a pileup. Shudder.

We get used to dealing with this BS. But even though we're used to it? Doesn't mean we're safe. Your therapist may feel like the only unsafe person for you... But reality is... Walking the world with our head somewhere else? Means we're the ones who aren't safe. For ourselves and everyone else around us. If she's keeping you from leaving? She's the safest person in your life in that moment.

 

[SeaQuel]

It's not only your own safety in jeopardy.

Thanks Friday, of course you're right. I understand the rationale behind my therapist making sure I'm "present" before leaving the office. I've never questioned that, not once. Do I find it annoying sometimes? Yup. But I get it.

What my thread addresses is the way in which she handled bringing me out of my flashback. She triggered the sh*t out of me with her tone and actions.

This is all water under the bridge now, because I've since had a good, open discussion with her about it. She apologized for making me feel unsafe, she said that was not her intention. The only thing she admitted to was speaking more "harshly" than normal, but said she will not apologize for making sure she helps me come back from these episodes. She will not sit idly by. And I'm good with that, as long as she doesn't raise her voice like she did last time. Not cool.