Did You Feel Relieved When Your Abuser Died?

[Mr Magoo]

As of yesterday yes totally relieved my father is finally dead. I cant even comprehend the physical , mental and emotional torture that I endured as a child and well into my teens . The fear and anxiety runs deep. My hips are missaligned as a result of the beatings. I would hide under my bed when he came home from work because I knew he wash coming. He would drag me out by my feet and whip me repeatedly with the belt until I was screaming in pain.

Fast forward After 10 yrs of therapy and a 12 step program for many years and much love and support I was able to do a 9th step with him and make my amends. I felt relieved as I had confronted him , forgiven him and cleaned my side of the street. What I actually did was give him back all of his anger and rage. It was certainly not mine.

Anyway I rambling I could go on and on for days. I'm now 61 and finally at peace knowing that he can no longer hurt me or my family. Good riddance you miserable bastard!

 

[Rchsmh]

Thats how I feel. My stepfather got a letter to say he was being prosecuted by the CPS for child abuse (to myself and my sister, aged 11 & 12 at the time). He died the day after. He said he didn't do it.

We are getting blamed for his death, my mum has stood by him throughout. We reported the abuse to protect our nieces and nephews. Mum, over the last 4 years has alienated and discreted
Our name, weve lost almost all our family.

It's all new, as happened this week, however I feel nothing about his death, just the grey cloud has gone...'we are both free!' He won't now hurt others......x my sister and I are at peace.....we were believed! X x

 

[Victoria666]

My ex is dying of lung cancer. He is the father of our two teenage boys. He abused me sexually throughout our marriage. I was an adult and I let him do it. I loved him and trusted him and gave myself to him, and he took all those gifts and turned them into weapons to hurt me. I have never told my boys what a bastard their father is. Now I have to keep it together and pretend that I am fine and be strong for my sons who are losing a father they love. He never remarried and seems to be okay with his girlfriend (because he doesn't 'love' her the way he 'loved' me), so I think I am the only one he abused this way. I am completely alone in hating him and I am the only one who knows how dark and loathsome and monstrous he really is. If he is going to die, I want him to die quickly and in a way that does the least damage to my children. Will I be relieved? you bet your ass I will be. I will stand next to my sons at his funeral and pretend to be sad, but inside I will be relieved. I feel like the cancer is divine retribution for what he did to me. I hope it eats him alive.

 

[Multitudes]

I've never been able to start relationships, something always puts women off early on - I've gotten as far as a date or two, once or twice, but that's all. In recent times I realise that I have very low self-esteem, caused by my mothers unrelenting mental and emotional abuse throughout my childhood, and I imagine that this has been much of the issue all along.

So when someone finally did show interest, despite something I sensed making me feel really uncomfortable, I was so relieved that I just went with it.

My ex-wife turned out to be a covert narcissist who manipulated me for 23 years, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially, while I tried to understand, to help, to be patient with her, even as she treated me like a dog. In fact, she treated the dogs and cats much better - I've been told that I need feel no shame for 'letting' her control me as she did and I understand that rationally, but it's difficult, when I think of some of the things.. I wasn't worthy to sleep in a bed, I had a blanket on the floor that I shared with the animals so we could huddle together for warmth in cold weather as the stone floor got really cold.. for 15 years.
I can't sleep in a bed even now, it feels too strange, so I have a nest of blankets and cushions to curl up in. I don't know what it feels like to not be lonely as I've never had anyone, but I do feel lonelier as I can't have animals here.

How could I ever have let it all go that far, how can I ever see myself as a man?

One day she forced me out of the house so she could make a life with her current boyfriend. I was homeless and penniless for six months, but I felt free.. until she started stalking me, through family, work, internet, our kids, for 5 years, till she died.

I was called over to get the kids and her now-husband got the house.

I snuck into her room, that day, where her body was laying in the bed, and poked her in the cheek to make sure. It was all I could do not to scream at the sky with release, to be free of my Monster at last.
I don't feel guilty for that at all, not in the least, tiniest way, though I do feel a regret that she won't be able to apologise (not that she ever would have), and a sadness for all the wasted years.

Perhaps I have a mean streak, but I'm just waiting for my mother to drop dead now so, maybe, I can finally bury the past and all the pain.
I hope she goes soon!

 

[Butterflies2023]

When my mom died, I felt relief like "it was finally over" there was no hold on me and I could now be free to be myself. It was a great relief for me. Then I thought ...now it's just my brother... just wished every one who hurt me would die. Imagine that.

The T remained neutral and just let me talk. I wish the T helped me more.
But I truly understood why I felt that way.

I had chronic PTSD and these feelings happened due to years of neglect and abuse.

I am much healthier now and no longer have feelings of wishing my abusers death.

 

[charlieboy]

I felt a little bit of a lot of things. I know it was most likely just the manipulation, but I was i...

I felt a little bit of a lot of things. I know it was most likely just the manipulation, but I was in love with him. He died not even a week after getting to prison for charges unrelated to me. Not only did he die, but he was murdered. I can't really blame the guys that killed him, because he was an awful person. His only redeeming qualities from being an abusive, manipulative, empathy-less rapist were that he was fiercely protective of those he actually cared about (which were few) and that the reason he was so horrible was because of his equally as horrible father. The one time I saw him falter was at his father's funeral. When he died, I was relieved that he couldn't hurt me or anyone else ever again, and that I would never have to face him again, but ultimately, I wish he was still alive. I don't know if that's because I feel like I deserve to be hurt again, or if it's because he still owes me closure.

 

[AddyKitteneyCat]

I was very, very relieved. I didn't believe the person who told me, actually, and had to make some further p...

thank you for this. My abuser is in the hospital and I am not going to visit or call. But I did call to verify that he was actually in the hospital because he was very manipulative and I thought he might be trying to get money.
He’s probably dying but he’s not dead yet and I guess there’s a chance he could continue living if he chooses to get a prosthetic leg and go through chemo and surgery.
I’m grateful to have found this thread because I’m having a hard time holding these incredibly mixed feelings.