Did You Feel Relieved When Your Abuser Died?

[Chalia]

I just need to tell someone. I am free and my kids are free
We had helped a young man and his girlfriend through the ministry, he ended up raping me at gun point, sleeping with my husband at the time, burning my house down, putting my kids in dhs for a year, stalking us for 6 years and no one would listen to us, that he did this to punish me for not being 'his'. I lost everything, jobs, friends, family and my health. He was arrested for rape last year. He was just given 50 years two days ago. I feel so relieved. I can't believe this is real and I want to cry. I feel 20 years younger and I know my kids can safely play outside now. Thank you Yahuwah, God of Jacob.

 

[Chava]

Sounds totally normal, though I understand a lot of complicated feelings perhaps. Oddly, I feel like I will be more relieved when the bystander dies (could have protected me but didn't). Maybe that will change in time.

 

[Go Hungry]

I have no idea how I'm going to feel when my brother dies. I mean.. it's over. He lives in another state and doesn't hurt people anymore. He can't hurt me now, largely because he knows that I would call the police in an instant. He always was a big coward about getting in trouble. Hell, I think that's probably why he focused everything on me.. because he was afraid to attack anyone else. I guess I share the feeling that some others have, about him being dragged screaming to Hell. Not sure what to think about all that. They say God can only forgive you for something you feel you did wrong and regret... and he surely never regrets a thing.

Others though... There are some others who still to this day one of me with rage. I'm fairly afraid that I might get caught desecrating their graves.

 

[Cait1992Topi]

I thought that I would be relieved. He was a drug addict so I knew it was coming. He was also very dramatic and had taken hand fulls of pills before just for the attention (not all people do this, most people are actually trying to kill themselves but this one I KNOW was doing it for attention). He would blame it on me, tell me it was my fault that he tried to kill himself. I managed to get away from him (still not sure how I escaped that relationship, it's all still a blur even five years later) and two years ago he finally did it. He finally took enough pills to kill himself, and while it gave me a sick sense of satisfaction and made me feel like justice has been delt...I don't feel any better. I still struggle with the effects of his abuse and the memories still come in overwhelming waves. I tell myself that he is dead, that he can't hurt me anymore but it doesn't help, not really. All I want is to forget about him ever existing but I think about him daily and I swear sometimes I see his face screaming at me. I don't know. I don't know if I feel better now that he is dead, or if I still feel the exact same way as when I left him.

 

[desiderata310]

Both of my parents are now dead. There were others: my ex-husband and people who I will never see again...
Truth is? I just feel dead inside. I thought I would feel better. I actually wished them dead. I just feel hollow.

 

[Teasel]

When I heard of my grandfather's death, I felt quite overjoyed, in a very quiet sort of way. If that makes sense.
I remember, even my own Dad let me know I wasn't expected to go to his funeral.
And I was thinking just try n keep me away...

 

[Ronin]

Some, yes.

Others? Not so much. I wished for attempting to reconcile, or at least have a different closure to the whole relationship.

 

[Tlee]

My step dad died last spring. My brothers and I were physically abused by him. My mother has always turned her head to this stating "maybe we were a little strict with you." She grieves him terribly, I'm just glad he is gone. I love my mom. She was abused by her mother and my biological dad. She's always been frail and I have always protected her. I'm tired of hiding this particular secret though. I have had nightmares almost every night and my whole inner soul wants to scream "he was a bad person, just let him go."

 

[Parley]

I just hope I don't have the desire to go out of my way to dance on his grave. I'm starting to think forgiveness takes the pleasure out of hate.

 

[Freedomfighter]

My father always swore and smoked that he would kill anyone who ever laid a finger on any of we kids......

Holy s..., that is what my dad used to do too when I grew up as a teen. Would tell me who he overheard in the neighborhood bar who would talk about me and who would love to have physical relations with me. Then he would go on and pretend to be the concerned, protective dad. There were fellas in my teens, my dad would actually tell me who they were and then proceeded to tell me that they wanted me. Then he would act mad and tell me there is no way he would let them lay hands on me.

Because he wanted to be the head honcho abuser in my life. Perhaps to mislead too, after all he did allow total strangers to lay hands on me when I was a little kid.

I think every victim would have mixed feelings when their abuser dies. However the criminals that I am aware of now: I would dance on their grave no doubt.

With parents it is a little more difficult. I have important information, health information that could possibly save the live of my patriarch abuser. Will I tell, nope, don't think so.
In the past weeks I have been shown what a messed up bastard he really is. So to withhold live saving info does not bother me at all right now.

 

[SheriS]

This is for anyone who has experienced a similar situation so they know they are not alone: my adoptive mother died today. I was adopted at five years of age, and she was abusive since the first day. She, her husband (my adoptive father), and extended family all spent 18+ years gaslighting me: telling me that I was crazy when I said I remembered my biological mother, father and brother. Though I was old enough to remember and attempt to reason with them, they took me to doctors, psychiatrists etc telling them that I was their biological daughter and I was hallucinating. Many years into my adulthood, I found my biological brother (parents died) and found the truth, yet my adoptive family still denied everything. Fast forward many years, and I have been faced with (and now completed) the moral test of being the guardian of my abusive (physical and psychological) adoptive mother who had no other relatives to take care of her as she had dementia and alztheimers. When death was near, I sat by her side feeling little to nothing, but then the moment she died, I felt an enormous amount of relief wash over me. I was shocked by this, and then realized that this dark film that was covering all I saw and felt had been removed. It was if I experienced freedom for the first time. All I could see looked brighter. I could breathe again.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I felt such relief when my abusive father died about four years ago. I felt relief even though I had disconnected from him quite a long time ago. He had been using my sibs to get information about me and I felt as if I was living looking over my shoulder all of the time. I am sorry that you suffered so much under your adoptive mothers hands. I am so glad that now you are free.:hug: