Did You Feel Relieved When Your Abuser Died?

[BloomInWinter]

Yes, *#%* them!

 

[Springer80]

Personally I can't wait....I never got my chance for a court case so a funeral is the next best thing. It's been running around in my head what exactly I want to say about him for years. Seen as me and my brother are next of kin I'm hoping we get to plan it. I think people, if any turn up, which I doubt, should hear the truth about that piece of sh*t.

 

[Shellbell]

Two of mine (there are several), have died. My father and the man who sexually abused me as a child. I am glad they cannot hurt anyone else now.

My worst abuser (complete evil psycho - as per Police description) is still alive and has cancer, I hope he dies soon, because even though I live the other side of the world from him now to escape him, I still believe he will want revenge for escaping from him and being responsible for him going to prison and he will come after me. And anywhere is the world is only a plane trip away. Anyone can be found, and he is evil and revengeful enough to want me dead. This fear never goes away.

 

[Violet03]

When I found out my father died I had immense relief. I smiled. I felt a small measure of safety. He was my main abuser, the one that started when I was born and did the most damage. Then he taught my brother. My mother chose to turn a blind eye instead of protect me. Then there were a couple others. So, I guess I have a lot of issues. I'm not going to wish any of them to die like he did, but I can't wait to feel safe.

 

[a3a2]

Yes! Yes! Yes! Though it has been many years since my sexual abuser died, I still count the day I found out as one of the happiest in my life, just because I could feel a little bit safer!

 

[a3a2]

I don't feel emotion when I think of him now. I never miss him. I guess the only feelings I ever have towards him are feelings of unfinished business, that he could have been a better man, a better husband, and a better father. But the past is the past, and is it definitively un-changeable now. So I don't question my emotions...they are simply whst my mind feels. I can't pretend to miss him, or pretend to feel'sad. I would be lying to myself.

I suspect feelings will be much the same for me when my father dies. "Unfinished business"....well said.

 

[Abstract]

Although I never thought about it before I was surprised by the depth of my relief and sense of freedom. I was still in good girl mode and so it was a bit of a shock.

I think only once he died did I start appreciating the level of constant alert I was in in relation to him despite not living near to him. It was like being cut loose. Having the door unlocked. Part of that was scary and most of it was wonderful.

I was also relieved to be able to feel some sadness. Sadness for a life so wasted and sad for my loss of the chance to ever have a good father. Sadness for his unhappiness.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Both of my abusing parents are dead. My mom was killed in a plane crash when I was nineteen and it devastated me because we were reconciling. My dad died this year of cancer and i just felt weird. I feel relief now. I have had to cut off members of my family because they had contact with him.

I felt love for him when I got a small insurance benefit from him. Now I feel relief. I do not have to live looking over my shoulder for his interference in my life. I feel pretty good now that he is dead. He left me a legacy of such pain and anguish. He once said if he had it to do over again, he would do the same thing. I really hate him. I am glad he is gone. He did so much to destroy my life.

 

[Britt.f7]

When my grandma died, who I loved immensely, I told my sister I did not think I would grieve that way when our parent's died. Then my mom died last year. With all the issues I had with her over my life time, my husband was surprised the grief hit me as hard as it did. She died in a hospital and I was the first one there and sat with her body. It seemed unreal. I started drinking a lot of wine every night for about six months before I weaned myself. Now I have it once in awhile. I think we pretty much worked out many things over the years. I think we came to an understanding. I am only a little mad, because the one thing I wanted to talk about before she got sick and died was about the babysitter that attacked me and what she remembered happened. She got angry with me and snapped at me telling me what good would it do to bring the past up. That was, really, the only unresolved issue.

I almost lost my dad this year and I was afraid I'd lose it. The only thing I worry about here is that he'll have some stipulation in his will that I have to change my last name to my husbands in order to get an inheritance. Controlling from the grave wouldn't surprise me. Also, I hope my step mother dies before him, because if he dies first I don't trust what she will do. She always gets upset with him if he does something for me and my sister, or the rest of his family. Really I do not know how I'll react.

Now, when I googled up one of my attackers names and found out he was dead, I was calm. Not happy. Maybe the calmness was relief. Though, finding he died being chased by the cops and choking on the drugs he tried to swallow did bring me some comfort. Sick? Perhaps.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Britt, I do not think you are sick at all. I think you are very normal for what you have been through. Big hugs.:hug:

 

[badream]

Every so often, I Google his name to see if my abuser has died. This morning, I found that he had . I saw online , where he was buried. He has a grave. It bothers me, that he has a grave. A place where he is honored as a Decorated Veteran in the United States Army. His obituary did not contain the information , as to how he died. No, I do not feel relief. Perhaps, one day I will make the journey to his place of un-rest and take a p*** on it.

 

[BigBear]

badream,

That's a completely valid sentiment! Sometimes I wish I could raise Angel's dad from the dead, so I could kill him some more.

Bear