Differentiating What Is Ptsd And What Is Just Negative Thinking Related To Events After The Trauma

[EricaP]

I was originally told I had depression and GAD but My psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD and wanted me to have exposure therapy for it. My issue is understanding what symptoms are due to PTSD and what are due to negative events after the initial trauma and how to deal with them.

The initial trauma was being caught in a bushfire which destroyed our home when I was 10. As a result I become extremely anxious when there is a smell of smoke or reports of fire even when they are not nearby. Hot dry windy weather is also a trigger and seeing the aftermath of a fire even when completely extinguished. I can't cope with burns Even photos of burns makes me sick. I need to learn to know when it is reasonably to say I need to go somewhere to feel safe or to ask others to keep camp fires etc at a level I feel safe. I also need to learn to switch off from reports etc and be able to manage triggers when there is no actual threat.

The grey area is that after the fire we moved to a different suburb where there was no risk of fires. I struggled to make friends at the new school and had several years of feeling very alone. I had difficulty finding things to do in the new area and my siblings and I no longer got on well. My father became sick a year or two later and I no longer felt close to mum. (mum & I were home alone on the day of the fire but never spoke about it afterwards) I felt guilty that I hadn't helped during the fire. I should have at least grabbed photos etc to carry out with us but didn't as I thought we were going to die. This guilt may explain why I went out of my way to help my parents I never asked for new clothes even though I was embarrassed to wear the 2nd hand clothes given to us after the fire. I would get up early to mow lawns or clean windows etc during school holidays while mum & my siblings slept.

I now find it hard to relax and feel guilty about spending money other than on essentials and feel that noone really likes me. Anyone who is nice I discount by thinking they are jusdt too nice to let me know what they really think. I feel ugly and not worth while and over compensate by trying to be productive or helpful all the time. If unable to be useful due to fatigue or sickness or not bothering I feel worthless and lazy which stops me relaxing and allowing time to recover

 

[lostforgottensoul]

feel guilty about spending money other than on essentials and feel that noone really likes me. Anyone who is nice I discount by thinking they are jusdt too nice to let me know what they really think. I feel ugly and not worth while and over compensate

Join the club ALL of these feelings!

Im unsure of the question though?

My issue is understanding what symptoms are due to PTSD and what are due to negative events after the initial trauma and how to deal with them.

Thats whats confuing me. Been re-reading to understand. **head scratch** sorry!

Negitive events like fear? Phobia? Negitive thinking?

Can you light a lighter to start small? Or just a small fire in a kitchen sink? Something small and safe as a type of exposure therapy? A bon fire might be a bit much depending on how bad the fear is.

 

[Nevermore]

Hi Erica p
I have friends who went through the fires at St. Andrews and they are all still struggling on their own ways.
It sounds like ther was just not enough support for you and your family - and I think that of the others I know too. When everyone in a family is traumatised who do you reach out to?
You are not worthless or lazy - just need some external support to help you recover.
I remember maybe two years ago being amazed that the people that I knew who'd been through the fires all became suicidal. It was some years afterwards and they didn't dven know each other.
Not enough support. Too much effort put in trying to appear to be ok.
Some of the things they saw were hard to even listen to!
Just wanted to say it's not you , not sethinh wrong with you.
You need someone to talk it out with who is not similarly traumatised.
Thinking of you and your family and wishing peace for you!

 

[Nevermore]

Oh and those feelings of unlikability etc are all symptoms of ptsd. It's like you carry on regardless but others have no idea of the trauma you are living with - this the disconnect.

 

[Friday]

I go through phases where all my problems trace back to trauma-schtuff & PTSD... As well as go through phases where PTSD is a very small part of my life, and what's going on? LOL. Are just life things. Are they still problems? Yep. They're just completely unrelated to trauma & PTSD.

So my knee-jerk reaction is: What does it matter if it's a PTSD-Problem or Life-Problem? A problem is a problem is a problem. Needs sorting.

<grin> And that's where it matters (& I'm wrong in my knee jerk). Yep. It's pretty durn important IMO to sort out what's life-stuff & what's PTSD-stuff. As to effectively sort the problem that changes how I go about it.

For example, If I'm not buying clothes because of

- trauma-stuff? Yep. Might should sort out the trauma-stuff that is preventing me from buying clothes.
- unrelated PTSD symptoms? (Like being in crowds, getting overwhelmed by choices, etc.) Then that means I have to change my approach to the problem.
- a mix of PTSD & Life-Stuff? (Where PTSD has affected my life to a degree that it's got it's damn fingers in every pie: Like don't have any money, because I can't work, because my PTSD is kicking my ass) Then once again, my approach to the problem needs to shift focus.
- a mix of PTSD & Life-Stuff (the other way, where normal life stuff is triggering PTSD responses, either by increased stress levels or by "making" me react as if it's a different situation. AKA THIS time I'm short on clothes because of very reasonable life thing, but it's reminding me of the last time I was short on clothes which was a trauma thing, and I'm starting to react badly... So what started out life-stuff is becoming PTSD stuff.) Then I need to handle things in a different manner
- Life-Stuff? Thank gawd, an EasyButton ;) But just because it's unrelated to trauma or PTSD doesn't mean it's not a problem. It still is, and as such, still needs to be sorted.

It's very easy to get caught up in the "why" question (same as "what" in some ways, like what is PTSD & what isn't?... The question behind that is "Why am I doing this?"). To a degree, why is useful. Oh. That's why.

The far more important question, however, IMO is "How?" It's very easy to stay in "why" for 10,000 years and never move on to the next piece. How. Okay. How do I sort this problem?

 

[EricaP]

Join the club ALL of these feelings!

Im unsure of the question though?



Thats whats confuin...

Sorry I didn't explain myself vert well. It is now 50 years since the original bushfire . In those days there was no support I was sent back to school the next day 'to take my mind off it.' & 'to give mum a break' both statements made by the person who gave us temporary shelter. The Black Saturday Fires in 2009 were close to us but didn't directly impact us but stirred things up badly but I felt embarrassed about how I felt & couldn't ask for support because there were so many more deserving than me, My confusion lies in what is due to the PTSD & what is other stuff & if I'm supposed to have exposure therapy to PTSD what should I be exposed to. I can light a fire or match provided it feels safe so essential things like cooking on a gas stove etc I can manage. Obviously I have no intention of remaining in a location under direct threat of bushfire & don't see why I should have to put up with people building massive fires which feel very unsafe but I need to work out appropriate goals for managing the other triggers like becoming scared at the smell of smoke or sight of the aftermath of a fire when there is no threat.
With the other issues like feeling worthless and not deserving of anything nice are they part of PTSD or separate does it matter & how do I deal with them as they have a bigger impact over the whole year.

 

[EricaP]

And that's where it matters (& I'm wrong in my knee jerk). Yep. It's pretty durn important IMO to sort out what's life-stuff & what's PTSD-stuff. As to effectively sort the problem that changes how I go about it.

You make a lot of sense in that it only matters what is causing the problem so the most appropriate approach can be made. The problem for me is identifying the cause and working out what to do about it. A lot of the problems I have at the moment is to do with 'life stuff' but this is magnified by my reaction to events which makes it very hard to deal with. eg my husband has been very sick over the last few years leading to lots of stress trying to manage my caring role, working part time ( my husband can't work), looking after the house etc. Several attempts to have a holiday so I could have a complete break & recover failed due to my husband getting sick. Rather than just accepting what was happening and looking forward to things improving every negative event just 'proved' things would never get better, I was a failure because I wasn't managing other negative self talk destroyed any chance to rest & recover. I have now given up work which gives me more time to focus on the negatives and means that I have nothing to distract me from worrying about any bushfires reported anywhere in the country.
Why can't I just manage better & not make things worse

 

[Nevermore]

Yes Erica p, the feelings of worthlessness and not deserving anything nice are part is ptsd! I don't understand why, but know it's so.
Have you looked at a list of symptoms? You'd be surprised!
I started to recognise that I may have ptsd mysekf after hearing a radio program about it and being amazed that I had just about every symptom.
It does matter! you matter!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Have you looked at a list of symptoms?

PTSD symptoms are generally grouped into four types: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking and mood, or changes in emotional reactions.

Intrusive memories

Symptoms of intrusive memories may include:

Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event

Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks)

Upsetting dreams about the traumatic event

Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the event

Avoidance

Symptoms of avoidance may include:

Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event

Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event

Negative changes in thinking and mood

Symptoms of negative changes in thinking and mood may include:

Negative feelings about yourself or other people

Inability to experience positive emotions

Feeling emotionally numb

Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed

Hopelessness about the future

Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event

Difficulty maintaining close relationships

Changes in emotional reactions

Symptoms of changes in emotional reactions (also called arousal symptoms) may include:

Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior

Always being on guard for danger

Overwhelming guilt or shame

Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast

Trouble concentrating

Trouble sleeping

Being easily startled or frightened

Link Removed

Add this w/ the BPD symotoms i posted in another thread and i wonder how im even half way 'sane' or as functional as i am...

 

[EricaP]

PTSD symptoms are generally grouped into four types: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative c...

Thanks for your reply,
I have seen the list of symptoms & definitely have a number of them. The negative thoughts & emotional responses are much worse when life is stressful but is concentrating on managing the PTSD the best way forward or should I be trying to deal with the other stressors. I doubt if there is a difinative answe.

 

[ghotiff]

Have you read the PTSD cup explain action, it's on the home page.

Personally I'm working on both, but the trauma stuff will take longer for me to manage than the daily stressors, so I do put a lot of effort into managing the daily stressors.

Have you considered medication. It's not for everyone, but it can really help.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For me, my mental disorders compound my daily stessors & visa versa, so if i can change my negitive thinking, learn emotional regulation, distress tolerance & mindfullness (DMT workbook mainly for the BPD) then the daily stressors are handled better. If that makes sense.

I did see the PTSD cup forever ago but dont remember it really.

Though i hope it gets easier to work through the DMT workbook as im finding my emotions storming quite a lot more, could barely write in it last night, my hands were shaking so bad.