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Difficulties with crying

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Maybe you have something like that - where you thought you were giving, but it was actually also giving back to you....

Yeah, I think I do. I mean a couple times for the month I volunteer at the hospital on the Adult Mental Health Unit. I started doing it because I used to volunteer on another unit but I didn't really enjoy it too much and they needed volunteers on that unit, so I said okay. At first it made me uncomfortable because I had similar problems, but I enjoyed spending time with the patients and talking with them. Now, though, after reading you post, I think it also helps me in a way. When I talk to them and show them compassion and things like that, it points out to me how kind I am to other people, but not to myself. And that in the same way I believe they should be treated, is the same way I should treat myself. It's like I know it, but I don't do it. I still don't do it, well at least not as much as I should, but I try sometimes. It's really hard though, because I keep think that yeah I should be kind to myself, but at the same time, it's like yeah but I also caused all of this to happen, so I deserve the consequences and punishments and bad feelings that come along with it.
 
I should be kind to myself, but at the same time, it's like yeah but I also caused all of this to happen, so I deserve the consequences and punishments and bad feelings that come along with it.
Because you wrote about your hospital experience, it makes me think that you have hope for healing. I sometimes doubt I have hope, but then I listen to kyself and see hope - no matter how buried.
I was waiting for some big proof that I am not faulty, but nothing is ever enough. No matter how “good I do.”
So now I am wondering if I was going about it all wrong. Maybe I just do little things and wait for them to build and start to feel some self worth...
The struggle for that is real... ?
 
I was waiting for some big proof that I am not faulty, but nothing is ever enough. No matter how “good I do.”

Yeah, I feel like whenever I look too hard for hope (and other things too), I get two outcomes: either I find nothing and get depressed, or I find something, but it is the opposite of what I was looking for and I get depressed. So now I don't try to look too hard, I just do things as they come, and if I happen to notice hope as they come I accept it and enjoy it, but if I don't, I don't overthink it because maybe tomorrow I'll stumble across it, who knows. It may sound like the more lazy approach, but I find it works for me.
 
Sometimes it is a fantastic release, other times I only feel worse. But I promise you, you are NOT an unfeeling monster.

^^^ I second this.

I have struggled to cry until the past year. Even now, it's a like a little flash, then it's gone.

In my experience, I could actively feel parts of myself pushing the sadness away. I didn't cry at my Grandads funeral, even though I really wanted too, because I wanted to be brave. Not letting emotion out can be harmful & it certainly has been for me.

Finding what works for you is the best thing I think :)
 
I have not approached my sadness. I cry at the drop of a hat but it's not crying it's tearing up. Last week it happened a couple times just while I was driving and it makes me pay attention like maybe I'm getting somewhere.

I don't particularly like it and it doesn't make me feel any better.

I have to hide it sometimes, even with my family (like watching tv or whatever) I laugh about it but I still feel embarrassed. I don't mind this.
 
I am right there with you. I haven't been able to cry since the traumatic events that I endured for several years of my life. I have tried to cry and sometimes feel like it was coming only to end up with just watery eyes. They say that crying is a good emotional release. I think this is why I worry so much about not being able to get a good cry to surface. I have also noticed that I get more aggressive than anything, feeling like that is my non-healthy release of expression. I am so glad to know that It is not just me.
 
Not much of a cryer either. I didn't cry through all the crap that happened. And I hardly ever cry now., though lately I do cry for some things, sometimes (eg something sad that happens to to her people or to animals: but never about my stuff. Not sire if that's weird or not.

I hope you get to a point where you can let yourself cry if/when you feel a need to but as other ls have said, not crying doesn't make you a monster.
 
I heard that crying is cathartic and makes you feel better after.
That's because it's not really something people choose to do. It's more like a stress reaction. Stress triggers crying which triggers the release of calming brain chemicals.
You don't have to cry to feel better. That's a myth. And even though crying releases endorphins (theory?) it still sucks. I hate getting that way because I can't breathe properly for a while after. I actually find that resisting crying is more beneficial. Sure a few tears may drop when I feel too much but, I try to avoid getting upset enough to end up with a stuffy nose.
If you feel bad and can't cry then try another coping method. Even for those of us that do cry it's usually not enough alone to get back on track.
 
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