- Post starter
- #13
Ive seen through diferent conversations about this that its diferent expetations to the role of a therapist. Many say I cant not expect a therapist to say "heal well" when one is sick. But as Chava write above here "keep nourishing those needs for meaning and connection". So If a therapist cant say those words cause she is a therapist it becomes mechanical for me. And it leave me without meaning and connetion. I would not expect any more. She dont have to call or write long messages or anything. Just send me a small sign that it matters so I can also learn that I matter. To phrase Chava again "...deserve support and love. What you need from a therapist is a sense of positive regard, some stability, and care, all with the aim of you developing that more internally for your self as well" The worst part of my childhood was actually this - total lack of love and care. And how am I suppose to know how to care for myself if nobody teach me?
When it comes to therapist I feel to much is my responsibility.
I feel Im saying sorry to many times to smooth things over. I tried to talk with her about some of my frustrations. And I see sometimes she do try. But most time I just feel Im a dificult ungrateful no good sorry ass person. It is the same feelings I had with my "mother". Things would go wrong beteween us and I would do anything for us to communicate again. Take responsibility. I want some one to say to me - Im sorry - I was wrong. Or Im sorry I could have handle it diferent. Without me having to ask a person to say this in the first place. It makes me insecure abpout myself and that I am always wrong and everybody else is right. But yes - I will try to talk with her again. I will try to be calm and clear as I can.
And what she said in last sms yesterday confirms this. I know for sure she said she would take contact for new appointment. I was holding on to that straw. And then she goes saying that its a misunderstanding cause she didnt say that. And she was waiting for me to show my interest by taking contact myself.
Its a power struggle. And I dont want it. I dont need it. It waste my time.
Caring is healing too.
And last I just want to add - she is a good person. Just maybe not the right therapist. For me.
And one more thing - thanks for all support here now matter. This has made me reflect in a good way. And to feel your care in commenting means more then my words can explain.
When it comes to therapist I feel to much is my responsibility.
I feel Im saying sorry to many times to smooth things over. I tried to talk with her about some of my frustrations. And I see sometimes she do try. But most time I just feel Im a dificult ungrateful no good sorry ass person. It is the same feelings I had with my "mother". Things would go wrong beteween us and I would do anything for us to communicate again. Take responsibility. I want some one to say to me - Im sorry - I was wrong. Or Im sorry I could have handle it diferent. Without me having to ask a person to say this in the first place. It makes me insecure abpout myself and that I am always wrong and everybody else is right. But yes - I will try to talk with her again. I will try to be calm and clear as I can.
And what she said in last sms yesterday confirms this. I know for sure she said she would take contact for new appointment. I was holding on to that straw. And then she goes saying that its a misunderstanding cause she didnt say that. And she was waiting for me to show my interest by taking contact myself.
Its a power struggle. And I dont want it. I dont need it. It waste my time.
Caring is healing too.
And last I just want to add - she is a good person. Just maybe not the right therapist. For me.
And one more thing - thanks for all support here now matter. This has made me reflect in a good way. And to feel your care in commenting means more then my words can explain.
