Disappointment

[MEME]

Todays session was total crap.

We could have easily continued from where we left off last session. We did not.
He did not remember our discussion, which was related to something extremely stressful and i was almost in tears talking about it. It was such an important incident, it changed me, it moved me, it changed my outlook on life. It changed me spiritually.

It was a very important event in my life and he forgot to follow up on it. No worries, i casually brought it up and he looked confused and said "what is that about" i explained furthur and he then remembered.

:(

Rest of the session was downhill. I talked. He listened. Asked me nonsense questions which he should have known the answer to, as we have discussed it hundred times.

I left the session feeling fustrated. If he is not able to work with me, he should say so. I keep on thinking it was me who was doing therapy all wrong and. Kept on trying to improve.
I think its him, who is simply not interested in working with me.

I am hurt, as last week i did not want to disclose the incident since it was very emotional. But he talked me into it and i shared. And today he just forgot. He takes notes, and seems like he didnt even bother to read them before my session.
Cause it just was not important enough.
Feels like he doesnt care and i have been an easy pay chq for him for the whole year.

 

[Naoru]

I am so sorry your session went so poorly. It's very disappointing when our sessions aren't as fulfilling as we need them to be. :hug:

There have been a couple times my t has forgotten or confused some disclosures, and honestly, it sucked. But I don't think this means our therapists don't think it's important or they're not interested in working with us. I think it just means they have many clients and they are human like the rest of us, probably with their own drama happening on the sidelines. ;) I also prefer to think they forget because they're too busy trying to think of all of the other ways they can help us. :D

In all seriousness, it doesn't dismiss their mistakes, but it allows me to have a little more compassion and forgiveness. Sure, ideally, we should never know when our therapists are distracted or have something personal going on, but they are human... and to me, that makes my t all the more relatable and easy to open up to.

That said, if this keeps happening (as this has only happened maybe twice with my t) or you really aren't comfortable proceeding, maybe this isn't the right fit? Could you look into getting a different t? When you go back, would you be open to discussing your feelings about this with him?

 

[EveHarrington]

I doubt it's you.

He may have other distractions in life. He may hate his job and be stuck there because of student loans. Who knows? But I seriously doubt it's you.

Not that this is a good excuse, rather I hate to see you blame yourself.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Todays session was total crap.

We could have easily continued from where we left off last session....

Whenever I am in very stressful situations or remember past traumas I will make notes too. Do you think the T would be annoyed if you showed him personal notes you made about important areas that you talked about before each session?

 

[MEME]

that would kind of defeat the purpose right? if i have to remind him in the beginning about last session what we discussed.

its feel like i am not wanted there, yet i go there again and again.

i wont go anymore, but the question remains... why?

what did i do wrong?
what is it about me, that makes him disinterested in working with me?
why does he not care?

there was in issue couple weeks ago...i needed to reach him, and couldnt. i spoke to his receptionist..and she asked ...dont you have his cell number? i said no..she said u shud have it..and gave it to me..after i insisted that i didnt want it..since he never gave it me...why should i take it from her. well she gave it to me and i took it at the end. it was weird. well today i looked at the number and checked if he has ever given me that number. nope. never.

it hurts.
and i cant stop examining myself, as to what is wrong with me? why didnt this work out? how more compliant should i have been? what should i have said and not said.
what makes me so unlikable?
how did i mess this up?

i dont know...

but i think it will hurt alot more , if i asked these questions and he answered them truthfully.
it was all me.
i was too much.
i couldnt understand what he was saying.
i made no sense when i talked.
etc.

 

[Silver.]

Try not to go to the worst case scenario about what is happening. It would be good to get to a calmer state and try to look at the overall picture.
Health care in general has gone down hill. The reason is because there are too many patients and too little time. It can happen that your therapist doesn't review notes before your session. While it is very painful to feel like we are not being heard because this happens, we have to understand that it can happen. (that does not make it okay)
If it happened with every session, then it would be time to find a new therapist. They have lives, they have other patients, they do get busy. It isn't an excuse, but the behaviour can continue if they don't realize how upsetting it is because we haven't voiced our concerns.
When things like this come up, it is important to voice how we are feeling and not interpret it that the therapist doesn't care.

If you aren't comfortable with calling your therapist on the cell phone, because it wasn't him that gave the number to you, you could tell him the next time you see him that his receptionist gave you his cell number to call him if you needed, and ask if that is okay, for your own peace of mind.
But remember, it is a very high chance that she has been authorized to give out his number to patients should they need it (otherwise he would be getting calls, being upset, and asking the receptionist not to do that)

Also, if you have his email address, it would be good to email him all of these concerns. I find that if I write an email, save it for a few hours, and then go back and re-read it before I send it, to make sure that I have everything I want to talk about, and in a calm manner, it tends to help communication between my T and I.
Because when in her office I am overwhelmed shaky, nervous, all of that. At home, I can work out my thoughts and feelings in a calmer manner and articulate what I need to say through the email. We don't use email as our form of therapy, but is has been extremely helpful in certain aspects of things I have needed to convey to her.

Best of luck x