Disclosed Too Much

[Emurum]

I'm afraid I disclosed too much to my therapist. I can't put pandora back in the box now. I'm scared to death she will tell me I am too much to deal with and I need to find someone else. I was thinking maybe I shouldn't say so much. I know that doesn't sound rational, but there is a part of me that thinks it is because I am afraid if I don't then she will leave. Ugh.
My last two sessions have been pretty full of information and disclosure which I have never done...ever... To that extent. Makes me want to vomit. The information I shared was fairly explicit. My appointment is Monday afternoon. I am feel really off about this right now. Help?

 

[Emad]

It's pretty rare for a therapist to say a client is "too much". It doesn't usually have anything to do with the amount of trauma or severity of it.

 

[Ekepem]

Go to the appointment. Please go. What you are feeling is really common after disclosing stuff in therapy. There may be reason to slow down, but you didn't do anything wrong and it's really important to go. Especially now. Don't find a new therapist until you really for sure know this therapist is going to reject you.

I don't think the therapist will leave you based on what you disclosed at all. There is a chance she could refer to you to someone else - just like if a doctor who treats one problem might refer a patient to someone else if they decide a different doctor is more qualified. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong, if this does happen.

Even more so, it is very likely that if you go back, you will have what is called a "corrective emotional experience." This is the bread and butter of good trauma therapy. You will have a chance to experience taking a risk and being safe, not being rejected. But being heard, validated, and accepted. This may be scary in and of itself, but it's very important work.

Your fears and concerns and how you are feeling now are good things to bring up with the therapist, if and when you can. It will likely help a lot. It's also an opportunity to practice not seeing the situations being so black and white. "I said too much, now one of us has to leave the relationship" is a message that comes from trauma. Let's say you did say too much (I don't think you did, but let's just say you did.) In healthy relationships, especially in therapeutic ones, saying too much is not grounds for rejection. At the very worst, it's a matter to work through.

You are doing very good work, and you have good reason to be proud of yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

You can do this. :hug:

 

[Apin]

Thanks for sharing your struggle with us, Emurum.

I have the same fear. My therapist knows about my complex trauma history, just not the actual details yet, we've been doing a lot of damage control for the present before digging into the past. I worry that if I disclose all of the coping skills that I've used in the past (various types of self harm, disordered eating, maladaptive daydreaming, dissociation, and so on) that she'll throw up her hands and tell me she needs to refer me out. Even though she's never given me the slightest indication that this is on her mind.

I also fear her empathy. I don't want to see her face when I tell her what has happened to me or how I deal with it.

I'm sorry I don't have more for you than what I've said. Know you're not alone, what you're feeling is natural and common. I go back on Tuesday and I plan on telling her both of these fears, I would encourage you to do the same! Best of luck to you in your journey. Wishing you a bright and healing 2016.

 

[Jaco]

My guess is if you haven't disclosed before it's just your feelings and anxiety running amuck from that. It's a huge scary thing to finally tell someone about our past trauma and frankly it scares the hell out of us! I remember the first time I disclosed, I thought I was going to throw up and that my world as I knew it was going to end. I didn't, and it didn't. Instead I started to heal and found out there's actually people who will be there for me and help me get through this hell and not abandon me. Hang in there, you will get through it. Give your T and yourself a chance. :hug:

 

[Awufe]

you can't heal unless you disclose. Hiding just lets it fester. That is what the therapist is for. It is huge progress that you trusted your therapist to disclose your trauma, well done, that is a huge barrier you have crossed. Your therapist wants that. Yes these feelings are natural, to feel afraid that no-one can cope with that kind of disclosure and they will reject you. And it happens, but not with a good therapist. And if that therapist is good and cannot handle that trauma, yes they will refer you onto someone who can. That is not your failing, that is a good thing to have a therapist who is able to recognise trauma and know when you need extra help. It is not rejection if that happens. But you have to go and find out and that is a huge step too but it means you are on your way to healing. and I have been in the same situation. My thing is will I be believed.

 

[Eke]

What you're fearing is totally normal! Happens when you disclose such private information, we were taught to hide and be rejected. What you did was a good thing! It's just our past that seems us into a tailspin of doubt and fear.

Add me to the list of people whom were certain my trauma would cause my therapist to send me packing. Especially after I took me so long to let him know everything. I can't even tell you how many times I've felt like vomiting, running, hiding, never returning, and even picking fights with T just to justify his maybe rejecting me(none have ever worked, he is still with me).

 

[Ohule]

I like to play the "...And then what?" game when I'm afraid of something.

So let's suppose my therapist tells me they aren't equipped to handle what I need (and that's happened a few time to me, IRL). Okay. And then what?

I find someone who can.

Yep. That simple. ;) But but but... There are often other fears ganging up. So I play with those guys, too. Okay.
- But what if I can't find someone? Then what?... Create action plan.
- But what if I find someone and can't afford them? Then what?... Create action plan.
- But what if
- But what if
- But what if

((Last night as I was lying here, some What Ifs crawled inside my ear. They danced and partied all night long. And sang their little What If song.))

There are 2 tricks to this game.

1) Generally come up with at least 2 options for each fear....
What if my therapist can't help me? Then what?
- I find someone who can.
- (I ask my therapist to help me find someone who can.)
- (I continue to see Therapist A while looking for Therapist B.)
- (Self Study)
- (Look into other programs)
...and only 1 of them is "allowed" to be super depressing ;), or super silly, or whatever.
- (I melt into a puddle of goo sobbing into her carpet while wailing) :arghh;
- (I go dig for gold in the Yukon) :p


2) Discriminate. Learn to put a problem in its right size;

Fears let me know something is a possibility. If I know something is possible? I can plan for it. Predictable is preventable. Fear does not let me know how probable something is, however. I can be afraid of being killed by a toilet crashing through the atmosphere from a defunct space station breaking up, or be afraid of gaining weight from eating a cake. I can play the ...And then what? game with each. (Move out of the way, go to the gym, etc.). But while I may often be going to the gym to run off the cake I'm afraid will make me fat, because yep! Someone else has just gone and had a birthday... I have yet to dodge a flying toilet.

 

[Emurum]

Gosh guys... Thank you for your replies. I think fear of rejection messes with my head enough that I have to even post things here anonymously. My therapist has never said anything that would give me the idea she is going to kick me to the curb....ever. On the contrary, she says that it is an appropriate place to talk about things and that it is safe and she is safe. That really f*cks with my head. Safe to me is being able to know and predict someone's next move. Safe is not a black abyss where I don't know what will happen next. Therapy is a black abyss. She is a black abyss because I don't know her on any intimate level where I can study her characteristics enough to predict the outcome after I tell her something. I know it is a leap of faith. It sucks. If she did refer me, I would agree and then never go. I am not equipped to do "this" again. I really want to feel better more than anything, but I just don't think I could do the therapy thing again. She wants me to do emdr which she does but I can't even sit that close to her in a room yet. Crazy.

 

[Arow]

I do understand that to a point. Trusting leaves you vulnerable which leaves you open to be hurt. The thought of being hurt or even allowing you self to possibly be hurt is terrifying, but you'll never get better if you keep running and hiding from yourself and your pain. You need to take a leap of faith and let the pain out, face it, deal with it, and slowly move forward so you can begin to heal.