Dissociating and the public

[Midnightmoon]

For the first time (maybe a long time coming!) today I was publicly shamed for dissociating- sworn at and and got a short mouthful of 'unpleasant feedback'. I struggle with going out anyway, and this has made me want to isolate even more. Normally I can pass in public ok and unless you really know me you wouldn't know I was spaced out. But for whatever reason today it was awful and I litteraly froze and I guess the public weren't impressed!

Short of never leaving the house again any ideas on managing less than understanding people? I use earphones which really help. I just smiled apologetically and got out of there as quick as possible.

 

[Charbella]

Were they angry at your dissociation (doubtful they knew) or at what you were/weren’t doing? I don’t think it’s okay to be rude to someone I’m just asking what they wanted of you. Were you in line and your turn was next? What prompted the outburst from them if you saw it from their point of view?

It’s hard to help you navigate without more information.

You may have been dealing with a jerk who was just being a jerk and then I’d say process that it was them not you and calm your system.

Maybe you need to be more attentive at certain points like checking out at the grocery store but the rest of the outing not worry about it.

Most people don’t notice someone spacing out and if they do they don’t rudely point it out. However if you’re in the way of me getting out of the store I’m probably going to say something, for me it would just nicely say hey your next and pointing to what you clearly haven’t seen.

Can you give more context?

 

[Friday]

- If someone tries to kill me? They lose my allegiance.

- If someone is an asshole to me? They lose my giving a f*ck about them, or what they want, UNLESS; we’ve got history, it’s my job, I’m in the middle of saving their life or their assholery is -similarly- equally understandable. <<< Managing strangers, much less asshole strangers, is NOT where I’m going to choose to spend my finite resources.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Were they angry at your dissociation (doubtful they knew) or at what you were/weren’t doing? I don’t think it’s okay to be rude to someone I’m just asking what they wanted of you. Were you in line and your turn was next? What prompted the outburst from them if you saw it from their point of view?

It’s hard to help you navigate without more information.

You may have been dealing with a jerk who was just being a jerk and then I’d say process that it was them not you and calm your system.

Maybe you need to be more attentive at certain points like checking out at the grocery store but the rest of the outing not worry about it.

Most people don’t notice someone spacing out and if they do they don’t rudely point it out. However if you’re in the way of me getting out of the store I’m probably going to say something, for me it would just nicely say hey your next and pointing to what you clearly haven’t seen.

Can you give more context?

Completely my fault, I could feel myself going in the middle of a shop so tried to move to the side, but busy so nowhere really to go that's quiet. Next thing I know there's someone swearing at me in my face because clearly I was in her way and she wanted to get to whatever was on the shelf and I clearly wasn't responding.

 

[Friday]

Completely my fault, I could feel myself going in the middle of a shop so tried to move to the side, but busy so nowhere really to go that's quiet. Next thing I know there's someone swearing at me in my face because clearly I was in her way and she wanted to get to whatever was on the shelf and I clearly wasn't responding.

So the last time something like this (zoned. the. f*ck. out.) happened to me in a grocery store? This ANCIENT combat vet (80’s or 90’s) linked arms with me and drug me around the grocery store, talking to/at me, until I snapped back to reality. “You know, in my day? Women drove ambulances. Right into the thick of it, everyone was hell bent for leather to get away from. How ‘bout you? Helicopters! Wow! The world sure has come a long way, hasn’t it? Amazing, this life. Just amazing. Some things stay the same, through. Lights on, no one home. Happens to all of us.”

Sometimes? When you’re having a hard time? You run into great people.
Sometimes? When you’re having a hard time? You run into assholes.

 

[No More]

Completely my fault, I could feel myself going in the middle of a shop so tried to move to the side, but busy so nowhere really to go that's quiet. Next thing I know there's someone swearing at me in my face because clearly I was in her way and she wanted to get to whatever was on the shelf and I clearly wasn't responding.

This sounds to me like a them problem, not a you problem.
I mean obv the dissociation in public is a problem but the vast majority of people would have been decent or at the very most mildly ticked off & inconvenienced but certainly not a raging asshole.

Unfortunately sounds like you ran into one of those, and that’s totally a them problem.

 

[Midnightmoon]

So the last time something like this (zoned. the. f*ck. out.) happened to me in a grocery store? This ANCIENT combat vet (80’s or 90’s) linked arms with me and drug me around the grocery store, talking to/at me, until I snapped back to reality. “You know, in my day? Women drove ambulances. Right into the thick of it, everyone was hell bent for leather to get away from. How ‘bout you? Helicopters! Wow! The world sure has come a long way, hasn’t it? Amazing, this life. Just amazing. Some things stay the same, through. Lights on, no one home. Happens to all of us.”

Sometimes? When you’re having a hard time? You run into great people.
Sometimes? When you’re having a hard time? You run into assholes.

Woah, what an amazing human being to run into!

 

[Charbella]

Completely my fault, I could feel myself going in the middle of a shop so tried to move to the side, but busy so nowhere really to go that's quiet. Next thing I know there's someone swearing at me in my face because clearly I was in her way and she wanted to get to whatever was on the shelf and I clearly wasn't responding.

Yeah you ran in to an ass and I’m sorry.

Maybe since you’re struggling with dissociation you could plan to go to the shop when it’s less busy? For your sake not hers.

I hate shopping which means I can be in and out of Costco in less than 10 with a completely full cart on a Saturday. Because I visualize the fastest way to get from A to Z. There’s no time for dissociation I’m too focused on the task of getting out. However if you’re intent is to take yourself back out into the world then plan for more low key ways of doing it.

People are generally nicer when they aren’t in a hurry. If you went midday during the week you might’ve met the nicest person (like Friday did) who would’ve helped instead of hurt you.

 

[Midnightmoon]

If I was being charitable maybe they had stuff going on themselves and I was their final straw on a stressful day. Public humiliation is never great, especially when it's for something that feels very much out of my control at the min (but working on it). I wish I had had the guts to say something at the time but it took all the brain power I had to just get out of the way. The UK use sunflower lanyards to highlight hidden disability, which I've seen other people wear, but not sure if that would help or hinder in this situation . I'm already very visibly disabled physically so it kind of feels surplus to requirements, and if people are going to be arsey a lanyard is hardly going to change their behaviour Maybe I need to practice my 'f off I'm trying the best I can here' face

 

[Tinyflame]

Some people carry a business sized card, if they are deaf or dissociate or it's hard to speak or words might slur, just saying I have a medical condition and may (x, y, z), or find it hard to (x, y or z). Which you might not be able to access if dissociated anyway. And if they are a jerk, words may be wasted, or not their right to know.

Sorry that happened to you.

 

[Charbella]

Love practicing the F off face! That’s exactly what they deserved and if I’d been there I’d have done it for you. I don’t put up with jerks in public. Even if it’s not toward me.

 

[brokenpony]

i seem to have the F-off face as default and what happens is strangers comment on that. they say “you look upset” or tell me to smile or more recently “things will get better” (or something i can’t exactly recall but basically that meaning). i feel like there is an ideal neutral expression face some people have.