Dissociation 101

[Bullying Survivor]

This post is so very helpful and illuminating. I dissociated for most of my 47 years, and like most others here, did not even realize it or have a name for it until I found out about the C-PTSD. I went through a bunch of abuse as a kid, and checked right out. Anxiety and panic joined dissociation once I left home, and simmered along in the background through my pretty functional 30s and early 40s. When I developed chronic fatigue (hmmm ... a new stop on the PTSD express) I went into emotional lockdown mode and sat in front of the tv knitting for 2 years. Then last month the cork sort of popped and I entered an intense phase of grieving. I have some clues where the grief comes from, but can't pin it to any specific actual memories. I weave in and out of grief, anxiety and dissociation. I'm just beginning therapy for the long-buried trauma and struggle to stay present as I talk about my stuff. I really hope that I can learn to move back into my body, my long-ignored and much neglected home. :unsure:

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

This article was extremely helpful to me.

"Dissociation is a survival mechanism

Am trying so hard to both identify and get out of dissociation. It's really impeding my therapy.

Bloom,
I realize you originally wrote this last year, but I'm new on the site and just discovered it.

Your comment about dissociation impeding your therapy caught my eye. I wondered - isn't that one reason why you are in therapy? Then I saw your more recent posts that you are working on it and improving. So happy for you!

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Inspired2bFree)))))

Thanks so much!

I do still have moments where I just 'shut my T. off' for a few seconds, but it is SO much better.

It's a lot better out in the real world, too. I will say that I seemed to hit the cutoff switch all of a sudden months ago, and could NOT get comfort in dissociation. My sensory input, feelings, etc. was all on high alert for a few weeks. I seriously considered drinking because it was almost intolerable. But I kept putting my DBT/CBT skills into practice and it finally let down.

...and my baseline anxiety is the lowest I've ever been in my life, I believe.

Learning the skills and practicing them has taken a long time but all of a sudden...growth.

Now I've got the courage to go back and keep asking my T. what the rest of his sentences were. :giggle:

I find I don't need to employ that mental defense nearly so often since I'm changing my internal dialog with comforting statements/challenges all day.

 

[anthony]

This is an excellent piece on dissociation. It breaks it down into simplicity for people to understand, which is nice to see nowadays.

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

(((((Inspired2bFree)))))

Learning the skills and practicing them has taken a long time but all of a sudden...growth..

That is so fantastic!!! Growth does seem to take F-o-r-e-v-e-r!! I'm really happy for you that things have improved so much!

 

[Estacia]

This has been my "coping" mechimism since I was 5.

 

[Shellbell]

I'm just coming to terms with how much of my life has been spend in a dissociative state. One period of severe dissociation, lasting years with no memory. Some during times of other abuse and trauma. But also during my 'normal' day to day functioning. I am doing it now a lot.

It is a coping mechanism, and a good one too during severe trauma.

Does make me wonder how it will affect my therapy when we start getting to the painful stuff....I guess it is one of things I need therapy for though.

 

[ISupportHer]

Thanks for this. Just now seeing it.

 

[Britt.f7]

Okay, I realize that I experience dissociation when I talk to some people and when they walk away I have absolutely no idea of what was just said. Yet, I know I carried on a conversation.

But, what I would like to know, is dissociation also when you talk about traumatic events in a matter of fact way, with no feeling behind it. You know, like you would talk about the weather? Or is that something else entirely?

Thanks.

 

[Shellbell]

Britt.f7, I have that too, I can't remember some coversations, even with my husband.

And I can talk about certain trauma's like I'm talking about something I saw on the TV. Like I know it happened, but have no emotional response to it at all. One of these is getting attacked in a park at knife point - at the time it was like it all happened in slow motion, I got away, went to the police and I think it's probably only because another woman had been attacked too that they believed me - as I was completely emotionless about it. And I went to work the next day as though nothing bad had happened. I still have no emotions about it.

I used to think that attack was just so minor compared to previous stuff that it just didn't bother me, but now I there is no doubt in my mind it was dissociation on some level, what happened and how I react to since.

 

[Britt.f7]

I found the answer with a link someone else posted. I needed to make sure it was also like you and I described, because I wasn't.

The Touch

"In severe forms of dissociation, disconnection occurs in the usually integrated functions of consciousness, memory, identity, or perception. For example, someone may think about an event that was tremendously upsetting yet have no feelings about it. Clinically, this is termed emotional numbing, one of the hallmarks of post-traumatic stress disorder."

I know that, most of the time that I talk about something traumatic in my life, when people say things like oh that's tragic or you've been through some horrible things, I just think what are they talking about. I feel no emotion.

Speaking of husbands, sometimes when my husband is talking to me, I'll reply. Than a few seconds later I turn to him and say, "Wait, what were we talking about? or What did you just say?" He then starts all over again and I give him my undivided attention. ;)

 

[Shellbell]

Thanks for that Britt. I was pretty sure it is dissociation.

And I'm glad I'm not alone in having convo's - particularly with hubby and then thinking a bit later, 'what were we just talking about' :) :rolleyes: