Dissociation 101

[safenow]

As a multi my experience is quite different than you all. It is like I blink and it is months, weeks, or even years later. Now, at least I can tell I've switched and never leave my body like I used to. It's like that alternate personality is up front and close to me. It's as if my mind is one, my hands is another, my legs are another. sigh. What I mean by that is, my little can't type or read, but I can type and read within myself so she knows what's being said. I can type what she wants to share. But when another is doing the typing, and she wants to express something, they don't always know how to spell or type so I have to kick in and check it be sure it makes sense.


I gave been on the ceiling looking down at my body as it moves around or has things done to it. I have been sitting in a chair talking to someone, only to space out and not have any clue what was said. For me, it's all over the place. I guess that is the difference between PTSD dissociation and Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) or Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Gosh, I hope this makes sense.

 

[watundah]

Sounds spot on w how it feels for me, Lionheart.

 

[littlelostchild]

Lionheart, I believe it's both. I have just had an 'ah ha' moment! I now get what my therapist has been trying to get me to understand. I thought disocciation was just when I totally left my body. I did this in a session when my H was in a session and we were talking about me being afraid that he might leave me if I turned out to be a different person because of therapy. I couldn't cope and went elsewhere while carving my pen through a piece of paper I had on a book in my lap.

But I regularly have the more subtle form of disocciation when I am in my therapists office and we are trying to discuss something difficult. He asks me where I am, so now I understand the question. I am totally disocciating - I just thought I was brooding or being uncooperative. This past week, I could actually feel myself 'come back' at the end of the session and when he asked me how I felt, I said 'more here, if that makes sense' and he said that it did. I understand now. I thought I had to be 'out of body' to be disocciating! Not so - ah ha! Now I understand why he keeps reminding me to ground myself. I kept telling him that I know I am in his office. LOL - Talk about cross purposes.

BloomIn Winter - You rock!!!

 

[Abstract]

I thought disocciation was just when I totally left my body.

About 5 or so years back I found out there was such a thing as Depersonalisation and thought it meant leaving ones body. I was astonished. But then it took me years more to start to realise that it was a type of dissociation and that so many other things I experienced were too.

It's weird when we have those eureka moments isn't it littlelostchild?!

Gosh, I hope this makes sense

Safenow you do make sense!

Personality dissociation must be very tricky to deal with and I am glad you are more co conscious and that that helps. And then like is usual with personality dissociation you have all the depersonalisation and other types of dissociation too. Good for you for developing skills to help manage it. :happy: Even though I am sure it is still very hard and challenging.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I still dissociate in my therapist's office, but she now can identify it and help me practice the skills needed to bring myself back.

I used to think dissociated therapy time was wasted, but it wasn't. My team was learning where my boundaries were, what it looked like when I got pushed over the line, and helped me build trust in them and me.

I retreat now when I need to get through things out in the real world sometimes. I automatically retreat still when triggered. But each time, I learn something about my past and myself.

Practice makes perfect, that's for sure.

 

[Donna-1]

Crazytrain, I think I dissociated from the fact that I had been dissociating for years! I remember therapists telling me that is what I was doing, but it didn't "stick." Now, I am becoming aware of what dissociation is and how it is manifested in my everyday life. I'm surprised to note just how often I do it and am wondering what all these holes in my awareness have done to my ability to solidify relationships.

 

[Abstract]

I dissociated from the fact that I had been dissociating

This is a term I have used so much from the time when the scales started falling from my eyes! Thank you for sharing. I am constantly astonished by how many things I just experienced and blocked out. Not or one moment, once, "thinking" about what happened after and how it may not have been "normal" or usual. I never even "thought" to discuss it. It's hard to put into words.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I have discovered that whenever my affect is not in sync with what I am speaking about or dealing with, there's some dissociation defenses up.

They come down as we are able to manage safely experience the emotions associated with the topic.

 

[Meadowsweet]

This is a very informative thread.

At the moment dissociation feels like a barrier to therapy that I just can't get over.

 

[Abstract]

dissociation feels like a barrier to therapy

Me too Meadowsweet. I am just trying to pick it apart step by step...

 

[jjh29]

I've been gaining a lot more from my therapy sessions since they let me start recording them. I still dissociate, but the info isn't lost to me.

I'm curious to know if you don't mind telling me how do you look or sound on these recordings.

 

[BloomInWinter]

When I'm very emotional, it turns out I get super-quiet and can barely be heard. When I'm deeply dissociated, my voice is very monotone and I speak very slowly.

I only use a voice recorder so I can't see what I look like.

It is so helpful to be able to go back and get to hear what my therapist actually says, as I still shut her off after a few sentences sometimes.

I'm able to go back and really listen to her responses. Before, they were just lost to me. I make a lot more progress tackling issues now that I can get the full benefit of the interaction with my therapist.