Dissociation Confusion

[jadebear]

LOL WW. I wasn't pissed or anything, I was just being sarcastic(something I'm very good at)

No harm done.....

 

[WonderingWhy]

Did you see the original post? If not look at it again.:p

 

[jadebear]

Yes I saw it. Haha...you 'fixed' it.

 

[WonderingWhy]

My brain couldn't come up with a kinder, gentler word to express what I meant. So! Unlike one member on this site who I won't mention HIS name,I will only say it begins with the letter "A". I chose to take out a harsh sounding word.

Do you think "His" wife will know who I'm referring too?;) Umm yea, I bet she will. Of course no one else will figure it out. After all I never mentioned his name! lol:D

 

[jadebear]

I have never sexually abused or sexually assaulted anyone

That's a lie. I have, when I was about 7 or 8. I saw this little girl out playing, she was about 4 years old. I took her to an abandoned building and sexually abused her. I even punched her and hurt her. I think I even choked her.

Why did I do that? Was I just doing to her what had been done to me?

BTW...please don't judge me for this. I was a young kid.

 

[cherryblossom]

Why did I do that? Was I just doing to her what had been done to me?

Like you said, you were just a young kid. If you had been abused, then you were probably just copying what had been done to you. Children learn from their family, and their experiences. Kids of 7-8 only know what's right and wrong, by what their parents teach them, or by what their parents expose them to. It is only later in life, that we get influences from the outside world, and really learn what is morally and legally, right or wrong.

You don't have to answer this, but do you remember any feelings associated with assaulting her? Sorry to ask... but it might help you to work out why you did it...

 

[jadebear]

I guess I felt powerful. I also felt real angry when I punched her and hurt her. I did feel bad afterwards though.

This is a tough one to talk about....

She was scared and for some reason, I liked seeing her scared. I liked telling her what to do and forcing her. When I was punching her, I felt so much rage. I wanted her to hurt.

Seriously contemplating whether to delete this post or not.....

 

[anthony]

That's a lie. I have, when I was about 7 or 8. I saw this little girl out playing, she was about 4 years old.

You also have to determine what is sexual assault / abuse, and what is childhood curiosity. Between children is one thing... fine line, but when a adult / teen is abusing say a 5 year old... they know somewhat better.

You must factor age into the equation of sexual abuse / assault, as its a significant impact.

 

[jadebear]

How could punching , hurting and choking her have been just 'childhood curiosity'?

 

[anthony]

I have been sexually curious at a young age, ie. we would play mummies and daddies, touch one another and do stuff, but all involved where the same age and had no real idea about what we where doing... it is psychologically normal behaviour to do such things in childhood with kids your own age / around same age vs. when you have a clear decade or more of age on them... but even then, does a 12 yr old really understand sexual abuse / assault if they played with their baby brother or sisters private parts out of curiosity?

Yes, it would be frowned upon, but then one must take into account the childs level of maturity and any other aspects.

This is not condoning it, but differentiating what is and what is not normal curiosity for sexual behaviour defined psychologically vs. outright intentional sexual abuse / assault.

 

[anthony]

That bit wasn't... though if you had endured sexual abuse by age 7... then hello, was it actually a method of release due to the abuse vs. an intentional act of violence?

Again, not excuses, but you must look at the realistic facts surrounding situations, not just look at the event itself. The event says one thing, the situation says something completely different. Both must be used in combination, not just one or the other.

 

[Denna]

Jadebear, you probably know how your actions may have affected this girl, but facing up to your own actions and their concequence on someone else is an incredibly brave thing to do, I am in total admiration. My abuser is in total denial and that hurts more than anything.

Processing your own actions is a big step, but still you were a child living an abnormal life, so those actions were not accountable to an 8 year old you but to those who had shown a child that this was normal and given that child nothing but hate for the world and the people in it.

Perhaps feel bad for the pain your actions caused someone else and for the girl, but those actions were not 'you'... if you can get what I mean.