Disturbed By Body's Response To Nightmares

[creatrix]

Hi there, I'm creatrix. I've lurked for a few years and am only compelled to post at this time because I can't seem to find information on a particular issue I am having.

I survived violent and organized childhood sexual abuse by my neighbor. I suffer occasional nightmares and I am unable to remember most of them. But I wake up feeling scared and sick.

I am very embarrassed by this next part.

My significant other of 6 months recently accused me of stimulating myself in bed, vocalizing, and "hiding it." I would never do that! He said he once had to sleep on the couch because it was so bothersome. I dismissed the claims and jokingly encouraged him to made an audio recording next time. Surely he was exaggerating my usual thrashing and distressed murmurs, right?

Nope. He did record it and was not exaggerating. I am disgusted with myself. To be clear, I was having nightmares that night.

There is no readily available information on the internet about links between post traumatic nightmares and sexsomniac behaviors--other than stories about sexsomniacs traumatizing/assaulting their poor bedpartners, of course.

I did experience arousal during my abuse and feel immense shame over it. This is compounded by the fact that I now feel like a predator myself. Very painful and overwhelming.

Has anyone had similar experiences? If so, how have you coped and made sense of it?

Thank you for reading.

 

[Deadman]

Sexsomniac behaviours are more common in people having other sleep related difficulties. Many people with PTSD have sleep related problems. That seems like a big enough link to me. Have you been checked for sleep apnea or other sleep disorders?

As for how to cope and make sense of it? Beats me. PTSD sure makes everything else more complicated.

 

[joeylittle]

@creatrix - have you done any specific trauma processing/trauma therapy, like EMDR?

I agree with @Deadman - what you describe makes sense, as a behavior related to PTSD, even if it's not necessarily a common thing that gets written about.

I've noticed that the highly active 'dreams'/nightmares I have do diminish as I work my way through aspects of the trauma (in therapy). I still have strange night behavior (for me it's sleepwalking), but not nearly as much as I used to.

 

[Deleted member 42121]

I have very severe nightmares since childhood, talking, yelling, thrashing... I thought it was normal as my family I grew up in came to accept this about me... I can literally wake up an entire household... until my well meaning partner told me this screaming at night is NOT normal and that it sounded really "bad" and I think he said I "need help"... and it started me on this long journey to get to cptsd through the backwards way of being forced to deal with the nightmares that were ruining his night every night. From the tone of your post it sounds like this bedpartner is doing what mine did for me... giving you honest information that you can use to help yourself.

Aside from the talking, yelling and screaming... One night I ripped my boyfriends phone out of his side of the bed by leaning across him and started reading his emails... Ive honestly NEVER checked his email.... I think he even had his earbuds in his ears as he was sleeping so it was in no way "covert" about going through his phone... Even I was confused and I laughed when he accused me of looking at his phone but, I only remembered doing it like a vague dream from a long time ago and it took us awhile to figure it out... I was acting out in my sleep. It sounds like you are acting out in your sleep. I'm saying this because I started taking Prozasin and it is really the only thing that has helped BOTH of us sleep in the same bed at all.

Also, when I do take it, and I cant always because of some side effects, I get from it, I wake up feeling more refreshed and normal like a real person might feel (okay, I felt this way once but, ONE night of sleep feels amazing if you've never slept in your entire life) and not feeling like a zombie that has been terrorized with nightmares all night. I also feel scared and sick as you describe when waking up... sometimes its hard to know what is real and what is a dream for minutes... hours... a day.

Don't take this the wrong way but, is it really that bad if you touched yourself in the same bed as your partner if you are an adult and they are an adult freely there in your bed? Probably embarassing but not "bad" and certainly not predatory. I'd doubt they'd feel they were violated especially considering the circumstances of your PTSD (if they know) and probably dont view you as having violated them at all... nor do I think anyone reading your post would feel that way. Also, if you and your partner are over the age of teenagers your partner probably already knows this is an involuntary problem and as mine did, immediately recognized I needed help... I got it, um, 16 years later? Im a little slow!

I'm sure its maybe odd or inconvenient for the bedpartner (as mine has gotten a bad share of screams and thrashings... probably a near beating or two) but, I wouldn't think a consenting adult that chooses to be in your bed would feel like you are a predator at all. Be kind to yourself... you did nothing wrong!