Relationship Divorce Really

[Court]

I have had a morning from H*ll I received a phone call from my husband (suffer) that he is serious this time an can't do this anymore and wants a divorce when he gets back from deployment 3 months from now and wants joint custody of our children.

The last 2 weeks have been a mess I have been a mess. He says he loves me and cares about me but he doesn't want to be married. He said he will only contact me to speak to kids. Which is fine I will not keep them from him.

I need advice he is deployed to I go home to my family or wait til he returns home and hash stuff out. He is mean and has gone on and prior to today about needing sex when he gets back. He has gone outside our marriage 3 times prior to PTSD ever being an issue. I'm spent I have tried and I do love him but he is slowly destroying my emotional well being.

Has anyone had to file papers while a spouse was deployed? I just needed to vent and any helpful advice would be great. I keep replaying him telling me I need someone who loves me like I love him and he has never loved me like I have loved him.

Heartbroken,
Court

 

[franciemarnie]

I have no helpful advice, just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you are going thru. I have had a broken heart though and it's the worst. Please be good to yourself. Hug offered if okay.

 

[Court]

Franciemarnie hug accepted. I have no friends or family here so it's hard. Just my 3 kids and my 14 year old baby sister.

Heartbroken and devastated 16 years of my life I was 15 when I started seeing my husband. Everyone keeps saying I'm over reading his words and reaction and I need to not assume anything until he returns but his words were so clear and cut like knives. Nobody should ever have to feel this pain!
Court

 

[Abstract]

Is he really safe to have the children alone? That may be something else to consider. It might be worthwhile to start compiling a list of his problematic behaviour regardless as you are likely to need it. Sorry it has ended this way. It really does sound like you will be better off even though I am sure that isn't much of a comfort. He has even been repeatedly unfaithful before the PTSD. Hopefully others can give you some practical advice. Good luck.

 

[sisu]

First off, I am so sorry you have to go through this. It’s just not fair! And you can't even be face to face right now, which to me makes it worse.

If I recall correctly, he was diagnosed with mild PTSD prior to this deployment, but he isn't really in therapy or on meds. If this is the case, he is a loose cannon. Deployed and seeing terrible things, doing things that may go against his personal morals and he is un-managed. That is a recipe for disaster.

My advice is to do what Abstract said - keep a journal on a spiral bound notebook that compiles the list or tells the details of his behavior. You may not need this, but it certainly cannot hurt. His reasons for asking for a divorce are the same reasons I see written over and over again. I love you and I care about you but I don't want to be married to you. To me that doesn't even make sense - why would you want to divorce the one person you love and care about - the mother of your children? I think he is unstable and very confused. I would stay there until he returns and try to get him to the VA for help - inpatient if necessary to get him stabilized. Then if you find it still won’t work and he is still pushing for a divorce, then you can make the decision. (That is IF you want to stay married and try to make it work)

Hugs!
Sisu

 

[Court]

Sisu thanks for the kind words. Yes they diagnosed him a week before leaving and with his job front line he has to be the for his team blah blah blah. Army first I suppose they also use their own drs with his job so lots of things are hush hush if the soldier says he can do his duties.

The last few days have been a living hell. He is now blaming me for not making him happy throughout our marriage and that is why hers all those things. He says he wants a list of all of my demands for the divorce. I am staying here til after he comes home as I am still paying the bills and just going day to day.

He stated he hopes once he sees us he snaps back into reality and changes what he wants. I want him to get help. He says meaner things each time we talk and for now I have asked for some space to get off this roller coaster but told him he is free to call and talk to our children. I'm breaking slowly and terriefied I'm pushing a nervous breakdown.
Court

 

[dms]

I'm breaking slowly and terriefied I'm pushing a nervous breakdown.
Court

I'm so sorry about all your pain Court. PLEASE get some counseling for yourself. Be Blessed.

 

[Court]

Thank you for the kind words dms I am currently seeing the Chaplain and visit with my doc in a week to see what he recommends.

I don't wish this nightmare on anybody especially since I still have about 3 months til he will be home from deployment.
Court