Do Any Of You Have Black And White Thinking?

[Al_Lurker]

@Al_Lurker... if someone in a joke called me something offensive (i hope you understand what I mean,, something you never say to a female), then I have no tolerance for that. I respect myself. Or if they have made fun of my emotions then again no tolerance...

I do have to agree there, 'jokes' that contain anything that they know will offend you aren't really jokes, they are attacks. One can bleed to death from a thousand small cuts as easily was one large wound. Making fun of emotions should also not be tolerated but I'm constantly surprised by the number of people that have no concern for anyone's feelings but their own and simply have no idea that they are that way. The fact that you do try to 'stand back' and think it through is a good thing, it's that sort of thing that stops us from hurting ourselves by removing someone from our lives that genuinely cares for us but may not know us as well as we think they do. Removing too many from our lives by standing on stubbornness and pride can leave us very alone (trust me on this)... having patience and educating them makes them all the more valuable to us as time passes. A friend who suffers from PTSD once told me that you should judge yourself by the quality of your friends. I think it my responsibility to be a friend to them first but also to help them to be better friends to me, and to others. Forgiveness is sometimes necessary but I've seldom regretted doing so.

 

[Saint Nik]

I wish I was a black and white thinker, but I suffer badly from Cognitive Dissonance. Here is a few examples:

• "The person who continues to smoke, knowing that it is bad for his health, may also feel (a) he enjoys smoking so much it is worth it; (b) the chances of his health suffering are not as serious as some would make out; (c) he can't always avoid every possible dangerous contingency and still live; and (d) perhaps even if he stopped smoking he would put on weight which is equally bad for his health. So, continuing to smoke is, after all, consistent with his ideas about smoking."
  (Festinger, 1957)
• "Imagine that you prepared at great length for a dinner party at your home. You constructed the guest list, sent out the invitations, and prepared the menu. Nothing was too much effort for your party: you went to the store, prepared the ingredients, and cooked for hours, all in anticipation of how pleasant the conversation and people would be. Except it wasn't. The guests arrived late, the conversations were forced, and the food was slightly overcooked by the time all of your guests arrived. The anticipation and excitement of the great time you were going to have are discordant with your observation of the evening. The pieces do not fit. You're upset, partly because the evening did not go well, but also because of the inconsistency between your expectation and your experience. You are suffering from the uncomfortable, unpleasant state of cognitive dissonance."

 

[Tinyflame]

@Saint Nik , what if in your 1st example there are other reasons you do not know, such as the fact smoking increases dopamine levels? Many conditions relate back to low dopamine. Or, etc etc.

In the 2nd, well expectation breeds disappointment. (But I understand :hug: ).

I have cognitive dissonance but I often think in bl-&-white. I choose (often) in terms of bl-'or-white.

 

[Saint Nik]

such as the fact smoking increases dopamine levels?

I don't know, all I know is that I can try and think black and white about something, but it always ends up with but what about thinking like B and C. . .right up until though Z and everything contradicts everything else and I am left either insane or spent! :hilarious:

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes well I understand. :hug: But for example Festinger above got all 4 wrong with me. Perhaps if Festinger walked in my shoes & me in his we'd understand better lol. I've got a feeling Festinger never smoked ;) .

I guess when in doubt, ask the person themself.

There are always multiple contingencies, factors such as someone not being honest, not being trustworthy also etc. Even if you asked it wouldn't help. I don't know. It's a gamble.

I find it best not to judge if possible. Because Idk & I could be all wrong. However, one must 'judge' in so far as opting for/ opting out, for themselves. We have to draw conclusions & carry on from there.

 

[Saint Nik]

We have to draw conclusions & carry on from there.

Yep, that's all we can do and like you said it is a

gamble.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am guilty of black and white thinking and although it probably was a great survivor skill, it sure haunts me now as I try to unlearn it.