Childhood Do Children Automatically Know What A Good Or Bad Touch Is?

[Lucycat]

The problem is that it would be impossible to do evidenced based research on this without the risk of harm to children. If only one could ask children what they think and believe, both good and bad without putting thoughts and ideas into their heads and potentially damaging them. And then there would be risk in identify children to participate without actually knowing who was already a victim.

 

[WildMermaid]

It's hard for me to answer because my memories are fragmented. I knew it was wrong because it hurt and it didn't matter what I thought, expressed, or did. The helpless feeling is pretty damn horrible and that casts a shadow that all that was involved with it is bad.

I have a feeling you know from other messages besides being told. For example, to always keep covered. The door being closed in the bathroom, etc. Kids that are really young have no idea that nakedness is something that is "wrong" in culture until later in age, after they've been told to cover up. The part that is shameful is when trust is broken, the authority abuses their position to overtake (or to take) a younger/smaller/weaker person. And many times, that trust is tangled up in other relationships that the child wants to keep. It's complicated.

*nods* every little bit of this. Also some of us are groomed so throughly we honestly just felt we were the bad, evil, wicked ones, not the sick bastards perpetuating the crimes.

 

[WildMermaid]

One last thing to add...years after my initial violation I was in the hands of a Pediatrician who figured out what had been done to me. He then told my Gramma that I had to be examined privately and though I cried when she left the room she did as she was told. He hurt me with his fingers and knew he would get away with it because I was just too broken to speak out. So from first abuse onward I knew something was wrong, but I truly believed it was because of me.

 

[Teasel]

Am guessing it might depend on age I don't know. The moment my grandfather touched me innapropriately, I instantly knew something was wrong. I was 9

 

[void]

What a great thread!

I have pondered this issue for decades, and after reading this I am no closer to knowing.
The discussion of this complexity has great value.

 

[RussH]

I think when a child reaches the age of modesty, they also realize their private parts should not be touched by someone else.

 

[Deleted member 29961]

I think it has a lot to do with the context, the who, what, why, when, where kind of things and all their complex combinations. I don't think there is a simple answer. In my case, the abuse started when I was about 2 and continued until I was about four. It always started out with a round of torture which sometimes continued into and through out the sexual shit. Since pain inflicted by a caregiver was usually a form of punishment, for the longest time, in my head, sex was a form of punishment.

 

[mountaindew]

So after replying to a post regarding sexual abuse i got the idea for this thread. I've never been...

All children are different. The varying factors range from environment to motor skills, age, gender, background and more. I know that quieter children, regardless of knowing what is an appropriate or inappropriate touch are more likely never to say a thing. I know children with special needs are often targeted because they don't always know how to communicate what has happened to them. There are sick people out there who will really look into which kid is the safest to abuse because they are the least likely to tell anyone or know if the touch is appropriate.

One thing I do know is even though I myself knew something was a bad touch, it didn't register because it was someone I trusted so much so it was unfathomable that he could ever do something intentionally to hurt me. It's a tricky situation. We have to have our children open up to us more and know that we are there for them so that no matter what happens, they feel comfortable telling us whatever is on their minds.

 

[mountaindew]

I think it has a lot to do with the context, the who, what, why, when, where kind of things and a...

That is awful. So sorry to hear that.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Not really young children, as they aren't truly aware of what human sexuality is. Most children go through the "show me yours and I will show you mine" and "let's play doctor" phases. It is normal human curiosity. It is when the actions become predatory, either by an adult or other children, that causes problems to arise.