Do Flashbacks Effect Your Ability To Speak, Write & Read?

[NatBird]

I've known that I have CPTSD for years, yet I have only just started to notice that when in flashback I am unable to read, either through absolutely no concentration or the writing just swims on the page. I will lose my ability to spell, I mistake there, their etc, and struggle to punctuate. I also lose my ability to articulate myself succintly and clearly.
In the grand scheme it is not the worse of symptoms but the work I do involves using these skills. It effects my performance and esteem. I end up feeling very imcompetent, leading into imposter thinking which has further negative effect on esteem and performance. It's also caused me, for the first time in my life, to be very open that I experience CPTSS. I guess this is good to some degree but the visibility is a stressor. That's another issue!
Does anyone else experience this during flashback? Does it effect your work/esteem/life? How do you manage?

 

[Friday]

My flashbacks are predominantly multisensory, very much like having a nightmare while awake. With very few exceptions* I am completely unable to interact with the outside world at all. I am seeeriously zoned out. Lights on and nobody home. Which, I've come to understand is fairly uncommon. I do the pretty classic movie-style flashbacks where one moment I'm here, the next moment I am <whistle> gone. Sometimes they overlap with reality, and I'm aware of both then and now, but... Shrug. More often? Nightmares while awake.

Single sense flashbacks that aren't visual, smelling something, tasting something, etc.? Don't effect me much, except as a warning my dreams are gonna suck. And my temper is likely to be touchy as hell. Kinda like getting that adrenaline taste in the back of your throat, I've learned to use those as a coping mechanism smack down. Time to go for a run, get f*cked or f*cked up, something to start bleeding/dumping stress on the qui vive.

Where I stop being able to read/write/think/process... Or am getting lost in my mind / past and present blurring together... Is something else. Disassociation, maybe. But I don't really know for sure.

* My flashbacks where I'm in motion are rare. Had one / several the 4th of July this year. Last one before that was years earlier. I'm dangerous like that. One of my very first orders of business when this shit first came on was to essentially learn how to disconnect the CPU. If I'm gonna be having a nightmare while awake, my body needs to not be under control of my mind. Kinda like sleep paralysis. Apparently my eyes just kind of glaze over and I'm staring off at infinity. Most of the time, these days, it happens automatically. Sometimes I have to force it. Lock every single muscle, and just freeze. Drop. Curl up in a ball. Bite my knuckles till they bleed. Something. Manual override, or massive grounding, now.

 

[LifeInterrupted]

For me, I am partially aware of my surroundings but my mind is actively in a constant cycle of flashback/dissociation mode. The more vivid the memory, the longer the dissociation until my brain feels satisfied that the "off" button has been used long enough. And then another flashback will start, and thus the cycle continues. In a counseling session I feel like I cannot function AT ALL. I am lost in the cycle and can't pull myself out until my brain has had enough. I can hear my therapist talking, but I can't process her words & flashbacks too. It usually leaves me feeling detached from everyone and everything for quite awhile afterwards.

 

[Mafia_Science]

I am still able to read, write, talk do almost anything while experiencing a flashback. For me, it's like a movie playing in my head, but I'm still aware of reality. I have that awful feeling in my stomach and start sweating, but it doesn't really affect my ability to do things. I try to block it out and tell myself to suck it up, and that seems to help.

 

[Gamera3000]

I hate it when people ask me to tell them what's going on when I'm having a flashback. When my husband asks I lie. When my therapist asks I usually only tell her a small piece of it. How can anyone expect you to describe all of that?

 

[NatBird]

Thanks for the responses. I'm sensing from people's answers that it might be dissociation causing this to happen. Especially as the spelling, grammar etc is stuff that you would expect from a primary school kid. I guess it's another thing I can mention to the new person I'm working with.