Do I Have Others?

[zoie33]

This is new to me and my therapist just realized on my last visit that I dissociated on him through EMDR Actually I'm more comfortable with that I know that I have done so multiple times in the past. What has me really scared about the last session was that i actually wasn't myself that entire day. My inner voices which are usually only mean to me kept telling me to be mean to the therapist. I know why they did it because I was struggling with whether or not to tell him some things that I should tell him. Nothing I wanted to tell him but things I feel he may be me should know to continue to help me and that but I was too embarrassed and didn't want to talk about at the time. I know being mean was kind of an avoidance way of not having to bring up what I was questioning whether or not to say. It really scared me though because it was almost like there was something inside me that I couldn't control what might have come out that would have been mean to him in the session. I knew the things that it might have said and I apologized in advance at the beginning of the session if I said anything mean that I was just angry with myself and it wasn't directed towards him. Anyway I know I always dissociate whenever I speak of death like that I'm not afraid of dying or I want to be dead and I remember another time when I believe I was already dissociated at that time in the session and not able to look him in the eyes and he said something regarding almost being killed in the accident and it's like my head snapped around and I looked him straight in the eyes and said I am not afraid to die. It was almost like it was in a different voice I remember thinking to myself wow where did that come from. I know that has happened a couple times in sessions when he brings up similar things I guess I'm just trying to figure out are these all me are they others? I am very confused because it definitely is not me to want to be mean to somebody and I definitely did not want to do that. I wasn't actually mean to him in the session probably because we started EMDR soon enough which I ended up dissociating on and we had to quit early but I do know that I said things that I wouldn't normally have said even though they were rather mild. Any suggestions?

 

[ibgrace]

Well it seems to me that the others want to be heard or they wouldn't even speak to you...And you said you wanted to tell the therapist..So I believe you should just get it out, yours and their thoughts,,,You are going there for him to help you..He can;t truly do that if your not open...So speak up , I'm sure he has heard it before so don't fret so much about...Hugs and best wishes to you

 

[7Cs]

We all have "parts" of ourselves. Some of us have "parts" of ourselves that kind of take over a little or a lot. We feel their emotions, speak their words and sometimes act out their actions. Some people remember this happening and others don't remember it. They are still us. Other, parts, fragments, facets, ways of being, etc. If you don't feel like you're in control of them or you think your therapist should know, let him know. If you think an "other" will step up to keep you quiet then right a note to your T and let him know that way. Sounds like your T is aware that "something is going on" so this will really help him help you.


"write" not right.

Yes, I'm grammar/ spelling policing my own post.

:banghead:

:roflmao:

 

[zoie33]

LOL I am so out of it right now I didn't even notice or care. I understand where you are coming from though, I would do the same thing. Thanks for the advice it was very helpful I'm looking forward to my session on Friday but I'm also scared of his response. Don't ask me why it just am. I am just hoping to have a quick convo and move on the EMDR so I can get this over with.

 

[7Cs]

LOL I am so out of it right now I didn't even notice or care. I understand where you are coming from tho...

My T has acknowledged that I have parts in subtle ways but has never looked me in the eye and said "you have parts". And I'm talking about the parts that are "not me", like your "others". I too would like to go all in and ask her what she thinks about it all but it is scary. I have an appt. tomorrow so maybe I'll be brave and just get it over with. I guess the scary thing for me would be to have that verbal confirmation from her. And then going from there and asking "what does this mean" which is really just rhetorical but begs to be asked. And then accepting the idea (though we already know it but don't want to) that we were hurt so badly whaen we were little that this is what we had to do to survive/ cope. Maybe it is accepting that someone else can see that and it's scary to be so vulnerable.

Sorry about the ramble. I wish you luck with your appointment!