Do I Have To Take Meds?

[jenn2505]

Hi...I'm new here. I don't know if you read my Intro post but it's there if you'd like to know my story.

I was treated for PTSD last year after the accident for a few months. I was really starting to feel better and things were improving in my life in general. So I stopped going to therapy.

Well now I'm just days from the anniversary of my accident and I'm a MESS!!! I did start therapy again as soon as I started feeling myself sliding down.

It all started a few weeks ago with the constant thoughts about the accident, the flashbacks, the dreams and visions of the crash....over and over and over again. The anxiety I felt in the car after the accident was slowly creeping back up on me. I just feel like my mind races with thoughts of the accident when I'm awake or asleep....24/7. I'm finding it so hard to concentrate on anything and I'm so irritable and angry all the time.

So I'm assuming all those are the PTSD symptoms, right??

Well then came on the depression. I've never battled with depression before in my life. I just want to cry all the time. I have no motivation to do anything. Thank God I have the kids to care for because if I didn't I'd never leave my room. I just feel SAD all the time. I feel sad about everything. Thinking about how sad I was last year after the accident...makes me feel sad. Remembering the terror I felt and the fear of death....makes me feel sad. Everything just makes me sad.

I'm just so confused by all of this. I've never felt this way before in my whole life. I used to be such a happy go lucky, silly, light hearted person. Now I'm just miserable.

Am I depressed because I suffer from PTSD??

Also, aside from CBT (which I am receiving) how else can all these symptoms be treated? I saw my regular DR last week because I just can't stand feeling like this. I feel like I'm falling apart.

So I see my Dr and through the tears I tried to tell him what was going on with me. He showed a lot of compassion and validated all my feelings and blah blah blah. It was fine. But he put me on Klonopin. I was a little taken back by that because I'm not a pill taker AT ALL. After talking it over with my husband I decided to take it to try it. If it helped GREAT if not that's fine too.

I've been taking the Klonopin for almost a week now and I don't really see that it's helping much. But even that I don't mind too much because I'd rather not have to rely on a pill to get me through a day.

This morning my Dr called me to see how I was doing and see how the pills were working. I told him I didn't really see a difference and that things hadn't gotten any better for me. I'm still feeling sad and my mind is still just racing and I'm withdrawn. His answer to my answer was another anti depressant. He already put me on Wellbutrin last year after the accident. So I'm still taking that, and the Klonopin and now he wants to add Lexipro.

I don't like taking pills and I hate the thought of having to rely on pills "to get by". Yes, I do want to feel better (like more than you know!!) but I don't want to take all these pills.

Plus, I don't understand how Lexipro is going to make my mind stop racing and keep me from thinking about the accident all the time.

Does everyone take meds for PTSD?? Depression??

I just can't believe this is my life. I really don't even recognize myself anymore.

Are all these pills necessary??

I pray everyday when I first wake up that today is the day that I just feel better, back to my old self. It's not happening. Day after day after day I just keep feeling like this.

I'm sorry that this post is all over the place and a bunch of ramblings.... I just have so many questions.

My therapist happens to be on a two week vacation right now. I have corresponded with him via email twice but I really wish he was here so I could see him. I am so scared that this is my new life and the new me. It sucks!!!

Thanks for reading....you're an angel if you made it to the end!!

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

If you don't want to take the pills I believe you have the right to refuse them. Maybe you can talk to your doctor about just doing talk therapy or cbt Maybe you can get better without taking the pills.

Ask him if you can go off of the medication and increase the sessions of CBT and see if you feel better.

I understand how you feel, I hate taking all of those medications I take. Not to mention one pill causes an unwanted side effect, and the cost is outrageous.

Good luck and hope you feel better
Tammy

 

[tude]

This past spring it was recommended I consider taking meds. Reluctantly, I did. I didn't totally agree with the shrink's assessment- recurring episode of bipolar mood disorder. At this point I was desperatley trying to hang on to my ass. A chemical imbalance beyond my control was comforting because I thought I was creating my own misery.

I tried it for a month with no relief. Atypical, the doc called it. For me, that's code for- it doesn't fit neatly in the diagnosis, i.e. I don't have a clue. I have since then only been taking something to help me sleep. Averaging three hours of sleep greatly effects my ability to cope. It has been hard work for me to keep trudging along and taking positive action instead of negative coping behaviors. Some days are better than others. Sometimes when I don't know what to do, it is enough for me to know what not to do. It has gotten better. Not nearly as fast as I'd like, but I am having more good days than bad days. The bad days aren't as bad either.

Ultimately, the choice regarding meds is yours. What works for one may not work for another. You just have to discover what works for you.

good luck with your decision and do whatever it takes to take care of you

 

[Deleted member 541]

Meds can work well if you are able to find the right one. Sometimes it just takes a few different ones before that happens.

Ultimately the decision is yours if you want to be on meds or not.

 

[Lisa]

You don't HAVE to take meds, no. Some here do, some here don't. I didn't until recently... like you, I'm not comfortable with the thought of meds. I would rather work through things and know where I'm at, rather than being 'masked' by the drugs. However, it did get to a point where I felt that something to take the edge off some of my symptoms would help me to get better and take on getting through things better, with less anxiety. It was stopping me from functioning completely. I went through a lot of side effects, and am still undecided as to whether I want to continue with this anti depressant used also for treating anxiety that I am on (Citalopram). But it was a decision I ended up making myself, despite years of refusal, because I felt that at the time it was necessary to try to try anything that might help.

I guess I don't actually have an answer for you... it is a personal choice, and I based mine on how bad my symptoms were, and whether I thought I needed something to help me with those in order to help me to continue with my therapy and trying to work through things.

To answer some of your questions, YES you can be depressed because of PTSD. The symptoms can grind down our strength and motivation, and make things look bleak and hopeless. There is also a depressive reality with PTSD... it is shit. So it's going to make you feel like shit, depressed...etc. But it does sound like you are particularly struggling with the depression side of things. Perhaps if you're not comfortable with taking so many meds, why not try talking to your doc about switching the anti depressant for another, rather than just adding to the list?

In the meantime, work on increasing your sense of control... read around here and see what you can do to help yourself to feel better with the depression and also to process the PTSD through. It sounds like your struggling with the concept that the PTSD has "come back"... unfortunately anniversaries do tend to set people back, and times of stress are just as bad for this too. But if you gained enough management to get to a point where you felt significantly better once... you can do it again....

Good luck.