Sexual Assault Do I Report?

[Kintsugi]

I think you should do whatever you feel you need or want to do as a victim.

I am curious to know what it is you would hope to be the best possible outcome if you did report him and what it would give your life.

I struggled for years over whether or not to send my brother to jail. I never looked into the specifics of what had to happen. I just knew I had a confession and I held it like a loaded gun, unsure of what to do with it.

In the end I decided that it was not worth it to my life to live with putting someone in jail for a few years, that being the ultimate outcome I could imagine. It is complicated, of course, by the fact that it is a family member I would be reporting, and everyone would know I was the one who put him in a temporary hell, whether the son of a bitch deserved it or not.

Worst case scenario, I testified against my brother and nothing would happen but perhaps court-ordered therapy, and the sheer invalidation could crush me.

I never wanted to report my ex boyfriend for pretty much the same reasons you are hesitating. But then, I was not sure whether he would ever re-offend again, and I wasn't worried about it back then. It never crossed my mind. If I could go back, would I report? Maybe, if I thought he would do the same thing to someone else.

It's a very tough decision and one that only you can make, as many here have said. I too support whatever decision you make. I think you're very brave to admit what happened between you and him and to put the blame where it belongs--on him.

 

[NukaGirl]

The more I think about it, the more I see a pattern with the people he's dated. Both me and his ex are strong willed, but we both have immense self esteem issues, we both suffer from depression and lack of confidence.

This new girl he's going out with... she's the same. Damaged, like me and his ex are. His ex told me she too didn't realise at the time that what he was doing to her would be considered rape, and I'm worried that this new girl won't know either. Because he's a sneaky, slimy git.

My friend tried to assure me that this girl would outright beat the bejesus out of him if he tried to rape her, but he doesn't make it obvious. It's veiled as pressuring, and guilt tripping. Not obvious.

Part of me knows I need to stop him, because I genuinely fear for this girl. That she won't know it until it's too late, until thr damage has already been done.

 

[Kintsugi]

This thread may help you as it helped me process what I had gone through, and maybe you could get a copy to this girl.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-disturbed-mind-compliant-victims-of-the-sexual-sadist.13811/

Edited. Wrong link.

In case it needs to be said, the above link is a disturbing read.

 

[NukaGirl]

That was hard to read. The parts about the social isolation... he did that to me.
Gods above...

 

[Deleted member 487]

As a child I was molested a number of times. I was a normal kid and never said a word.
As an adult I have been raped once and sexually assaulted three times. Every time I reported it I was punished.
Will I report it again? Not a chance. But I will "field dress the M*F*er" just for kicks.

And after the last SA (Nov. of last year) when I told my counselor about it, she did nothing UNTIL I threatened to...field dress the M*F*er. Then she called the police...on me.

I get sexually assaulted and I can do is get violent in self defense (and get punished) or shut up. If I report it, I'm punished.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Its sick that he's using a D/S relationship in order to rape women. What a perfect cover....find a sub and you've got your bases covered if you "go too far"

 

[NukaGirl]

A bit of an update.
My boyfriend told me that he knew this guy, that his ex had dated him, and he told me that he did the same thing to this girl, as he did to me and my exes ex. Not only that, there was someone before her. Same story. With the anal, and the sex while they're asleep, and the guilt tripping and emotional abuse... Four women is not a coincidence...

 

[Cha123]

Your story feels frighteningly familiar.. I'm in a very similar position, only I have no idea if any of his previous girlfriends have reported him or not.
If it's any consolation, I feel exactly the same as you do. If I'm only going to be turned away by the police, I'd rather keep it to myself and live through that hell instead of the hell of knowing that what happened to me obviously wasn't 'bad enough' for anyone to do anything about it - despite the fact that I feel like he's ruined my life.
The thought of being able to put these people behind bars though is incredibly satisfying - hence why it's so difficult to come to a decision.
Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision. I agree with what's been said above, prepare yourself for the worst. Good luck.

 

[Ellabella44]

sorry you have to deal with this, hes breaking rules of a d/s though. submission is with consent, no or safe word, means NO. hes taking advantage of women agreeing to submit to him and not agreeing with the rule of no means NO, stop means STOP.

With more than one of you coming forward, id think youd stand a better chance as a united group, list of repeat offences with the same method of operation. If you decide to go report, definately have it looked into on if theres even more women than the ones you know about.

 

[Lucycat]

[DLMURL]http://www.sarsas.org.uk/links/anonymous-reporting/[/DLMURL]

This is a link to one of the UK's police information about anonymous reporting of rape. You can put the rapists name forward and then they will connect the dots when the same name comes up time and again.

May be worth considering?