Do I Trust This Feeling Or Not?

[mytai]

@Echo, everything is a blur. When I play through what happened its like listening to the teachers on Charlie Brown. Words were said but I can't focus on it. I've already shut it out at this point. I can't separate the rape reporting experiences from this, because this isn't as serious, so why would the police deal with it that way?

@Ryn, I'm trying to stay safe. I will go to the ER tonight to see about the cut on my face.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - I am very glad you are going to ER tonight. I hope people there will help you in the best possible way.

I can really understand that everything is a blur. You must be very shocked. I think the difference is that now he knows where you are and that has taken away your safety on a daily basis. I do feel the police should know and should act, but I know they haven't acted in the way we thought they would. Your safety right now is hugely important. Please don't believe it is not serious. Your therapist will think it is very important and I am sure she would want you to let her know. Let her help you think. Let her help you. Please don't give him the chance to hurt you again.

But mytai, your head is spinning just now. Just keep taking baby steps to keep yourself safe today and know that we here on the forum really care that you are safe, as @Ryn says. Please don't take any risks.

I have to go to bed now, but I will check in on you in the morning (here) and hope you have found some kind people at ER.

 

[Ryn]

@mytai, I am three hours before you, so I will be up for a while and here if you need anyone to talk to, okay? <3 :hug:

You are so beautiful and so, so worth it - that pathetic excuse for a human being can't take that beauty away from you no matter how hard he tries. I hope you will call your therapist, or a crisis line, or someone - anyone - to help keep you safe. Praying for you.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Oh dearest @mytai, I am so very sorry and so angry that this has happened. I thankful that you are alright and were not injured more severely.

The others are right though, you really ought to report this to the police. They will at LEAST photo and document your injuries and statement of what happened. I really do understand the pain and frustration and how invalidating it is to have the police not take something seriously, but you are worth more than they make you feel!! You must have each assault documented. It may be possible to obtain a restraining order against him and that way if he approaches you again they can arrest him.

And you should absolutely talk to your therapist about this! I am not positive buti don't think she can report this against your will.

Please please do let us know how it goes for your at the ER. You have lots of support here and lots of people who care about you and your safety and well being!

PS.... In response to your earlier post regarding your hospital records -- the NOS of Bipolar NOS stands for Not Otherwise Specified. Not specifically Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2. They also may use this when they are not certain of the bipolar diagnosis.

Many safe :hug: for you, @mytai.

 

[Ryn]

you are worth more than they make you feel!!

Seconded.

 

[mytai]

@Ryn and @TimeToHeal I'm at the ER currently. I asked whether or not the triage nurse thought I should stay and see a doctor and she said yes I probably need a few small stitches or the skin glued on my face.

The nurses registered me anonymously so that if anyone asks at the desk if I'm here it won't show that I'm here. They also have me separated from the waiting room to keep me safe.

 

[Ryn]

Hey @mytai. Glad to hear you are there... So sorry you need stitches, but glad it isn't anything too serious. And bravo to the nurses for doing that for you - I hope it is helping you feel a little safer.

How are you doing? No need to answer if you don't want to. (((hugs)))

 

[mytai]

I'm not doing so hot. Mentally anyways, but I don't want to tell them that in case they keep me because of my attempt a month ago.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Please tell them. I'm so worried for you. They can keep you safe there. Your gut feelings told you you were in danger, what's the investment of one night in the hospital where you know you are safe? It is an investment in your health. You haven't had your echo yet, what if your heart spikes again? I'm sorry to be so negative, I just think I would be calm on the outside and a wreck inside.

 

[Ryn]

@mytai - I understand. But please know that there's no shame in returning to the hospital if you need. I don't want to be pushy, I'm just worried for you and want you to be safe. I hope you will keep thinking about calling your therapist. You are the strongest of the strong, but all of us need to let others take care of us sometimes. I sure wish I could come and help you.

 

[TimeToHeal]

@mytai, I'm glad you are at the ER and that they are keeping you safe.

Yes, please do let them know that you are hurting and afraid and not doing too great, let them help you. If you don't feel comfortable calling your therapist, I'm sure the nurses would be more than happy to call her and let her know what has happened. Who knows, she might even come to the ER to see about you -- she seems, from what you've said about her, to be a very kind and compassionate person who might do something like that. I just hate the thought of you there all alone with no support. Oh and they cannot keep you there or send you to the psych floor without your consent solely based on your prior attempt. If you're at the same hospital, chances are they already know about it anyways. The only way they could keep you against your will is if you were actively suicidal and telling them you had a plan and were going to do it as soon as you left. (Or if you were homicidal with intent, but that's irrelevant). They may suggest you re admit yourself for a few days, but they cannot force you.

Please allow someone to support you right now, @mytai. I would come there myself if that were possible!

:hug:

 

[Echo]

@mytai - I'm so glad you are safe and that the nurses are taking extra care of you. I hope they can help you rest and find a bit of calm in all this madness.