Do narcissist parents have children for supply?

[TruthSeeker]

My grandson is in NPD supplier training and/co- dependent training camp I call it-and he is only 3 years old. When I left- husband was called “Grandpa” - one month after I left- Grandpa is now “Papa.” Papa is the baby’s total center of attention- no more conflict with me not there, and since I left he brought all children to include my daughter “into his fold and made them dependent on him”. She’s in her mid thirties and been manipulated and can’t recall or doesn’t want to remember his past actions that she used to condemn him for. She used to call him a narcissist. I can do nothing to change that- he’s convinced her that I’m the crazy one- not him- I can’t fight that anymore- turned my back and walked away. So sad. I miss her but not the drama.

 

[Mach123]

Predatory abusiveness doesn't have to be sexual in nature and can produce the same or similar results in my experience? I don't think people have children to do this to them, there are plenty of people around to prey on without going through that. Abusive people can have children too. "Oh come on, nobody is doing anything to you." Meanwhile, they suck the life out of you. Good thread.

 

[Dana1010]

So someone who deliberately seeks out the company of those who are markedly beneath them -- is that narcissism or sadism? Maybe both?

 

[joeylittle]

markedly beneath them -- is that narcissism or sadism? Maybe both?

Do you mean, beneath them in terms of agency? Power? Authority?

 

[Dana1010]

I mean beneath them in some social status-y type of way. You know how a very beautiful girl will hand select her one "ugly friend," because she can't bear anyone taking the spotlight off her? That's kind of what I have in mind, but on a much more severe/deranged scale.

 

[joeylittle]

. You know how a very beautiful girl will hand select her one "ugly friend," because she can't bear anyone taking the spotlight off her?

Thanks - that’s a helpful explanation.

Even if it were more severe - personally, from the reading I’ve done, I’d say that’s not an especially narcissistic trait. You’re describing the prime motivator as either to cause pain, or to boost oneself up. Neither of those fit with narcissism (as I understand it).

If to cause pain, that’s sadistic, yes - could also relate to sociopathy, a great deal would depend on understanding how much the person was aware of their desire to harm - that would take it in different directions.

If to boost the self, again, could be a number of behavioral traits, depending on how aware the person is of their motivation, vs what they would label as their motivation.

Narcissists have extreme difficulty understanding themselves as lesser than. So they will act out against anyone that challenges that view - but they do not grasp that there’s an insecurity underneath the behavior. Some would say that there literally isn’t any insecurity, and that is what elevates the narcissistic behavior to a pathology.

In the way you describe the abuser and their target, it doesn’t seem like the target has done anything to challenge the abuser. So, the abuser is putting the person down because they enjoy inflicting pain, or because they can, or because they need underlings in order to have a sense of self.

And all this goes with the caveat that I’m not a scientist or a doctor. Just a person who reads a lot.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Predatory abusiveness doesn't have to be sexual in nature and can produce the same or similar results i...

Ain’t that the truth!!!!!!!

 

[Justmehere]

NPD parents can become really wrapped up in their child’s success as proof they as the parent are great. Childless adults don’t get praise for being amazing parents. (Frankly, I get insulted for being childless. Whatever.)

A really interesting Washington Post article explains that the narcissism of some parents spills out to how others parent too:

“The narcissism of other parents creeps into how the rest of us raise our children. Narcissists' relentless focus on their children's accomplishments creates competition among children and between parents. Even the "mommy wars" have their root in narcissistic parenting, Campbell says. Dead Link Removed

I see pinterest obsessed mommies post photos of their “amazing” party for their 6 month old... for being 6 months old... and it is like “look at my perfect cake!” And “look at all the people at my party!” And I wonder, is this about the kid or you?

 

[shimmerz]

I think it depends on the personality of the parent. Many narcissists are too selfish to give a shit about the child until the child is old enough to feed their ego. So, no, I don't think they set out to have kids for that reason specifically. Not unless they have someone to do all the 'dirty work' that a child takes to be raised and they just swing by for the accolades.

 

[Dana1010]

because they need underlings in order to have a sense of self.

This is what I'm talking about, I think. Like, the person is a mirror for them. "You look bad, so therefore I look better." That sounds like narcissism to me.

 

[shimmerz]

"You look bad, so therefore I look better."

There is also another way which my kids are stuck in with their father.
"You had better NOT look bad so that you can reflect my greatness with perfection."
Mine is big on the enmeshment. I think that comes into play too.

 

[joeylittle]

That sounds like narcissism to me.

In psych terms, it isn’t really. The narcissist already knows they look better.

Needing underlings to have a sense of self - in this hypothetical, is the individual satisfied with one underling? Or do they find that they tire of one and move onto another, or want more than one person they ‘control’?