Do We Have A Right To Feel Happy?

[angel2write]

I want to feel happy. I think I am more and more now. But then I start feeling guilty.

There are certainly children right here in my town who are being abused. Poor people. Hungry people. People in other countries being destroyed by war or evil governments. Innocent people and children who are suffering.

And I think about that, and some ugly part of my brain tells me I have no right to be happy. I don't deserve it. I've done nothing to earn it. Then I don't feel happy any more.

In the past, I've tried to deal with this by helping other people as much as I possibly could. And we still give a good deal of money to charities that help hurting people in various places. But I can't risk rescuing people any more. For my own safety, I've stopped picking up hitch-hikers or trying to help really crazy, needy people who seem to fasten on to me like leeches.

Not having to deal with all their drama and trauma is... restful. Peaceful. And I start to feel happy. And then I start feeling guilty.... and the loop continues.

Do I have a right to feel happy? Am I allowed?

 

[AngelaMarie]

Angel,
I understand what you are saying.

Last night I saw an article on Yahoo about a woman from Pakistan that had acid thrown on her by her husband. After over 30 surgeries she threw herself off a building in Rome because she couldn't deal with her life anymore. I just sat and cried (is that silly?)

The world make me very sad. I quit watching the news years ago because I couldn't deal with it.

We all have our problems to deal with in life, Angel. I think the only thing we can do is care and be the best person we can be. If the universe decides to give us moments of happiness we should accept it. IMHO. My happiness is fleeting when it happens. I hope every one else on this earth also has moments of happiness.

I hope that makes sense.

 

[Sterre]

I find myself struggeling with the same question as you mention. To me it is not so much if I deserve to be happy, but the impossibility to feel happy.
I truly dont know how other people do that happy thing?

It seems ike I just cannot shield myself anymore for negative stimulus, and it catches up on me where ever I go. The negative stimuli kicks in harder than the positive ones. Very strange and debillitating.
I feel sad most of the time, and something that resembles happyness for a very small amount of time.

Doctors and psychiatrist label it as dysthemia. I think that is a proper description of my emotional state.

You ask yourself if you are allowed to happyness? Why shouldnt you be allowed to feel happy?

 

[Lionheart]

It is sad, unfortunate, and depressing, but there's always going to be pain and suffering and abuse goin on somewhere. :(

We can help other people, when we are in a position to do so, but we can't clean up 'the cesspool of life' and I think it is more important that we don't add to that suffering, than it is for us to sacrifice our own hard-earned happiness.

So my answer is yes, I believe we do have a right to be happy.:)

 

[sea]

I think everyone has a right to feel happy. To me happiness is a basic human right. I guess you can apply logic to it. Happy people are healthy and productive people. Unhappy people breed unhappiness and negativity. So by being happy and peaceful you contribute positivity which impacts the world in a good way. Forming toxic relationships with people is unhealthy even if they make you feel guilty for not doing it.

What I sense from you a lot is that you may not emotionally understand that just because someone makes you feel guilty for something, doesn't mean it's wrong. You know what I mean? Though I know you said you independently feel guilty. But anyway being depressed and miserable doesn't really even the balance out, it just makes more depressed miserable people. The fact that you feel better when you aren't helping toxic people is an indicator that it is healthy not to do it.

Trapping yourself in a cycle with someone where the relationship isn't equal doesn't do anything except create a dynamic wherein you give and someone else takes, and there is no reciprocation or balance. So ultimately yes, happiness is necessary and so is cutting off toxic people.

 

[Sterre]

My happiness is fleeting when it happens.
.

Yes, this is how it feels for me too!

In some strange way happiness feels like a liquid emotion that is very hard to hold on to. It is fast, slippery and light. (like a butterfly or something) I cannot seem to grasp it, or hold on to it.

Sadness feels heavy and solid, it feels much easier to hold on to, eventough I dont want to.

Complicated stuff.

When I feel happy I start to feel nervous and jittery, because I fear that it will pass again.
I am just not used to feel happy feelings anymore. When I feel happy or light, I view myself almost manic, just because it feels so akward.

How sad is that?

Somehow people tend to believe that happiness is a state of mind that one deserves. Being unhappy is viewed the same. Being loved ditto.

But there is nothing to deserve. It implies that once you have worked hard enough there will be a pay off.
So when you dont work hard enough, there will be no pay off. But it is not true.

Most people on this forum work there butts of, and still are not happy or in easier circumstances.
It has nothing to do with earning or deserving happiness or not.
I think your question about allowing yourself to be happy is an interessting one.

What holds you back in allowing yourself some happiness?

 

[AngelaMarie]

(((Sterre))) Well said.

 

[intothelight]

Angel,

You have a right to be happy. I don't see how happiness conflicts with being concerned or wanting to help others. It is just a matter of doing it cheerfully.

The feelings of "not deserving happiness" are just part of the "lies" we were told and continue to tell ourselves. Funny thing is, so much of the things we associate "happiness" with really have little to do with it. I've been to some really poor third world countries, and the one thing that struck me was how "happy" the people that lived there were.

Happiness comes from within and that is where we need to start, and stop looking for it externally. It doesn't exist "out there somewhere"; or at least that is the lesson I am learning.

Just my .02.
Deb

 

[Zef]

Angel,
I struggle with this, too. Mine comes out as guilt. I should have been able to fix all the pain in the world before it happened. Unreasonable? Of course not. I'm just that good. :geek:

To answer your question, though. When I am in a healthy place, I see this a couple ways.

If we are able to feel happy, it isn't just our right, but it is also our responsibility to do so. Our moods do influence other people, whether we know it or not. There is a lot of pain in the world and every religion, philosophy and therapist has advice to give on how we can deal with it. At the end, though, it's all about doing the best we can. . .and if we can achieve some happiness. . .and, maybe, share it with a few people, that is hugely powerful. When I can share a smile with my child or wife, they get something good out of it, too.

The other thing I think, is this. You and me and everyone on this forum have paid our dues, we've felt pain and we have suffered. You've earned your happiness, you've worked hard to get it. . .you deserve it! Go grab it!

I am cheering for you.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

It's hard to speak to this when I'm not feeling happy or even believing that happy really exists anymore. Every time I start to feel something that feels close to "happy" it doesn't last for very long at all. I long for that feeling of joy and happiness.

My intellectual side really liked Lionheart777 comment. Well said!

 

[AngelaMarie]

It is strange to feel happy. When it happens sometimes I ask myself "What was that?" I think a lot of us are like that. Kind of sad.

 

[Tinyflame]

Zef is right Angel- you deserve to be happy!!
(((((((Hugs)))))))