I'm a big fan of effective therapy. That being said... I've rarely found that talk therapy
alone helped me change my life.
For me, for therapy to be effective, it has to include:
1.) Trauma specific techniques (along with general techniques.) Such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, Prolonged Exposure, etc. General talk therapy alone might help me feel better, but nothing much changes. With trauma specific techniques in the mix, things change a lot more - not just with processing trauma, but the therapists skill level and style of work with me when we would have talk-only sessions.
2.) Homework. I always ask my therapist what three things I should be working on or for other "homework" assignments. This is common in DBT, CBT, and less in other therapies like somatic work, but my therapist is always able to think of something. I have had diary cards and things to report back or etc to turn in. 1 hour of work a week just wasn't enough for me. I needed someone keeping me accountable to do work every day on my own between sessions.
3.) The understanding that effective therapy will often leave me feeling like sh*t sometimes. Sometimes the sessions help me feel better about myself. Other times, my therapist is kinda like... confrontationally kind? Or just well, says what I do not want to hear. And other times, we talk about the things I SO want to avoid. In fact, if I don't feel challenged and like I'm sometimes walking through the worst things with the therapist, then I wonder what needs to change.
Instead of going down the route of doing therapy or no therapy at all, which is a little black and white in thinking - I'd try something new. Try a new therapy. I'd suggest a trauma therapist who has one or more trauma techniques under their belt and some experience perhaps with advoidant attachment and interpersonal skills training.
Now I'd LIKE to and sometimes I feel like I do but overall, I just don't care. Now I'm sure that makes it really hard for anyone to care about me. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong out there. And talking about this in therapy... well, I can't imagine anything a new t could say that would suddenly make me care or make me likeable. But I also owe it to myself to not just give up but I wonder if therapy is the right course of action. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has ever had their depression/motivation/etc lifted with talk therapy.
I have had some major life shifts in how I relate to people, and even my motivation to relate at all with people, change through therapy. Was it due to something the therapist said? Not really. It was due to a lot of work processing the old trauma and leaning into really super uncomfortable skills in my relationships, every day, and reporting back to my therapist, and really developing a robust relationship with my own therapist that became what the therapy world calls a "corrective emotional experience" that changed my general way of being. And I have a lot of work yet to do...
This is just my experience and what I needed. For others, this would backfire and they need very different styles and types of therapy.
I am glad you have contacted a number of therapists and I hope you consult with a few, and give someone a try.
