Yes therapy works but also life lessons work. I came to realization I had exactly what you described as a major core. I articulated differently in my therapy and also in my mind though. This is my story. I had few negative transferences where I completely lost reality...they are called transference psychosis. I never had psychosis in my life but because I am happy in my life (generally - good marriage, good job and in second career school) I could do it easier - meaning I let it flow...did not fight it. Fighting psychosis is what causes the psychosis that got you in the emergency...it can be panic induced. Mine was in therapy room and I let it go few times. These are what I learned.
The biggest trauma for me was - at infancy level (these kind of transferences are like dream like so I do not recall everything but I got a lot of feelings out of them), I turned from my mother. I was abused as a child. I was starved, pushed, ignored, neglected, maybe slapped or pinched...during the transference, I was definitely trying to stay alive!
As a result, I ended up "hating" as a core. I hated my mother. Infant hate is dangerous. that hate kept growing and became my template of I do not care. I do not like people BUT yet I am very people person. I love people but I hate people...I just thought hating them was my shadow! but now that I am doing deep therapy, I realized hating people is my shadow but it is not my true self that is why it bothered me so deeply and became a secret I carried on my body aromatically. Who wants to admit they hate people and yet be with people? for god's sake, how did I even get married and fell in love? it is so contradictory.
Well just admitting it and accepting the rage that came with it, allowed me to release a clusters of emotions (like 4 yrs worth of hate) at one time...even in my dreams, I started to weep for all the hate I carried for my mother and everybody else even though again I love people.
Hate is for everybody, other inane things and just a global feeling of mine. One of the main reason I noticed was I started to hate my therapist...for what? NO reason.
I think you should stay in therapy but be upfront you have hate in your core and you want to face it (if you do of course)....trust me you would not care enough to be here and write about it if you were hateful person like hitler. Your soul is still repulsive to this otherwise, you would be happy enjoying it.
I will recommend a link ...do not let the title fool you but there is really a great deal of information about how an infant can start to feel, they do not care because they survived the lack of any love..(I am not saying this is you) but your template of you do not care seems to imply that.
There are a lot of information about this and it may make sense to you...it is too scientific (I am not) but I want the truth so I read a lot to learn what I need to heal.
I will write out the words but you may have to google it.
listening perspective the psychotic transference
By recognizing you are so close to healing fully, I really hope you find the right therapist.
Love is the cure.
Ps. I got a dog and fell in love before I met my husband and I think that cured me in some ways.
The biggest trauma for me was - at infancy level (these kind of transferences are like dream like so I do not recall everything but I got a lot of feelings out of them), I turned from my mother. I was abused as a child. I was starved, pushed, ignored, neglected, maybe slapped or pinched...during the transference, I was definitely trying to stay alive!
As a result, I ended up "hating" as a core. I hated my mother. Infant hate is dangerous. that hate kept growing and became my template of I do not care. I do not like people BUT yet I am very people person. I love people but I hate people...I just thought hating them was my shadow! but now that I am doing deep therapy, I realized hating people is my shadow but it is not my true self that is why it bothered me so deeply and became a secret I carried on my body aromatically. Who wants to admit they hate people and yet be with people? for god's sake, how did I even get married and fell in love? it is so contradictory.
Well just admitting it and accepting the rage that came with it, allowed me to release a clusters of emotions (like 4 yrs worth of hate) at one time...even in my dreams, I started to weep for all the hate I carried for my mother and everybody else even though again I love people.
Hate is for everybody, other inane things and just a global feeling of mine. One of the main reason I noticed was I started to hate my therapist...for what? NO reason.
I think you should stay in therapy but be upfront you have hate in your core and you want to face it (if you do of course)....trust me you would not care enough to be here and write about it if you were hateful person like hitler. Your soul is still repulsive to this otherwise, you would be happy enjoying it.
I will recommend a link ...do not let the title fool you but there is really a great deal of information about how an infant can start to feel, they do not care because they survived the lack of any love..(I am not saying this is you) but your template of you do not care seems to imply that.
There are a lot of information about this and it may make sense to you...it is too scientific (I am not) but I want the truth so I read a lot to learn what I need to heal.
I will write out the words but you may have to google it.
listening perspective the psychotic transference
By recognizing you are so close to healing fully, I really hope you find the right therapist.
Love is the cure.
Ps. I got a dog and fell in love before I met my husband and I think that cured me in some ways.
