Relationship Do You Feel Like You're Being Tested???

[Runnergirl]

So here's my question, do you ever feel like you are having to prove your love and dedication to your partner with PTSD? For example, they question your feelings for them or ask you to do something to prove you love them, nothing bad but things like going to where they are in the middle of the night. Especially when they are down or in a bad place. My BF gets very insecure when he's down and questions my feelings and commitment to him and I'm just trying to figure this out?? Thanks

 

[Lucycat]

As a sufferer I know I test my husband. It is not deliberate, but is a big part of the insecurities that I feel. I also do the same to my Therapist. It is like you only need to test the people who are very important in your life. At times I will push them away, but with hindsight I know it is because I want to see if they will stay. I want them to prove to me that I am important, because I don't believe it myself.

I do understand how difficult it must be for our supporters and Therapists. It is very challenging behaviour. The more aware I am of it, the less I try to do it. However I don't see it stopping.

 

[TimeToHeal]

I agree with @Lucycat. I'm sure I test my partner....or did in the beginning. But I don't think it was ever intentional. Most of us with with PTSD - especially with childhood trauma - have many insecurities and struggle with feelings of worthlessness and the like. So the concept of someone we care about saying they will be there, or do something, or be supportive, and then ACTUALLY following through, is very foreign.

It likely has nothing to do with you personally. Feelings of distrust are often very deeply seeded. I guess sometimes, we're just difficult people to love! :sneaky:

 

[kyara]

What a timely posting... I have been struggling a bit in the past week since I am missing my love one with ptsd. It's been more than 2 months since our last contact. It isn't that long at all if I put things into perspectives, but it feels like a long time. Anyway, as a supporter, I feel I am as though, testing myself whether I really love this man. From his perspective, it is perhaps a relieve to be without me at this time because I seem to trigger his stress. It's a tough one. I often think to myself - "the door is always open" We all have a choice to either stay or go. I say this with any relationship - and the ones which we want to stay, or decide to stay is what fits us best at that point. Who knows what life would look like when we reflect and look back near the end? Sorry to sound so gloomy ...

 

[Runnergirl]

@Lucycat and @TimeToHeal thank you for your responses, it helped me understand him a little better and why he does some of the things he does. It can be difficult to love someone with PTSD but as I told him yesterday, I've never given up on anything I believe in even if it's hard and I adore him so he's stuck with me this forum has helped me to understand his behaviours and such so much better and being able to talk to other sufferers and get their point of view is amazing so thank you for being willing .

@kyara I think we, as supporters, do test ourselves too to see where we are and what we can do. You aren't being gloomy, you're being honest. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and it's been the hardest but most rewarding relationship that I've been in. It's not easy and it's a roller coaster but I am learning how to take care of me first so I can be ok for him. I hope that you can find some kind of good place for you and your loved one. Thanks to all 3 of you for responding, you rock