Do You Get Jealous Of The Fun Events Your Supporter Is Involved In?

[Labog]

It just seems like a good idea to avoid other people and events.
or to get my shit away from someone else's much more promising life.

This is a quote taken from someone's input on an anonymous supporter thread (How long do you isolate?) and it made me start to wonder about something. I hope it's okay that, as a supporter, I've put this here.

I see this person's POV, but as a supporter, I can say with 100% certainty that that is the last thing we want our loved one to do or feel. We've accept and love you for who you are, quirks and all. We all have quirks. Actually, I'm usually drawn to the people and animals who need a little extra TLC anyway. Don't get carried away on the psychoanalyzing here please. ;) I don't seek out people who "need" me to fulfill my own sense of self worth...it's organic and we just mesh well. I'm a nurturer by nature.:hug:

The supporters have a rule we need to live by which is to remember to take care of yourself. This means emotionally and psychologically - take a spa day, out to dinner with friends, a concert, movie theater, or an amusement park, etc. Those things are just a few examples of what our loved ones may no longer want to do. The reasons are vast and I know you are familiar with them.

My question is, if there was something you USED to LOVE doing, like going to a concert, and your supporting partner/friend has tickets to see one of your favorite artists, would you get jealous/resentful that they are doing something you used to think was great fun? OR since now the thought of being in the middle of a screaming crowd may make you want to crawl into a hole there is no jealousy whatsoever?

Is there relief in knowing that your supporter can and will go to events occasionally without pressuring you to come with?

 

[Lihud]

I don't have a 'supporter', but when I see or hear of people I know going off doing things that I might have enjoyed doing once, or would like to be able to enjoy now, no, it's not jealousy I feel. I don't resent that other people can do things or feel jealous that they can, but it does sometimes bring up 'I wish I could do that' - I'm not sure what the name for that feeling is? It's not feeling something negative about the person doing it though, which I think jealousy would be.

 

[Hide]

Would I get jealous?

Maybe jealous isn't the right word. I might get pissed because I can't do what I used to do. Pissed in general, not at someone. Maybe a little jealous? It would be amplified by 100 if it was a matter of all my friends going but not me (in a situation where there is a group of friends). Then I might feel bitter.

Symptoms won't wipe out jealous feelings. (I know from experience.) I'm not suddenly ok with losing all this good stuff in life just because I want to avoid symptoms. KWIM?

There is pleasure in having a partner who is independent and free to do as they please without feeling like I have to be involved with everything.

 

[Pusaci]

Just speaking for myself

Is there relief in knowing that your supporter can and will go to events occasionally without pressuring you to come with?

Absolutely.

My question is, if there was something you USED to LOVE doing, like going to a concert, and your supporting partner/friend has tickets to see one of your favorite artists, would you get jealous/resentful that they are doing something you used to think was great fun? OR since now the thought of being in the middle of a screaming crowd may make you want to crawl into a hole there is no jealousy whatsoever?

If I'm doing better enough to want to go? Then, yes, I can get either jealous or envious. But I have to be actually doing better to feel either. When I'm doing badly? Pfft. Go have fun at your root canal. Please. Just don't take too much offense when I smile and nod like you're insane, or eyes glaze over and quit listening 3 words into telling me all about it.

 

[Ejot]

Envious maybe... not really jealous. But I got chronic illness too so it's not all PTSD or anything.

I have to use a lot of economy... don't have enough "ummph" or stamina. But then again, it could be worse so there you have it.

 

[Uhunu]

I would go with the relief option. Relief someone isnt stopping their enjoyment for me. Not jealous as a person and certainly not in this context. There are times I feel sad or regret I can't but that is an internally focused thing and not about others. I try to look forward and not regret what isn't at present but the times that hit me the most are about human contact. Something I want but can't fully tolerate.

 

[Renare]

Not jealous.
I start feeling s not crazy though if the roles get defined into supporter and sufferer.
I don't see it like that as no human being is immune from mental illness - just takes a certain set of circumstances.
I would feel estranged if I was seen as the sufferer and my other half felt like the supporter. I would hope it was an equal coupling, built in love and understanding. So I wouldn't be jealous, I'd be happy for them that hey could go and have some fun.
But I'd feel weird if they didn't understand that it was something maybe I enjoyed once, and something I hope I can enjoy again.
It's the defining line between me the ailing sufferer and you thd strong supporter that would do my head in.
Because that's not the way it is.
People who suffer mental illness of any kind generally have a great deal more compassion and understanding than those who never have - so that's what you get in return.

 

[Izoj]

Not really jealous. Wistful is more how I would put it. Like a deep sigh and a wish I could do that too...

 

[Ibuf]

OR since now the thought of being in the middle of a screaming crowd may make you want to crawl into a hole there is no jealousy whatsoever?

This one.

Also, like other people, I get pissed at myself because I cant do what i used to be able to do. But im not jealous nor (if i had a supporter) would I not want them to have fun and a good time. Id also want to hang back as id ruin their fun.

 

[Comohi]

I love when my partner ( hate the expression ' supporter ' ) goes off and does his own thing. I practically shoo him out the door. I fully respect that he needs his space and freedom to do the things he needs to do. I would never hold him back, and hope, in the future, to take him up on invitations.

 

[Gomoz]

The way I see it, there's nothing I can't do, there are just things I don't want to do and things that are difficult to do.(Oh, ok, I can't actually fly like a bird.) So, no, I don't feel jealous. I DO feel relief when I can escape doing something I don't want to do without it being a big deal.

 

[Ijuhu]

If anything I miss the old me. The one that used to do the things that are now happening around me. It isn't jealousy, it's sadness, for myself, and happiness for others that can still do such.