Do you evernfeel jealous of those with good families?

[Tasivuf]

Relate on many fronts with you all. I, too, miss family. No messy details needed concerning the whys and the hows for lack of family. It is what it is. This Christmas was extremely difficult. I pretended that it was a regular day so I binged watched, a sci-fi series for two days. It was the ultimate avoidance!!! Felt good, too.:D I want to say more but it all hurts and is like mourning a perpetual death, so I will leave things be. You all know the character of loss and want...

 

[Kugovi]

I relate so very much. My ex has a wonderful close family and its highly triggering for me. I'm seen in a negative light because of it but they can never understand the pain it causes to not have those relationships. It's a pain they will never ever know.

Even when I hear my coworker bring up her grandmother, its like a knife to my heart. I feel so horribly alone and lost in this world. I too relate to the feeling that if something were to happen to me, no one would know. The weather is bad here and I sometimes think about if I were to get into a horrible car accident, or some other accident, how no one would wonder where I was or know to look for me unless I missed work. I think about if i died how there would be no funeral.

I don't have friends I can't understand how to form relationships or how to trust people who try. I have no one and it's so horribly painful and lonely. It's made for a dreadfully long life and I haven't made it even half way.

I'm so sad we have had to deal with this loss and this pain. I'm sorry to you, I hope we one day find peace with this burden.

 

[Kifuk]

I am horribly jealous and I crave family so bad it hurts. I wish I could figure out how to stop craving family. I woul...

I am so sorry you have this feeling.

I have worked hard on boundaries with my family and often wonder what it would be like to have had functional family. Especially now in trauma, it would be incredible to have people to go to, to tell who were unconditionally there, with love before judgement.

But I do not feel unsupportive/ abusive family are a benefit. I try and stay balanced over the tools I gained from my upbringing; independence, self reliance, compassion, balance, ability to not personalise in the midst of most emotional situations.

And try and work on the stuff that is not so great that is now my responsibility as an adult.

Certainly in trauma my longing has been severe. I even found myself googling and finding some places where adults are asking for 'adoptive ' parent figures or parents. But I recognise this...at that moment... As something that is not realistic. :) I also think, bizarrely editing down my friends, removing some of the less reliable acquaintances from my social circle is proving helpful.

 

[Jamozob]

I feel horrible watching those commercials on Television where couples, families, friends are all having such a great time.... really???
I think there are a lot of families out there with new victims of all varieties being perpetrated against even as we wish them luck. Or think they are the lucky one's...
Sounds horrible but I suspect that is closer to reality.
I've had to write 'nil' in the next of kin form for so long now & look away when I get the 'sad' look...

 

[Kewo]

My parents always used to say ’no family is like that’ about depictions of functional families. To an extent I agree with that still; I do not believe that people go through life untouched by struggles or unchallenged by communication failures inside their families it without making mistakes and errors. But I do believe that some families work through them and apologise and give each other time and don’t cause harm and mainly stick to the golden rule.

I think trying to pretend it's impossible is a cop out for dysfunctional family leaders who do not want to self examine.

 

[Olob]

This is so enlightening to read. I never thought of anyone suffering with ptsd or any mental illnesses feeling this way. I guess my ex may have felt this way as well, but never brought it up or had me feeling as if he was feeling this way. This is good information to know.

 

[Vuhumi]

I have felt so much of what everyone is talking about. When I was younger, it was much more jealousy, now it's more... I don't know.,,, what the feeling is. My closest friend has taken me and made me family. And that is great and a gift. And when I'm just with her, her husband and daughter, I'm ok. But when it's the whole extended family, I always end up with this... ache? And I've known them all for decades. I know their ugly side. They aren't leave it to beaver. But they are family and they aren't abusive. They aren't the crazy that I grew up with and had to escape.

It is painful though- silly things- no ride from surgery, no meals, no Happy Birthday or How-are-you, no one to feel has your back, no support, no safety net or concern, no one to celebrate for or with, no one to live or fight to stay alive for, a feeling of non-existence. Especially uncomfortable around others who have it, or don't think far enough ahead to realize there is a difference.

I just had the lack of ride for surgery issue. I got a ride in the end and I am grateful. But I find people don't understand what it feels like, when you don't intrinsically have those things. I'm not saying this well. It's not just what you don't have. It's how that comes across in a world built on expectations you do have it.

I am horribly jealous and I crave family so bad it hurts. I wish I could figure out how to stop craving family. I would take a semi abusive (just not sexually) family over being all alone in the world any day.

I still find myself searching for that connection. An older lady at work becomes friends with me, and I start plugging her into the mother role. But of course she's not my mother and I'm just setting myself up for hurt.

 

[Gabos]

I....used to get jealous of couples, couples with nice looking families I'd see in the mall or them being people I knew.

Since I made a conscious decision not to get involved in a relationship for a very long time I don't care anymore, good for them.

Sometimes I will still get jealous though if it's a really hot woman and think "Why not me". With jealousy though, it was kinda dealt with in EMDR in a pretty good mannerism. During it she said "it's something you want, you don't have it......yet" and "It's not yours its theirs" The latter really sticks with me if jealousy comes to me now

 

[Refe]

It's not that I feel jealous it's just that I don't "get" it. Weddings and celebrations are so damn triggering. It's like I've landed from another planet and can't work out why people are being so nice to each other. Does my head in. Sometimes I have to walk in the forest and rage and cry afterwards.

 

[Bamavu]

It's not that I feel jealous it's just that I don't "get" it. Weddings and celebrations are so damn triggering. It's like...

I’ve done the same; I can relate to this post entirely; I don’t get it either, I just can’t wrap my mind around families actually acting that way, a family that doesn’t hurt each other the way we were harmed. When I see a mother who loves her children, a kid who is close to their mother, I just can’t “get” it. Couldn’t have explained better. And yes, weddings are incredibly triggering. Partially also painful because I think, if I got married, who would come to my wedding? It would be my husbands family and... maybe a few of my friends? No family would be there on my side. No father daughter wedding dance, my dad won’t walk me down the aisle. Just hard.

 

[Bamavu]

Sometimes when I meet someone who seems like what I imagine certain family roles would be I just wish so bad they were that. Example: I have a really kind, down to earth teacher, she listens to me and cares when I’m having a bad day, and will give me a hug if I need it. She makes time for me and talks about her kids all the time- she’s like a mother. Or atleast the kind of mother I always wished I had. I hope that makes sense

 

[Ehoc]

I can totally relate. My situation is different to yours. I live with 2 parents who do not speak, and we are estranged from all my aunts uncles and couisins and I miss them a lot. So I understand feeling jealose when we see people who have what we need/wants. Its a natural emotion. You don't allow it to affect your behaviour towards people which is mature. I am sorry you're in so much pain :( It sounds so lonely <3