Do You Get Many Somatic Reactions When You Talk About Difficult Stuff?

[Ronin]

I think it's common.
Most of really bothering me things, I can't talk about. At all. Decade of working on it didn't change the status. Writing is slightly possible, but even then I get all sorts of awkward and pushing it back down. & I'm too much a control freak to let most people work with my body. Too close up. My space, 'move away, don't touch me, don't even think of touching me, doing a runner than seeing your face again, shrink' kind of attitude. Bit pain in the ass when it's also awfully clear my history isn't going anywhere and things don't get better if I don't keep poking at recovery.

 

[Hope4Now]

I've nearly passed out a few times while talking about difficult stuff (either traumas or things about myself)
I've shook several times or just disassociated. I've been told it's a defence mechanism. A few times I've gone several minutes without being able to speak. Is this common?

#1 Yes. Although the nearly passing out is usually prior to talking about anything...the fear that comes up about revealing and my system thinks is dangerous...or after, later, after I have talked about stuff and then get all freaked out, "what have I done?" and I can get dizzy/fainty until I sit and breathe and ground and try to remind myself that it is all okay.
#2 I get dissociating and shaking regularly. Always when I manage to get out of my head/intellect and actually connect with emotion. My primary defense mechanism is intellectualizing, so when I can get that to settle down a little and give me some space, the other stuff comes up as another layer of defense...
#3 Not being able to speak. Yes. When I'm starting to dissociate it happens. Sometimes I can choke a few words out before I go offline into shutdown. Other times I have trouble speaking because there is so much going on in my head/so many internal voices/so many things I want and need to say that it can't all come out at one time, so nothing comes out. Or just a piece of it does. Other times I hear myself saying what I want to say in my head, but it doesn't come out of my mouth.

Writing things out helps me.

 

[Suzetig]

#3 Not being able to speak. Yes. When I'm starting to dissociate it happens. Sometimes I can choke a few words out before I go offline into shutdown. Other times I have trouble speaking because there is so much going on in my head/so many internal voices/so many things I want and need to say that it can't all come out at one time, so nothing comes out. Or just a piece of it does. Other times I hear myself saying what I want to say in my head, but it doesn't come out of my mouth.

Writing things out helps me.

This is me too, I can get compete tell stuck and unable to speak, so,e times through dissociation, sometimes from having too many thoughts and sometimes because is get caught up in feeling fear, shame, guilt, whatever. I too find that writing helps - I don't often share my writings with my therapist but getting it out of my head helps me order things so I know what or how to say it.

All of these things though have got so much easier as my relationship with my therapist has deepened. There are still things I find hard to talk about, but I can explain why or what's going on with me which I couldn't do for a long time.

 

[Chosen]

mine are mostly stomach related. Any stress goes to my gut. Sometimes my heart skips beats and aches; other times I can't breathe as well and feel light-headed, but most of the time I get a stomach ache or nausea.

 

[shell]

Yes, I process things somatically, I lose the ability to talk, if I am dissociating badly I can't see, and every session when I finish my body aches so much from being tense, the pain in the lower half of my body can be really so bad, that I struggle from the pain to stand up and walk out.

A lot of my flashbacks are physical rather than visual, and it is also how I process things during therapy. Pain behind my right eye, that comes out of no where is a sure sign I've been triggered into remembering something, or nausea. Most of my trauma was very physical and it seems to be how I remember and process it, but it isn't just in therapy.

 

[GrowingJoy]

Wow, Shell, that's really intense. Does anyone tell their therapist that this is happening to them. My T does not focus on somatic issues, but they do happen to me. Things like numbing of arms, shortness of breath, tightness in muscles, back pain. I am too nervous to talk about it.

My family would abuse me and then tell me that I was being too sensitive after abusing me. I think that I was reacting appropriately. I think you can convince a child that they are something they may not be, it makes my emotional life very confusing and overwhelming.

 

[Cool Cat]

My T does not focus on somatic issues, but they do happen to me.

Mine does, they happen almost exclusively in therapy (about 90% of them)
Mine has tried to get me to do somatic exersizes but I feel too self-conscious to do them

 

[shell]

My new T is very aware of how I am affected somatically, and really helps me with it. At the end of each session she helps me ensure I am well grounded and back in my body, and always requests that I wait for a while before I drive home.

She tried to do a relaxation exercise yesterday to help me with the leg pain, working from my feet to my head, but unforetunately when we got to my head I dissociated and she mentioned she thinks I tense my body to help stop myself from dissociating, as when I started to relax I panicked and dissociated. My legs issue feels like I am primed ready to run, hypervigilance in over drive.

It was one of the reasons I chose my new T because she is also a Somatic Trauma T, it really has helped me as she notices straight away if I am holding my breath, and talks me through so I can just sit with the emotions. She had special trauma scents, that she used to bring me back when I started dissociating and had me up walking around and getting back in my body straight away, whereas I have dissociated nearly most of a session away because the previous therapist failed to teach me how to ground myself. My last T was really helpful, but this one is really aware of watching what I am doing physically often before I am even aware.

 

[GrowingJoy]

Wow @shell, that sounds really helpful! I wish there was more of a focus on somatic issues but I don't want to change who I am working with because I have a lot of trust with her. Do you know what kinds of trainings your therapist has gone through? Maybe I could find someone to work with in a group therapy...

Also, would you be willing to share with me how it feels for you to dissociate? I used to really bury my feelings on all this trauma and I am finally digging it up again and having a really hard time right now. I have started noticing that when I am talking to people I feel myself looking at the situation from a distance and feeling very self conscious. I feel a little dizzy and want to run away. I really appreciate your thoughts.

 

[shell]

@GrowingJoy, she has a list of about 10-15 different trainings, one of which is Somatic Trama Therapy, and worked with people who suffered from serious physical trauma for many years in a medical situation.

How does it feel to dissociate, depends on how triggered I am, it varies from being so mild I am not aware I am dissociating and can last for days, or just minutes, but extremely out of it. It can be out of body experiences, everything from being mildly fuzzy, unclear, distant, unreal, detached, having no emotion attached to something that should be extremely upsetting, numb, not really present in my body, hearing but as if from a distance. If really triggered can't see, instantly falling asleep within seconds after flashbacks, small moments of being unable to recall what happened, or something I said or did moments before.

Everyone experiences it differently,

 

[GrowingJoy]

Thank you so much @shell, I appreciate the information. Lately I have been feeling like I see myself and what's happening at a distance and the sound feels distorted. I suppose this is dissociation. Thought I was being self conscious.

Have been trying to find out more about Traumatic Release Exercises and have been thinking of taking a training. I think the Somatic Trauma therapy is what Peter Levine created, author of waking the tiger.

 

[LizardViolet]

Yes, Somatic Experiencing therapy was developed/discovered by Peter Levine. There is a directory of Somatic Experiencing practitioners on his website, www.traumahealing.org. His organization runs trainings and also has many books and other materials.