Poll Do You Have Difficulty Recognising Your Emotions?

[KatB]

Emotions have always been difficult for me to express. Words would be better expressed through writing or drawing or something else creative. Now:O_o:, I feel like there's a brick wall between my heart and my emotions/mind. There seems to be this disconnect with my mind that I know what I am feeling when extreme situations arise or when I see/hear something that remind me of something.

Mostly, I am like a cloud in the sky. Like others have said, I tend to dissociate A LOT from my own surroundings as a lot of chaos I faced when young, I didnt or wasnt really allowed or accepted when I showed my true emotions. Negative emotions were/are condemned/rebuked in my family and religious beliefs. Therefore, I tend to feel a lot of guilt,shame, and extreme embarrassment when I realize how deep and impacting my actions/thoughts are. I find that I am more scared than ever realizing how real my condition is and I see how it impacts my way of living. It's more exposed, more in the open, and more real to others than myself...

 

[KatB]

numb?

I know I have them...but I am not always aware of what they are. I find that a lot of the time I can rationalize why I shouldn't feel a certain way, but I certainly can't label most.

Annie

I go back on rationalizing my emotions a lot. I think it's always seemed easier to have reason/logic than faith/divine spirituality explain our true "self". It's easier but doesnt always make sense. THIS... all of this... doesn't make sense at all. :confused::eek:

 

[raven123]

Since my trauma lasted from 3 1/2 years old (sex abuse, rape) and then till 18 (child abuse--emotional and physical), I only feel a few things: 1. Bipolar highs - the only time I feel good and I'm hypersexual. 2. Depression and/or pain. 3. Nothing, blah. 4. Anger and/or self-hate.

I left my body during the sex abuse then often would do it growing up. Once learned, it was easy to do. I've been disconnected from emotions since the rape 40 years ago. I fake every emotion to fit in. Had to.

Except sexual touch, I hate to be touched, hugged, etc. I absolutely despise any guy touching me even shaking my hand. I grimace inside when that happens.

About a week ago, I was sitting and saw myself lift out of my body. It was like my body and mind were separate. I hadn't left my body since teens. Maybe 27 years ago. I'm 44.

The pain is like this deep hole and nothing fills it up. Raw pain. I hate it. That's why I relearned how to leave my body. Being in a high (Bipolar) or feeling nothing is my preferred state. My abusers stole everything.

 

[Britt.f7]

Raven, I can relate to the feelings. I rarely have highs. I definitely feel the depression and self loathing. Unfortunate for my husband I rarely feel sexual. Way too few and far between. I rarely feel out of my body unless I'm in an uncomfortable social situation. Then, though I know I appear "normal", I do not even remember the conversation once the person walks away.

Right now they are adjusting my meds. Weaned me off one and I'm starting another. I'm back to crying and feeling desperate/hopeless. I hate this darkness.

I am not a touch person. My youngest son is a big hugger. My sister is too. She's a big toucher. I've learned with them to not react in a negative fashion. My husband is often the initiator of hugs and kisses. I think I would miss it if he didn't do it. My oldest son is not a big hugger either, so when he gives them I definitely make sure I respond. Touch is definitely an issue.

We can never go back to the person we could have been had we not suffered the trauma, but, perhaps this is only hope, I am trying to be less of a survivor and more of a person who thrives. I don't want to give my abusers or the trauma anymore power then they already have had. Definitely difficult to do but I have to believe all this hard work will pay off.