Do You Torture Yourself With Songs That Remind You Of Trauma?

[Muzikluvr]

There are certain songs that go through my mind and get stuck there. Some remind me of good things and some remind me of trauma, of shame.

Do you get stuck on those songs that remind you of traumatic events?

How do you switch songs, or stop the music?

 

[BloomInWinter]

OMG, YES!!!

I don't do it as much, now that I'm aware that it's one of the ways I self-harm and take the abusers side against the child/hurt me.

I want to be on my side, now.

I began by listening to one un-harming song at a time.

 

[Muzikluvr]

There are these songs from my childhood that I really, really liked; until someone explained what they meant and now they are full of trauma. Actually, it wasn't just that they were explained, but that the fact that I liked them was used against me in the whole campaign to slander me so no one would protect me.

Recently, they've been getting stuck in my head again. At one point, I went back to enjoying them. But, now it doesn't work. I can't let it go until it hurts.

After posting this thread, I stopped singing the one that was stuck! So, that was good.

 

[shebug]

Some songs just do that, you know. Send me into another time and place. I can control only my own choices when it comes to hearing them. Once in a while one will get played at random when I'm out in public or at a job; that's when it's hard to cope. It takes me by sruprise and I find myself in tears and feel I have to try to explain myself to those who may happen to be around me, which only makes it worse. I figure if I get through it without going into a fulll-blown flashback I'm doing good. I don't explain any more unless the other person/people are likely to understand. It helps if I immediately start singing a happy-association song over and over again, even if it's only in my mind, until THAT one gets stuck there, along with the happiness.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I need to pick a happy memory that's associated with a song, and write it down. I have a hard time thinking of songs on the spot. Sometimes titles, sometimes lyrics, but usually I just draw a blank. And, I'll sing my happy song until it's stuck!

 

[Srain]

I use to play the same song over and over and over especially during the time my father was alive. I felt so powerless and had daydreams of driving all the way back into his state and hunting him down and torturing him into confession. I was rageful when that song came on. I would then hunt for other songs that built me back up to that mood of rage.

I avoid them now. Oddly, I use to avoid songs from the era of the abuse but now I find I love listening to the songs I use to play all the time now. I hated them with a passion for years. Funny how that works.

Rain

 

[ronin47]

Yup

 

[ericaboo]

I'm doing this with a vengeance- is it bad? It's just that... I numbed it so much, I just want to feel the feelings - it's cathartic... (?)

 

[Chincho]

I used to play these songs over and over. Now I can hardly listen to any music. Music makes me terribly sad, whatever it is.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I have found that the songs I used to listen to all the time.... now the lyrics take on a much deeper meaning. I used to hear the words but not really relate to them. Now I hear them in a new light and I feel so much more when I listen to them.

I can listen to the same songs over and over because they touch me so deeply and I relate to them so much.

 

[Lionheart]

There is an entire album that brings back memories of abuse, but part of me refuses to let that ruin the music for me...

.......or so I thought. Now I am thinking I may just be torturing myself. Like a child picking at a scab. :confused: I am a big music lover, but this have definitely given me 'cause to pause'. Do I really like the music enough to allow it to flood me with abuse memories?

ummmm, ...not so much!!!

Thanks for the thread, great topic!:)

 

[Spiderallis]

So glad to know I'm not the only one. I've got issues with the 'repeat' button. Some songs salt the wounds, some calm me down, others get the anger out. It seems to help me regulate things if I can push a button and guide my head one way or another.