(It's a kind of pun on Doc Holliday...)
I ran across this site, decided to see things. I've had pretty bad PTSD for years. I think I do pretty well with it, all things considered. I don't think I can talk about everything, but we'll see what happens. I've done a lot of looking into PTSD, thinking about it, working on myself. Probably the hardest thing is not sleeping. It has knock-on effects, not sleeping. Makes a person crazier and ragged. I use melatonin, sometimes lots of it to sleep. Sometimes sominex, try to keep a schedule and relax. I tried Trazadone for a whille. That stuff gets you high, I swear. It also made me fatigue physically quickly, and oddly stop caring about things, so I stopped it.
I know I can be wearing on people if I let it happen. As I've said to my gal, "I know I'm not very restful." She said, "No. You aren't. But even when you seem off the wall, you have reasons, and you are never cruel or trying to do harm, and you take care of me." In some ways I've become false as a result of training myself to act differently, but there's no other way to be really. I've had to school myself to act like someone people won't run away from because they are afraid, or the would cry - what I mostly try not to be is so serious it's too much. Can't talk about things most of the time because people just can't relate. That's ok. In reality it's nothing all that special. There are lots of people who have been like this, made stark and serious by their lives. So what? Get on with things.
I have an old brain injury that still affects me. But I've recovered as much as I can. I guess the good part of it is knowing that as I get older, not remembering stuff is normal for me.
In terms of who I am, I've done a lot. Been an entrepreneur, spent years in central asia, bopped around Russia. Written for military audience on terrorism a couple of book chapters. I teach some for an MBA program. I have a PhD in microbiology. I've done robotics.
I trust almost no one. More accurately, I trust no one and never will. I can't. I trust one or two people quite a bit, but I can't connect as normal people do. That's just how it is. I lost a leg emotionally. That's life.
And I've only been detained by the police once. :smile: Long story. Unlikely to be told here. No point.
I think I'm probably here more for others than for me. Maybe that won't turn out to be true, we'll see. But that's what I feel now. I'll probably cry some, did a little reading and writing here.
I ran across this site, decided to see things. I've had pretty bad PTSD for years. I think I do pretty well with it, all things considered. I don't think I can talk about everything, but we'll see what happens. I've done a lot of looking into PTSD, thinking about it, working on myself. Probably the hardest thing is not sleeping. It has knock-on effects, not sleeping. Makes a person crazier and ragged. I use melatonin, sometimes lots of it to sleep. Sometimes sominex, try to keep a schedule and relax. I tried Trazadone for a whille. That stuff gets you high, I swear. It also made me fatigue physically quickly, and oddly stop caring about things, so I stopped it.
I know I can be wearing on people if I let it happen. As I've said to my gal, "I know I'm not very restful." She said, "No. You aren't. But even when you seem off the wall, you have reasons, and you are never cruel or trying to do harm, and you take care of me." In some ways I've become false as a result of training myself to act differently, but there's no other way to be really. I've had to school myself to act like someone people won't run away from because they are afraid, or the would cry - what I mostly try not to be is so serious it's too much. Can't talk about things most of the time because people just can't relate. That's ok. In reality it's nothing all that special. There are lots of people who have been like this, made stark and serious by their lives. So what? Get on with things.
I have an old brain injury that still affects me. But I've recovered as much as I can. I guess the good part of it is knowing that as I get older, not remembering stuff is normal for me.
In terms of who I am, I've done a lot. Been an entrepreneur, spent years in central asia, bopped around Russia. Written for military audience on terrorism a couple of book chapters. I teach some for an MBA program. I have a PhD in microbiology. I've done robotics.
I trust almost no one. More accurately, I trust no one and never will. I can't. I trust one or two people quite a bit, but I can't connect as normal people do. That's just how it is. I lost a leg emotionally. That's life.
And I've only been detained by the police once. :smile: Long story. Unlikely to be told here. No point.
I think I'm probably here more for others than for me. Maybe that won't turn out to be true, we'll see. But that's what I feel now. I'll probably cry some, did a little reading and writing here.
