Does Anyone Have Days Where They Just Want To Give Up

[ThinThread]

i am struggling to the point of giving up , i have tried so hard to get things right but just dont have the resources , i was getting therapy for my cptsd , the therapist started doing Prolonged Exposure Therapy and it made me a lot worse, i started doing things i hadnt done in many years. I have become more unstable and self destructive.

I found out that i should not be doing prolonged exposure because of my types of traumas and the nature of my cptsd but of course its opened a door i cant seem to shut. I have started with a new therapist or rather another one i knew who is very good - but im now conflicted , ive lost trust in therapy overall and am becoming cynical and dismissive. I have had therapy for over 4 years and feel so much more worse - not better. I cant help but feel that im being fed physco babble and most therapists dont have a clue ...its all textbook

I struggle with suicidal thoughts on a daily sometimes hourly basis , but i dont trust anyone anymore , i dont share it with my therapist , and even if i did , i would never allow another hospitalization, thats another trauma in itself

I am alone and dont have any friends, i hate where i live , i recently lost my marriage and last week lost my job

Everything i believed in is gone...ive lost all interest in everything and feel like im hanging by a thread , a large part of me just wants to give up...im tired and ive had enough and i just needed to vent

 

[Changing4Best]

I felt that way when I was homeless, had been for a couple of years and basically thought there was no hope. I tried suicide. It didn't work, of course, or I would not be writing this!

What I did find was that if you attempt suicide, everyone who comes to know about it gets really mad at you! Also the hospital people that deal with you afterwards, when you come to (which in my case was 9 days after I took the pills), they are really disgusted with you and treat you awfully. There is no pity, no sympathy and no love to be had if you don't make it. There is only deep disappointment and even anger or disgust on the part of everyone.

None the less, my situation did improve and I no longer feel hopeless. One of the greatest changes in my life that helped to bring hope to me was coming to know the Lord Jesus. I accepted Him and He in turn helped my life not to be so hopeless. I am not saying this just to preach to you or anything like that, but sincerely as one who has been there and found a way out. Hope is something tangible for me now. The other thing that really helped was getting away from my abuser. I had tried to escape from him 17 times before, but finally succeeded when I was able to pray about it and beg Jesus to hide me from him and protect me from him.

I later ran into him some year and half later and he said that there was like this invisible wall that kept him back from coming to get me where I was staying. He seemed puzzled about this, but I knew it was a band of od's angels that protected me from him. Then, I just simply that I could not live like we had been doing, that I would not come back to him and he accepted it. Simple. Just like that! I was free of him.

Now I have a life of my own. I am no longer under his thumb and subject to his decisions. YIPPEEE!

 

[J.L. Pitts]

prolongrd exposure is a joke it just traumatizes you over again when I wrote my story I had to edit it and edit it I read that story so many times I hadn't had flashbacks or nightmares in like 20 years but reading it over and overr just made me whacked.

 

[Javagoat]

Thankfully, my therapist doesn't use that kind of therapy. I get really frustrated when I hear about people with cptsd being subjected to it. It sound horrible and I think I would have given up on therapy. It was really hard for me to get the courage go to begin with. I hope you get a therapist who really understands that cptsd requires a multifaceted and carefully thought out approach. It is different than treating PTSD from a particular traumatic event. I sorry that you had to experience that type of therapy and I certainly understand how you would feel worse because of it.

 

[ghotiff]

My first therapist made me worse also. It's taking me a while to trust my current T, or the process, but I'm getting there. I think it might be good to tell your current T about how you feel about therapy making you worse, maybe you already have, but I think they should know about it to make sure they don't take any action that may do the same thing.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Most of today's threads seem to have that theme of despair, including my own. I hope tomorrow is a better day. (Of course I know none of this began, nor will end, in one day - but some days you wake up and feel it more than others.)

You say you are getting tired of the whole idea of therapy, which is understandable if it's been that retraumatizing and hasn't helped after so much time. What approach does your new therapist use? Is there any flexibility? I hadn't heard of prolonged exposure therapy and had to look it up. When I did, I saw why it might not be the best approach in CPTSD. If you have a chance, I suggest looking up the NARM method. You can find a two-part interview on youtube by searching for Laurence Heller on healing developmental trauma. I haven't yet been able to do this kind of therapy myself, but it really impressed me when I read about it. One thing you would like about it is the belief that you shouldn't have to be retraumatized in order to heal.

To reply to the question in your title, yes, probably most of us here feel like that fairly often. It kind of comes with the territory unfortunately. But we're all still here. Hugs if you accept.

I later ran into him some year and half later and he said that there was like this invisible wall that kept him back from coming to get me where I was staying. He seemed puzzled about this, but I knew it was a band of od's angels that protected me from him.

I believe that @SheilaKathy. I'm not a Christian but strongly believe in angels and know they can do such things. I will frequently ask for a team of angels to help and protect someone who is having a hard time, if I think they will be okay with the idea. It's never failed yet.

Sorry, that's sort of off the topic and I don't want to push my beliefs on anyone, so I'll stop now.

 

[Chava]

Yes, I feel like that often. I don't have friends or good support in my immediate life, and I also don't like where I live very much but feel stuck here because selling my house would take years. When I want to give up I realize I am EXHAUSTED. When I feel like I want to die, I acknowledge that I am actually feeling powerless and I look for any small action I can take to know that I am not trapped on all levels, that some things can still change (even if it just means I can go for a walk and feel a bitter better today).

I'm glad you recognized that the exposure therapy was not helpful and researched a good therapist. That's excellent! I've had a couple crappy therapists (Well, they were probably very good in other ways, just not for my stuff). It sounds like you are just tired. Can you let your therapist know you are feeling exhausted and even resistant at this point? To me that would make sense, like you want help but are also protecting yourself from risk of re-traumatization or something you can't handle. Take it slow. I don't know your whole story, but just on read of your post, it sounds like you've set yourself on a better path but are just plain sick of it and exhausted at this point. I've felt that a lot in recent years. It is exhausting. I hope things with the new therapist work out better. Take care of yourself and how burned out you feel over this...anything safe that can allow you to rest or disconnect from the struggle in a positive way? (I think of artwork, even if my art sucks, or walking my dog....zen-like stuff of just carrying on with what needs doing in the present so I maintain my energy). Hang in there and don't quit your new therapy but let that person know how tired and distrustful you are feeling.