General Does It Make Me Selfish And Weak?

[MurphyJB]

I want a normal life with a normal healthy relationship. Something that I will never have with D. I feel selfish even saying that.
Does it make me weak to want to leave?
I feel like I'm trapped.

 

[GummiBear]

No it does not. They are your feelings and you have every right to feel what you feel. I know in my situation with my husband I felt like leaving so many times. I get so frustrated. I've become a person that scream and yells and is sooo full of anger, rage, hate. I don't like this person I've become. But I also know he needs my help as much as I can give him. I remind myself that there are patterns to the hell. Some days are great, some days are horrible. I try to hang on and wait it out for the good.
Are you able to take time for yourself regularly at all? How is your support system? Do you see a counselor?

 

[MurphyJB]

Time for myself is non-existent.
Partially my fault...I'm a full-time student and I work about 60 hours a week.
It takes it's toll on me...I've been really stressed. I feel like I'm just starting my life and I'm being held back by all of his PTSD problems.
As for a support system...I dont have one.

 

[amethist]

Murphy wanting a normal life is not selfish or weak.

What I would have given these last few days for a normal PTSD free life, but I couldn't. I did not feel weak or selfish for one minute.

One piece of advice you need to take on board and grab hold of now, is that you have to find a support system, make time for YOU. As well as starting to be your own person, not one who runs every time he calls.

If you don't put these things into place now, it will drag you down deeper than he is. He will be the one calling all the shots and you will be bowing to his every command. You will have no strength left to be your own person, as he will be controlling everything.

Think about what you have posted in other threads, some of this is already happening at times now.

Amethist

 

[stella]

Thank you - these posts are so helpful. I'm not the only one who's angry and beaten down feeling! I see that I need to start focusing on me time. Thanks again.

 

[NIKI]

Does it make me weak to want to leave?

no!

 

[discarded]

No Murphy, it doesn't make you weak or selfish. I have recently left my PTSD sufferer after 27 years of marriage. The last 7 years he suffered from PTSD. I ended up with depression myself and ended up resenting him to some extent for not seeing I needed help. I worked through my own issues and sought help to understand his. Nothing I did in his eyes was good enough and finally after much soul searching I decided to leave. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I did partly because I just couldn't cope anymore and partly because I hope it gives him the space he needs and hopefully he will eventually seek help.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

No, you are not weak or selfish. I think if you can squeeze it in seeing a therapist for yourself would help you to sort it all out. It would be the beginnings of a support for you. You need alot right now. You sound so burnt out. I really feel for you. Take good care of you.

I heard that if you find yourself saying If I can just get myself through this I will be ok is really being in the danger zone for yourself. My heart goes out to you. Please take good care of you.