Does money buy happiness?

[TruthSeeker]

Okay, the focus for this thread is: Does money buy happiness? My father, grandpa-napped and being controlled, has a couple million. Bro, and my former abuser, is volleying for best child position and control of the family millions. I go to visit my elderly and forgetful father, and he doesn't recall what happens. Brother is clearly winning this game.....moving into position for control over his money and most favored child (my father is allowed to do anything he wants-he's much like a child). I can't take being triggered when I go and visit. It takes weeks to get back on track. Brother will script everything I say to my father and will not leave the room. My father says, "It is his home and won't order him out so he and I can be alone. Recently, money has moved, accounts have changed, and I'm off as power of attorney. I told him that all that money wasn't worth the hurt and aggravation of being controlled by my brother. I told him to put my part in trust, or leave my part to the Shriners.
I'm not going back, I can't stand the torture and the flashbacks he causes. He only causes hurt. Another narcissist in my life (I have a whole clan of narcissists who torment me).
So, would you turn your back on 1 million dollars and walk away from your financial security for your old age or continue to be abused and hurt and suck it up and then spend a year in probate fighting some more? Would you expend the energy and money in court so your father isn't financially raped? He doesn't remember....he feels dependent on bro. Inheritance is supposed to be a gift, and gifts are supposed to feel good....this is anything but that! I think that his money keeps me tied to the past.

 

[Rumors]

No, no it doesn't. NOT. AT. ALL.

 

[hithere]

This is just my personality and I how see it, but I do not feel any amount of money is worth the emotional pain and stress. If you think you can whether all of it then that is great. I talk to a lot of homeless people and they don't feel the stress is worth it to try and please people to stay in a steady consistent job for one mental health reason or another. For myself, my own stresses have aused me to back way off my business because of my mental health. Your situation sounds horribly stressful. On the other hand, for me horses and boats bring me happiness and they both take money in addition to the money just to live on. What going through sounds awful. Maybe if you had a support person in your life that you could talk to and lean on after dealing with these self-centered manipulative and controlling people.

 

[Mee]

No. But it can make unhappiness less uncomfortable.

 

[somerandomguy]

I wouldn't go through the pain and stress you're describing for any amount of money.

Money can solve a lot of problems, but it causes a lot of problems as well - like family disharmony. What a waste of everyone's potential.

 

[Fadeaway]

It can't buy happiness, but it can buy a sense of security.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I'm the only one in the family who planned for retirement. The rest, well.....they are of the entitlement and manipulation mindset. This is such a struggle. I want to see my father, but not with the abuse I have to endure....whether he were to leave me any money or not. The physical pain I endure after dealing with them is horrible, and I ruminate so, and I'm so scattered. This situation is so hurtful.

 

[blackemerald1]

No money of itself does not make anyone happy. :)

But neither does uncertainty, poverty and being homeless and allowing another person (any person) to control you circumstances by withdrawing, withholding finances.

There are organisations that can assist where there is financial abuse occurring. You could take a step back and get some legal advice about where you stand legally and whether you can get a 'stay' on finances being shifted around without proper authorisation.

That's what I would be doing. I can tell you being abused financially is crippling and it's too late once the money has been squandered or stolen to re-think it all...

 

[Virtues]

There have been studies proving money does buy happiness (to a certain point)

Money only buys happiness for a certain amount - Purdue University

I forget the first psychologist that proposed this idea, but it has been studied and restudied over and over again and the same results are always produced. Once financial security is met (home, food, water, clothing, transportation, communication, there's some other key points I know I'm missing) money means very little to meeting one's happiness. However up until that point money plays a huge role and ties in heavily with happiness. It all boils down to Maslowe’s Hierarchy of Needs (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs): at the bottom is physiological needs (food, water, sleep) next is safety needs (this is where employment, money, and resources come in) as you move past this the next tiers have little to do with money; the next level is love and belonging (friendship, family, intimacy) followed by esteem (self esteem, confidence, respect for/by others) and finally self actualization (morality, creativity, problem solving) some would argue that there is even a higher tier that Maslow didn't consider and that is transcendence (a spiritual connection to whatever God you believe in)

 

[TruthSeeker]

No money of itself does not make anyone happy. :)

But neither does uncertainty, poverty and being...

Got all that in place-working to keep father's money safe but if I intervene, I'll probably be cut out of the inheritance anyway. I got taken off as POA because I went to my father's attorney to protect him and my brother convinced my elderly dad that I was up to no good with his attorney and couldn't be trusted. In the last 9 months, I have been followed,overtly taken pictures of with beautifully expensive cameras, molested by bro's high school friend, and I have motorcycle escorts when I go to visit who will stop traffic, leaving me in the middle of the street and surround me-very creepy. I lock my doors. I remain calm.... They are 1 percenters (gang related) or of the 1 percent mindset. I am a woman....alone.... who has been hurt by her brother....who has no feelings and could give a shit. I don't feel safe. I haven't for 9 months.

 

[blackemerald1]

If you have had the conversation with your father's attorney regarding money etc., then that same attorney should be advising your father what is going on with the money right now.

All this subterfuge? Why is it happening if you are no longer POA? Why would anyone be bothering you if your brother now has control of the money etc.,

What can you do to intervene if you have already spoken to your fathers attorney?

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Bkinder... I think in your situation no that money belonging to your father will not make anyone happy. Your brother sounds cruel... And for your own well-being its no surprise your walking away from that.

Im an artist so Im usually very poor.. But thats OK. I have all my time free... I can concentrate on my work... Sure having a little bit more would be nice... But would it make me happier?.... I don't know if it would...