Where Can I Get Happiness From??? Is There A Shop Where You Can Buy It From????

[J_trustno1]

I know a lot of you will be thinking that I am talking out of my senses again but I'm not happy. I am physically fit, hold a qualification, exercise, eat healthy and good, not ill apart from depression and ptsd.

Anyway, I am not happy to be alive right and that doesn't mean I am thinking about ending my life. It's not about getting rid of life but finding what truly makes me happy. I have plenty of leisure time which people will be dying to have but I am not happy.

I feel useless because I haven't achieved big things in life and have no sense of direction. I am being turned down from every job I have applied for even if it wasn't particularly my study related (i.e. customer services, call centers etc) but they all slam the door on my face. I only took these 4 days off from not applying because I getting horrible at managing my emotions so decided to take a week off to calm down exactly as a friend told me to do so. I have all this qualification, knowledge and experience starting from the age of 12 till final year of my undergrad study but even lowest paying job won't accept me.

Am I really dumb, useless, piece of garbage that no one would want to hire me? I can see them winning over me and laughing at my loss. Life is horrible and I am not happy at all :(. Can anyone tell me which shop I can get my happiness from? What do I need to do to be happy? I know that money won't make me happy which is absolutely true but I'm just not happy!!!!! :( :( :(

 

[anthony]

Jess... how old are you? Mid 20's maybe? Early 20's? Here's what you need to understand, because you talk a lot about qualifications. Qualifications mean nothing in the workplace. That is the simple answer! Even doctors start at the bottom of the shit pile in medicine upon graduation. They get all the crap nurses normally do, but don't want to do, so the nurses give it to the new doctors, as they need to learn from the bottom. Being a doctor means little... learning on the job and proving yourself as you continue, that means everything.

If your focus is your qualifications when getting a job, then that is part of your answer right there. Employers know they mean shit... they're just a piece of paper. Your focus should be on how hard you want to work, start at the bottom and learn... because your education has really taught you nothing about your job set. Education is theory, it is not real life, it is not earning an employer money.

I get that you feel like shit, I have days like that. Same same... exercise, eat good, still get depressed and PTSD still kicks my arse some days, just cause it can.

You are young, and it really does take time to find what makes you happy. You are absolutely right though, and I believe the word you're searching for is "purpose." You need a purpose to get out of bed, to not be depressed, to strive for something. You just have to find that purpose and what it is. Again... you talk lots about education as though it means something, when in essence it means nothing to an employer. Employers don't want someone who thinks they know it all already... they want a blank canvass who they can mould to what they need them to be.

There are very few fields where a degree really means a lot, apart from a basic understanding of a subject.

You're also entering a time when the world is really in a shit fight of a place. Markets are declining, employers are worrying and not hiring due to economic projections they can see on their own books, and jobs are tougher than ever to get. Every kid coming out of high school nowadays is getting some uni degree or another, which just makes competition all that much harder.

Rome wasn't built in a day... nor will your career.

 

[J_trustno1]

@anthony: I don't mind starting from the bottom but no one is giving me a chance to prove myself which is annoying me. I have 7+ years of experience in customer services alone from working at the restaurants, supermarkets and retail but I am not even being hired in those jobs either. I don't understand why customer services jobs won't hire me either despite having all that experience?? I am not looking for a high paid job, I'm looking for just a job where I can prove that I can do something. I know that education or qualification does not define who you are but now I am starting to feel that i have wasted all these years at university studying where I could've been a manager at some supermarket with liquor license certificate I held. Or could've worked in government office and still be doing same old stuff.

 

[radicalgratitude]

@J_trustno1, just keep plugging away. Your ship will come in. In the meantime, volunteer work can get your foot in the door as well as provide you with a sense of purpose in your life in the here and now.

 

[WillyKat]

I wish I knew who to give credit for this, but some psychologist once said that the "pursuit of happiness" (which is written into the US Declaration of Independence), while it sounds nice, sets people up for disappointment. The main problem is with the word "pursuit".

I've spent a lot of time worrying about happiness and knowing I'll never achieve it. That's OK because I've learned something recently: to focus on meaning, purpose, and fulfillment rather than happiness. Not only are they more attainable goals, but it feels so much better.

I believe I've found my purpose in life, or at least one that's working for me at the moment. Each of us has special gifts, but it takes a while to figure out that you have them and longer to really understand what they are. Work toward that and you'll get to something better than happiness.

 

[anthony]

A very wise person once explained job hunting to me, in relation to door to door sales. You may need to get a thousand rejections, slaps in the face, doors slammed on you, chased by dogs and so forth, before getting that one sale... but the odds are that eventually you will get that sale, statistically speaking.

 

[anthony]

Work toward that and you'll get to something better than happiness.

I like that... well said.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@J_trustno1 ,

Jess, I started right at the bottom of the proverbial Shit Pile. It takes strong will and determination. You have shown that gusto already in life. Against adversity and pressure from family, who did not believe you could pass, let alone get the level of Degree you did.

That took three years to achieve. Be patient please, I have no academic qualifications at all. I struggled for over 8 years to get a decent job that paid a good enough salary.

My advise from last week still stands, and I would love you to try it.

Take a whole week out from everything, take day trips every day (not expensive ones) Treat yourself twice a day for a minimum of an hour each time. Go for a calming walk maybe, with headphones on and playing your favourite group. Take a bottle of pop and a bag of candy. Find a nice spot under a shady tree, listen to your music, enjoy your candy and pop. Watch nature at it's most beautiful. But most importantly take that week to relax, leave all thought of work aside. enjoy that week off. Please Jess ?? Try it, I did, and now I am so much more focused.

Take care in whatever your decision.

Laurie

 

[Amalia]

Hi there :)
I help people get into work, all sorts of people from super vulnerable to ex CEOs. Don`t know if you can on here but perhaps you can copy and paste the main bit of your cv onto a message on here and p.m it to me, would be happy to look at it :) Not surprised cal centres etc aren`t biting because you are just too qualified for them, and they will ownder either a) why you are applying and b) if they did give the job to you how long would you stay around before your true vocation (and salary;) called?

Essentially it sounds to me like you need two CVs - one which is industry specific to your qualifications etc - and yes voluntary work on the side will help with this as yes you do need to get some kind of experience in your chosen field and vol work since the recession hit is looked on far more favourrably by employers. It also gives you a chance to show what you can do and you will be privvy to all the jobs on their intranet. Only 20% of jobs are publicly advertised, so it is all about being in the right place at the right time :)

The second CV wil be your `survivor bible`. Sit and decide what jobs you would be willing to do in the meantime, as you do sound as though you would like to be productive as well as getting a job in the industry you want. Once that is decided - limit yourself to 2 industries 3 different jobs roles - you can gear your CV towards those utilising the transferrable skills you no doubt have to sell yourself and yes, possibly dumbing down slightly so you don`t scare the crap out of p***y little managers who think they`re god`s gift because they earn £26k and eating at Mc Donalds is a choice ;;;))))).

I find most individuals feel like yourself purely because there is a requirement, a need, for structure and a long term plan so they can see the light at the end of the tunnel x

Also structure your days - when I wasn`t working I woudl apply for 10 jobs in the morning, always up by 7.45-8am, then a swim or the gym and go out after that too, to the park or whatever. As human beings, and especially those with PTSD we appreciate structure, planning and consistency more than most. It` stops us stressing, which is a trigger for me anyway, so either way it has to be a good thing. And don`t worry, it`s not about age - I have clients from 25 to 60 and the feelings you are experiencing are universal. You are not alone :)

If this has been any help at all, I`m glad :). As I said do PM me if you`d like. Best of Luck!

 

[Justmehere]

I'd suggest volunteering for a cause you care about until you get a job. Volunteering will help with feeling like you are accomplishing things until you have a job that helps meet that desire to do things with your life.

 

[Manu]

Someone suggested to me years ago that I keep a journal and write just like I was talking to someone. That was forty-one years ago and I still do it daily. Another person called it your "paper shrink." I thought about the way parents see their children's growth by measuring them and marking it on a doorway or somewhere. I don't know of a way for us to do that psychologically, other than a journal. I realized I was growing from year to year, even month to month, but wasn't aware of it. By looking back at my struggles and issues at any given time I could see that I either grew beyond certain things that had troubled me, I gained more insight into the issues, or someone had guided me to a new perspective. Some issues were more stubborn and took a lot longer to resolve, but I could see progress, at least. Setting goals has also been helpful for me. I don't make resolutions even at the start of a new year, but I do set goals, which I think of as targets to aim for. Just as with a target for darts, I may not hit the bull's eye every time, but if I hit the board that's a good thing. Sometimes I don't, but at the end of a year I often see how I surpassed what I aimed for in at least one area of my life. Journaling has helped me gather my scattered thoughts, sort through what matters and what doesn't, and prioritize. For me, happiness means finding a life that is challenging and flourishing. That may mean facing obstacles and having struggles, but at least I'm not vegetating! My concept of happiness is not a lifetime of fun and ease but of getting better, stumbling over the hurdles of life less often, and making progress toward wholeness in various aspects of my life. Most of all, it is finding contentment in the things I can do and having memories of things I was once able to do. Gravity happens to everyone, but it sure does seem to happen a lot more often as I get older! I drop stuff (except excess pounds!), the body droops, and falls happen more easily. An attitude of gratitude comes in handy at those times when I feel discouraged, and I try to remember all that I still can do. Consider how you want to look back on your life from the perspective of old age. What will matter then? What are you doing today to invest in an inner life that will enable you to say in your Golden Years that you are happy and content? Few people achieve that, but I think it is a great blessing if you can. This comes to you from a senior citizen entering those years without regrets, despite many years of PTSD and other issues physical and psychological. I hope it is of some help to you.
Manu

 

[Little Flower]

I have fallen off the wagon. Not alcohol. The trying wagon. I don't wanna try. I'm tired