I can not and should not have to rely on a friend or anyone else BUT him to take care of me, (and as far as that goes...I do NOT have a friend who can come any time I need). And as for myself...I do everything -EVERYTHING to take care of myself. And where I cannot. my daughters usually step in. From him I only ask for a commitment to the marriage we have entered. Love and attention, care and understanding, My pain and anger is fully justified in my opinion. Who are you to question that? You have not walked in my shoes. So I just want to say enough that I believe your .02 was mean and harsh... unconcerned and inconsiderate.
I always take good care of him and never grimace or complain when he asks for help. Instead of trying to find my faults while you read my posts, why not instead just comfort me? I am really so let down.
Something we say a lot around here is to take what's helpful and disregard the rest. Our community tends to be frank and give a wide variety of feedback. It may be helpful to state outright the type of feedback or support you are looking for from peers.
It sounds like your husband has screwed up and dropped the ball on meeting some needs you'd like him to meet. Really be there for you. Anger isn't always an perfectly accurate measure of a matter, no feeling is, but it can be very informative and tell us when a boundary is crossed, we feel threatened, or something we value is at risk. It can help us identify what we care about and what we want to change. What I read that you value is being cared about equally as you have cared for your husband. You feel stranded, let down, not getting support. He's let you down big time. (I mean come on, 6 years delay with the stove!)
You very justifiably want support, connection, and closeness.
What you get is distance.
What you say to him is harsh words, critique, snapping at him.
What happens next is he gets more distant.
You feel more frustration and aloneness...
Around the cycle goes.
Getting through orthopedic surgery with support is hard enough! I hope that you do find comfort in the middle of this hard season in life with him.