General Does This Email Sound Ok

[Hashi]

Yesterday he even said he was just gonna stay and buy a house there.

... in which case you might want to think twice before saying you'll do whatever it takes!

Seriously, I think your commitment is wonderful. I also agree with what others have said. I think it's enough to express your support for him in this moment, and your willingness to be there for him when he gets back. You don't need to anticipate any outcomes or predict your future feelings, and I think it's better not to - apart from any other reasons, it reduces the pressure on both of you.

Something I'd be careful about is trying to do it for him, or to help with things he can - and should - do for himself. He needs to go to counselling on his own. (Unless it's couples counselling for your relationship, which would be something different from trauma counselling.)

I think it's great that you say that you take it seriously.

I also really like that you said:

I know i have no clue what you're going through, or have been through.

I think this is a very validating way to show your support without saying you understand things that you can't.

Your love shines through. I think he's very lucky to have your support. I just hope he appreciates you! Make sure he does, and remember to take care of yourself and your own life as well as supporting him.

 

[journey31]

Buy a house in Afghanistan?!?! Oy vay!!!! :eek:

Yeah that's when it became crystal clear he was having issues. I know he wasn't serious, but still

 

[Bilby]

How long will he be back for? Just wondering as I have heard that many of those that have been in the military find adjustment to 'civilian life' rather difficult... add potential PTSD to that and it is even harder, as well as taking your relationship to a greater level of commitment.

 

[Abstract]

I think he is very lucky to have you and that you sound like your relationship has been a good one. I really wish you well and hope he gets the help he obviously needs.

I do agree with the comments that others have made. I totally see that you say all you do with conviction. I just think that it is impossible to know what things will be like later so it is better to not make such broad promises.

Personally I think it can be a bit dangerous to say that you will never leave no matter what. He might be fine and not act out when he is in a bad way but saying things like this can give people the idea that they can do and say whatever they want without consequences. I don't think that is healthy for either party. I think there are circumstances where anyone should leave a relationship no matter how much they love the person. That that could be an issue in your relationship may seem impossible but I think it is a wise approach to have to see relationships this way.

Even though he has brought up PTSD he is likely to still be half in denial and I would be concerned that speaking so much about "no matter how bad it gets" might freak him out at this point. It could backfire as he might start thinking he shouldn't put you through that rather than hear what you are saying.

Coming to terms with having PTSD and what that entails can be a long and difficult process. For all concerned really.
I think its great you are so determined to find out more about PTSD. It is sure to help you a lot.

 

[journey31]

How long will he be back for? Just wondering as I have heard that many of those that have been in the military find adjustment to 'civilian life' rather difficult... add potential PTSD to that and it is even harder, as well as taking your relationship to a greater level of commitment.

He is back until they deploy him again, if they do. He said that he's sure they will but no orders yet. He's on his second deployment

 

[Sing2me]

As a sufferer I hope for your sake you do not send the letter as is. Promising you'll be there through anything you do not realize what you are setting yourself up for. And he will walk all over you whether he means to or not.

Baby, I've been thinking about you and have something to say. Maybe it's just me, but you seem a little distant lately. I know you're stressed and missing home. I know I can't understand what you're going through, or have been through; but, I want you to know I'm here for you, whatever it is. If your right and you do have PTSD then that's ok. I will do my part. I'll study it, go to counseling with you, and I'll help you through it anyway I can. I'm not going anywhere. I expect it to be hard at times, and am prepared for it; but, it doesn't scare me, I want to stick by you. I know we're not married yet, but we've discussed it, so I take it seriously. I wouldnt discuss marriage for the hell of it, and I don't need a ring to become your partner. We have already made it through one deployment, we can make it through anything we want. I know there will be other deployments and I know it will be hard. But I also know what kind of life I'll have with you and that it's all going to be worth it. I'm proud of you baby, and will continue to be proud of you. Stay proud of yourself. I just had to let you know what you mean to me. I'm crazy about you and I can't wait until we can be together. We're going to be so happy.

Just my own version you can take or leave whatever you want. It's coming from you so it needs to be you. Best of luck darlin.