Does this happen to you when you're depressed?

[SeekingAfrica]

Being depressed in waves, or sort of running out of energy fast? An example of that: getting up early to journal/vent and plan my day, managing that just fine, but then by the time I get in the shower, I had no energy to wash my hair. Literally. I know it's an awful thing to admit, but it's true. So I just stood under piercing hot water until I gathered enough energy to stand up again. So like, I end up 50% productive, doing few tasks and then needing to curl under a blanket and watch an episode of TV series I find recharging. And then after a while being able to do few tasks again, or at least one. Eventually needing a break again.

I know this is kind of how it goes when I'm having a really rough patch and yet I am never more prepared for it. I think the spoon theory addresses that the best, although I don't have physical illness. However knowing that doesn't help me change it at all. It's kind of...it is what it is. Every task has more resistance and takes more motivation and energy to complete. So I have to push myself and then rest and then again...

 

[Survivor3]

Being depressed in waves, or sort of running out of energy fast? An example of that: getting up early to journal/vent and plan my day, managing that just fine, but then by the time I get in the shower, I had no energy to wash my hair. Literally. I know it's an awful thing to admit, but it's true. So I just stood under piercing hot water until I gathered enough energy to stand up again. So like, I end up 50% productive, doing few tasks and then needing to curl under a blanket and watch an episode of TV series I find recharging. And then after a while being able to do few tasks again, or at least one. Eventually needing a break again.

I know this is kind of how it goes when I'm having a really rough patch and yet I am never more prepared for it. I think the spoon theory addresses that the best, although I don't have physical illness. However knowing that doesn't help me change it at all. It's kind of...it is what it is. Every task has more resistance and takes more motivation and energy to complete. So I have to push myself and then rest and then again...

I know exactly how you feel. I feel depressed a lot and it makes it very difficult to complete tasks. Sometimes all I can do is try to eat and I can't even get in the shower.

 

[Reneprays]

I have been there as well. Yes, even washing my hair exhausted me. BUT, please make sure you don't have a medical condition that crept up, our bodies can change fast. Low iron levels and vitamin D were aggravating my issues more.
Also, seeing a professional for depression can be beneficial.
I personally listen to my worship music and that gets me moving these days. Also, when your journaling try to make sure to write life-giving affirmations. I can, I will, I want....building yourself up with hope statements.
Write your vision down of what you want to see accomplished.
I truly do know exactly where you are. God has brought so many great things in my life.
I pray that you are strengthened and find hope and joy in new ways!!
I have some resources HERE:

Blessings

 

[Rani G2]

think the spoon theory addresses that the best, although I don't have physical illness. However knowing that doesn't help me change it at all. It's kind of...it is what it is. Every task has more resistance and takes more motivation and energy to complete. So I have to push myself and then rest and then again...

@SeekingAfrica sending Support :)

Here another candidate who swam and still does at times in the waters of mental exhaustion/the own expectations of „needing/must Do things“, just limited to the bare essentials, yet fearing the never ending cycle, still the pressure/the musts/ to Do daily work and reduced to Do things on saving mode. It’s extremely hard to see any pathway in this mind state. Not a fan of the word acceptance, but I have no other way (Very subjective, yes)than to crawl while Collapsing. From what you have shared so far I see your determination, I understand and see the humanness.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

When I was in inpatient trauma treatment, we were taught about the Tolerance Window. Have you heard of it? Maybe Google if you feel inclined? It explains it well. In the tolerance window we have good energy and are in the state when we can learn, encourage ourselves and grow. Over it is where anxiety is, and the flight response. Under it is depression, under activation. This is when animals who are being hunted go all slow and freeze.
It sucks very much indeed and im having it today too. Like @PURUSHA says acceptance is the only way forwards. Because crawling is better than being stuck all together.
Having said that I havent found much acceptance at all today. Im PMS girl and I only just made myself go outside for a walk with sunglasses on. (Its 3pm)
The good thing about acceptance is that one small accomplishment can lead to another. The worst I know is the days where I just lay in a ball crying all day and did nowt.
Keep on trudgin you can do it x

 

[SeekingAfrica]

When I was in inpatient trauma treatment, we were taught about the Tolerance Window. Have you heard of it? Maybe Google if you feel inclined? It explains it well. In the tolerance window we have good energy and are in the state when we can learn, encourage ourselves and grow. Over it is where anxiety is, and the flight response. Under it is depression, under activation. This is when animals who are being hunted go all slow and freeze.
It sucks very much indeed and im having it today too. Like @PURUSHA says acceptance is the only way forwards. Because crawling is better than being stuck all together.
Having said that I havent found much acceptance at all today. Im PMS girl and I only just made myself go outside for a walk with sunglasses on. (Its 3pm)
The good thing about acceptance is that one small accomplishment can lead to another. The worst I know is the days where I just lay in a ball crying all day and did nowt.
Keep on trudgin you can do it x

Haven't heard about tolerance window but I'll check it out. I believe knowledge is always useful:). I of course like anyone have better and worse days with this. Today happens to be the worst kind- many things went wrong, and I hyperventilated and almost passed out in front of the post office, the guard had to ask me what's wrong and I just mumbled panic attack and went in, still hyperventilating. I cried on the street on the way back and proceeded to cry and hyperventilate and cry in waves while getting home. And then while changing clothes and warming lunch, for like 40-50 min. It was excruciating and now I'm curled in bed wrapped in blankets and I have no energy to move, let alone work or try to solve any issue. Haven't had such strong reaction in a long time. Working on the acceptance part though and on believing that spending few hours in bed won't make the sky fall or ruin my life somehow. It's a rough day, trying to cope.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Awwww ? God I feel for you so much. Holding it in and then crying in public is the worst. I hate it so much. Man at least you were at the P.O.!
You sound so much like me and my struggles. And you are totally right spending a few hours curled up in blankets isnt the end of you or the world.
I can tell you about my day if it cheers you up any, just knowing you arent alone..
I was sposed to go to horse therapy this morning but cancelled on waking up as I have a terrible cough. I then slept till 11 and had stupid nightmares. You know I was writing to you about my goals.. well I had none written for today. And I felt so awful so I cried for most of the day thinking “I am not even able to do goals!!” (It is a bit funny in a black comedy kind of way)
I actually did practise cook an omelette but got in a strop coz I couldnt taste it (my cold).
Then finally I read on here and trudged outside for a bit. But I told myself the same.. not the end of the world, bad day. I even said, hopefully; maybe this is one of the worst, I cancan use it to measure others against..
Two qs for you; do you have a trauma therapist and hows it going with that trauma diary ?? Writing mine helps.
Now im going to do 15 mins in garden coz maybe it helps a tinsy bit. X

 

[DharmaGirl]

Gentle hugs, you have been through so much, and you work your ass off everyday to get better. A day of blankets is ok.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Gentle hugs, you have been through so much, and you work your ass off everyday to get better. A day of blankets is ok.

Thank you! Much appreciated. I don't feel like I've done enough. In my head it goes like, I am still having to postpone rent, postpone payments, my job search is a mess, I'm a mess. I am in this situation still, ergo I haven't done enough. BUT I do appreciate what you're saying and this forum so much. Also I do recognize that the way I think is probably a little distorted right now, so I'm doing what I can to change that. It's been an odd hyper-emotional 24h and I'm having an emotional hangover. Like, I can't sleep more, but my body is just off, like, I'm all detached from all problems for the day. Probably should be doing everything I can to change the situation, but my body and mind are still in pain from the amount of adrenaline and panic overload yesterday. So I made a 2 part list for the next month which I hope I manage to follow somehow: a. self care to survive this time(including affirmations and support and gratitude and things that could orient me to being positive or believing I will get through this) and b. practical things for dealing with the situation. Almost made it through a whole week though, which was honestly questionable at one point. It's a start.

Holding it in and then crying in public is the worst.

I know, right? I kept trying to look down and wipe my tears often so less people look at me wondering.

a few hours curled up in blankets isnt the end of you or the world.

It honestly felt like it was. I'm running out of money because of the unemployment/odd jobs/looking for work combo and it feels like I need to be productive every minute. And every bill I'm late on is killing me. But yesterday I got literally very dark and suicidal so taking time wasn't optional. Talked to both crisis line and chatted with my best friend at the same time, cause I just couldn't take it. Did that until the feeling eased a bit.

I can tell you about my day if it cheers you up any, just knowing you arent alone..

Thanks, that was really nice:)).

Two qs for you; do you have a trauma therapist and hows it going with that trauma diary ??

I have a therapist, not a trauma one, but I can't really pick and choose as I don't have the money right now. So I'm going to the free center. But honestly they were a pleasant surprise, my T is really way better than I expected and that place has been really helpful. The trauma diary is helpful a bit, yes. Plus I try to journal for myself in the morning too.

Anyway, I'm having a bit of emotional hangover today, so...the sky might as well fall down, I still need to chill for a bit. Like, my body was on overload for half day yesterday. Adrenaline/panic-tears-adrenaline-tears again and again. Then rest. Then getting really suicidal and talking and crying again. And today my body is just done, and so it my mind. So rest is not optional. Which I do have to keep reminding myself though:).

 

[DharmaGirl]

I hope tomorrow is better for you. I think about you often.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I hope tomorrow is better for you. I think about you often.

I am not sure. After 2 days of hell I have ballet performance where I have to be all chill and graceful and I am also turning 30...

And boy oh boy...today in contemporary we did an acro trick with 2 ppl for a first time!!- AND and, I fell and dropped the girl that was climbing me and she fell on her HEAD! She is fine, but maaaan. Things quickly went from internal adrenaline and dark thoughts yesterday and being tired to quite external adrenaline today. I still can't calm down. Oh boy. If I get through this I am getting in better shape so my strenght is never a reason for anything like this(although it kind of happened to fast so I'm not sure if it was strenght or I slipped, but better safe than sorry). I just ...wow. These 2 days are just...I just ...can't. Like, there is not enough space in my brain to cope with the last 2 days. And tomorrow I'll be 30. Having a birthday when I wonder how to keep going is just odd. I can't. I just. Wow. Let's just say, I hope this way of getting into my birthday means that this was the worst and it will get better from now....

 

[DharmaGirl]

Accidents happen, that's why they're called accidents. It was just my birthday on the 4th. Happy Birthday! I know it doesn't seem that way, but I just turned 60, and things look so different from this perspective. I hope things do get better from now on. Remember that you have friends that care about you here.