Domestic Violence Stress......

[want2cope]

Domestic violence stress is the cause of my weight gain. It also causes my lack of eye contact. Biting my nails, fidgeting as in a nervous state, and rubbing my eye brow are all ways I deal with my high anxiety. Paranoia also plagues me in almost a negative narsistic conceited manner. My extra weight is my shield that keeps me safe from anyone giving much notice to me, only a fact that exists in my own mind. Thinking to myself if no one really sees me they won't make fun of me, call me names, point out my flaws, and won't want to touch me.

 

[Overwhelmed]

I am really sorry you feel you need to do this. You are obviously hurting and I hope you know that it doesn't really help with gaining weight because it brings other problems your way and it gives the people who hurt you off the hook. They don't care if you gain weight. The truth is the people who have hurt you don't have your best interests at heart because if they did then they would not have hurt you in the first place. Try and love yourself and be kind to yourself. You might think it keeps people from you and maybe it does but is that what you really want?

There is a great line from the Clint Eastwood film, "Heartbreak Ridge". In the film there was a guy who was always kind of messing up. There was an officer who made this guy run circles around the men as they marched with him lifting his weapon over his head. The man collapsed from exhaustion. Clint Eastwood's character whispered in his ear and then the man got back on his feet and ran more vigourously around the men with new gusto. The officer asked Clint Eastwood's character what he said to the man. He replied, "Dont give the prick the satisfaction, sir". I hope you use the same message to yourself.

Love yourself and be kind to you because there is only one of you and you are special regardless what ANYONE thinks! This link helped me and I am sending it because it will bring you comfort.

[DLMURL]http://www.healyourlife.com/author-louise-l-hay/2011/12/wisdom/inspiration/do-you-love-yourself[/DLMURL]

 

[Spiderallis]

My weight went the other way during my domestic violence era, lost so much that every rib was visible and my skin wasn't the right color. Don't worry about appearances until you're safe and settled into a peaceful, protected place. It's probably a good idea to hold off on new relationships until you're happy with you. Thinking of the weight gain as protection from that makes me a bit uneasy, but as you regain a sense of safety you won't need as many walls.

On the same note as Overwhelmed's Clint Eastwood quote- I kept repeating "The best revenge is living fabulously" during the hard times. You deserve a happy life that you enjoy living, there's lots of people on the forums who can help you find that.

 

[Sveta]

I understand about the weight gain making you feel safe. My weight fluctuates during periods of high stress and what food is available to me. I recently lost a lot of weight after becoming a vegetarian, and I find that instead of feeling confident, I feel like I draw more attention to myself (which makes me anxious). I layer clothes to detract from my figure, use scarves, etc. It bothers me that people (especially men) might treat me a certain way because of how I look, one way or the other. I don't want it to matter.
I also have trouble with eye contact, especially with men.

I have been a perpetual victim of domestic violence. I get it. Spiderallis is right about one thing...don't focus on appearances until you are in a safe place.
One thing that got me eating right again (I stopped eating for a while) was red apples. I tried to focus on how wonderful eating a perfect red apple is. I tried to enjoy every bite. My grandma used to cut up fruit for me as a kid at her kitchen table, so I let the apple take me to her house, where all the food was wonderful. It was my cousin's idea, she is in school for psychology, but she was right. It didn't happen overnight, but fruit was a good place for me to start...colorful, full of texture, taste, aroma and positive associations.

Try to take care of yourself!